Dishonesty destroys relationships–and not always immediately. Sometimes, a spouse’s past lies can stick with us, doing continual damage over the course of time. If your spouse lied to you in the past and it is still bothering you, there may be several reasons why it’s nagging at you – and ways you can work towards healing. Shattered Expectations When your spouse lies, particularly if they haven’t lied to you before, this experience shatters the expectations you’ve set for your marriage. Married couples aren’t meant to lie to one another. Honesty is foundational to a happy and healthy marriage, so it…
It’s common for married couples to have high expectations of one another. But, it’s also common for those expectations to be unmet. Unmet expectations can result in anger, sadness, and resentment, all of which put a strain on your marriage. In order to overcome unmet expectations and conflicts that emerge over the course of your relationship, you and your spouse must be both resilient and willing to extend forgiveness. Forgiveness is an essential part of all healthy relationships, and resilience helps us bounce back from hard times. In order to come back from conflict stronger than before, forgiveness is an…
The holidays are almost here. For many people, the holiday season is an exciting time full of possibilities and celebrations. But for many, holidays are a reminder of difficult times. Still others look forward to their normal traditions, only to be derailed by unexpected circumstances life throws their way. If you find yourself facing down a holiday season that looks nothing like your normal, festive routine, there are some things you and your spouse can do to make it happy and enjoyable for everyone. Let’s dive in. 1. Take stock of your usual holiday traditions. Many of us fall into…
Loving like Jesus is important at all times, but when you’re experiencing a challenging season, Christlike love becomes absolutely critical. In order to keep Christlike love a top priority, you must practice it intentionally on a daily basis. Christlike love transcends all–hard times, interpersonal conflict, joy, and loss. Whatever you and your spouse are facing right now, you can make it to the other side through Jesus’s love. Let’s look at a few ways we can all prioritize Christlike love during hard times. 1. Pay careful attention to your spouse’s needs. When times are tough, you and your spouse may…
The seasons are changing, and we’re headed into fall. Fall is a time of profound change in the natural world as the leaves change color, then drift to the ground. It’s also a time of warmth, gratitude, and giving. There are many ways you and your spouse can use the fall season to draw closer to one another. Let’s look at a few ways you can get cozier with your husband or wife this fall. 1. Play more together. New seasons often mean new opportunities for play. When the weather changes, or when certain sports or activities cycle in, that’s…
Are you a perfectionist? Is your spouse? Although perfectionists tend to pride themselves on their meticulousness and attention to detail, those of us who experience perfectionism often find that the people around us don’t necessarily uphold our ideals. And in a marriage, perfectionistic tendencies can create major strain. Today, we’re breaking down a few reasons why it’s time to let go of perfectionism in your marriage. Let’s dive right in. 1. Perfectionism triggers unnecessary stress. Expecting perfection in one or more areas of life and marriage sets us up for unnecessary stress. Stress, in turn, can negatively impact our health….
Playing the blame game is an unhealthy and damaging way for couples to approach problem solving. Rather than resolving conflicts, blame and finger-pointing actually make them worse. If you’re trying to build or maintain a healthy, intimate marriage, you’ll want to avoid blaming each other for problems in your life. Let’s look at a few reasons why blame is so toxic to our marriages. 1. Blame doesn’t listen. When you blame one another for a problem you’re facing–big or small–you are actively choosing not to listen to your spouse’s side of the story. This hurts your ability to be empathic…
It’s common for couples to idealize one another early in their relationships. For many people, idealization is the peak of romance. It’s infused in the rush of new love and the excitement of the honeymoon period. But the truth is, idealizing your spouse is harmful to your marriage long-term. That’s because idealization isn’t the same thing as being enamored with, or in love with, your spouse. In fact, idealization is in direct contrast to the Christlike love we should cultivate for one another. It may sound odd, but putting your spouse on a pedestal can damage your marriage. Let’s take…
Difficult times can refine or break your relationship. That’s why it’s so important to stay connected. Through intentional action, it’s possible to deepen your intimacy during hard seasons. Let’s look at eight ways you and your spouse can deepen your intimacy, despite being in the midst of a difficult time. 1. Listen to one another. Communication is important at all times in a relationship. But during difficult times, it becomes more important than ever. As a couple, take time to talk with, and listen to, each other. Your conversations don’t always have to be centered around the hard things that…
Once you’re married, it doesn’t take much time at all to get a feel for how your and your spouse each respond to life change. How you respond to change can affect your marriage, for better or worse. And it can tell you and your spouse a lot about one another. Some couples experience drastic life changes early on in their marriages, while others might be married a little longer before they do. But every couple will face stressors, upheaval, and unexpected change at some point in their marriage–and maybe more than once. So how do your individual responses to…