Are you struggling with loneliness or social isolation in your marriage?
It’s not that your spouse is absent or neglectful. In fact, the two of you enjoy spending time together. But despite date nights and shared activities, you still find yourself wishing for more companionship. Maybe you’ve talked to your spouse about how you’re feeling already, but they don’t quite understand where you’re coming from.
Loneliness can affect one or both partners in a marriage at different stages of life, or during different seasons. Knowing how to address these feelings, both individually and as a couple, is the key to coming out healthier and happier on the other side. Let’s get into it.
Examine Your Expectations for Companionship
What are your expectations when it comes to companionship and relational fulfillment in your marriage? Some married people have unspoken expectations that their spouse will fulfill all their social and relational needs. When reality doesn’t match, it can be disappointing and quite painful.
The truth is, no one person can completely fill anyone’s social needs. You have your relationship with your spouse, but it’s also important to nurture your own family bonds and friendships. Taking charge of your social wellbeing can help your marriage feel that much more fulfilling.
Seek Out Friendships and Social Groups of Your Own
If you’re feeling socially isolated, start seeking out friends who share your interests or social groups you can participate in on a regular basis. You could sign up for a class, join a study group, or rekindle a hobby or interest you haven’t spent time on recently. Through these pursuits, you’ll connect with like-minded people.
For instance, women need girlfriends. They’re intimacy-oriented and need those connections in their lives to feel fulfilled. Research even shows that a great conversation with a friend releases endorphins in a woman’s body, lifting their mood and helping them feel more content. If you’re a wife, maybe you need to be cultivating a few close friendships with other women. (See Leslie’s book, Soul Friends, for more on the power of female friendships on your spiritual journey.)
Take ownership for creating more of a social presence in your life. Make connections that help you feel nurtured. Then, see how these new friendships might positively impact your marriage. Taking steps to solve this relational crisis on your own can pay dividends.
A Connected Marriage Alone Can’t Fulfill Every Social Need
You deserve a healthy, connected, fulfilling marriage. Taking responsibility for meeting your own social and emotional needs doesn’t take away from that. But it can help take undue pressure off your spouse.
The prospect of meeting all of one individual’s social and emotional needs is overwhelming. No one person is wired to do that, or capable of it. When you remove that pressure from your spouse, you create space to build a truly healthy relationship that feels satisfying to both of you.
Finally, talk to one another about how you’re feeling. Explore adjustments you might each be able to make in your routines to be there for one another through seasons of loneliness. Keep communication open, and work together to create a life full of meaningful relationships.
How do you and your spouse overcome times of loneliness? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
