Do you crave more privacy than you get in your marriage?
This is a common issue for married couples, especially those with personality differences. For instance, if you’re an introvert and your spouse is extroverted, where’s the middle ground? How can you get the privacy you need without hurting their feelings in the process?
Every human being has their own “bubble.” We may not be fully aware of ours until after living in close proximity to someone else, such as a roommate or a spouse. While you may have enjoyed sharing space with your spouse during the honeymoon phase, you might eventually realize you need more personal space than you’ve been getting.
Maybe your spouse wants to…
- Spend every waking moment outside of work together, while you have personal hobbies you enjoy
- Stay nearby because they feel anxious when you’re apart
- Follow you around the house, continuing conversation while you do mundane tasks like brushing your teeth
- Sit in the bathroom while you soak in the tub, while you might prefer to contemplate or read a book alone
You might have a sense of modesty or a desire for personal privacy your spouse doesn’t necessarily share. If your spouse doesn’t seem to take your feelings seriously, that can leave you feeling dismissed and intruded upon. Does any of this sound familiar?
Most likely, your spouse means well. They truly enjoy your presence, and that’s something to celebrate. But as we adjust to married life, we sometimes recognize pieces of ourselves we may have set aside in the early days. So if you’re feeling a little crowded out in your own home, you aren’t alone, and there are some things you can do together to make sure you’re both feeling happy and comfortable.
Marriage is Invasive By Nature
Being married is naturally more invasive than living on your own. It’s important to acknowledge that first. Intwining your life with another person naturally involves surrendering the kind of autonomy you had when you were single.
Still, it’s natural for each of you to have your own personal needs and preferences. Despite the close proximity, you can work as a team to try to meet those needs as much as you can. For instance, if you’re introverted but your spouse is extroverted, you’ll both need to compromise a little bit to create harmony.
Talk to your spouse about what you need, and be willing to listen to what they need, too. Try to meet in the middle and find ways to better accommodate one another.
It may not be perfect, but it’s possible to get back to some of that privacy you need to recharge.
Make A Plan Together
To regain some of that much-needed privacy in your home, you’ll need to make a game plan together. You can set up some logistics that help create natural boundaries. Creating a few rules of thumb can help prevent you from needing to repeat yourself, too.
For example, you could agree that whenever you’re in the bathroom with the door shut, that’s your time to be alone. On the other hand, you might like to take a daily walk by yourself. You might want the kitchen to yourself when you prepare a meal. Maybe you need quiet time to read in the evenings after work.
In all areas of marriage, the faster you can establish these parameters, the better. Whatever the space issue is, let your spouse know what you need. Then, you can figure out what works best together.
If you’re ready to take meeting one another’s needs to the next level, you need our book, The Love Language That Matters Most, co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman, creator of the 5 Love Languages®. It’s a guide to help you better understand the nuances of one another’s needs. Take a look and order your copy here.
Do you crave privacy in your marriage? What about your spouse? How do you navigate those contrasting needs? Let’s talk about it in the comments section.
