As a parent, are you always stuck being the “bad guy”?
Discipline is something that requires both of you to be on the same page. If you’re out of sync on how to discipline the kids, it can be incredibly frustrating. Maybe you get stuck being the disciplinarian every time, while your spouse gets to be the “good guy.” It can start to feel like they’re always one point ahead of you.
You do what’s best for the kids in the moment because you know you have to, even if it’s not pleasant. Still, you find yourself clashing with your spouse. How can you get them to pull more weight in this area so it feels like you’re sharing the load?
Your Kids Need to Hear From Both of You
Disagreements over parenting aren’t a rare issue in marriages. You’re not alone in this; it’s a common negotiation couples have to work through. In most relationships, parents are drawn to each other even though they may have different styles. The problem comes in when the kids only receive corrections from one of you.
As parents, you know the kids already get different disciplinary styles from both Mom and Dad. After all, you’re two individuals guiding them in your own ways. Even if you’re on the same page in terms of values, you’re not always going to approach issues the same way. Your personalities come across in different ways, and you might have different methods for correcting the kids.
Your kids need consistency from their parents as a unified force. Luckily, it’s possible to resolve this situation. It will take hard work and some difficult conversations to get on the same page in parenting, though. So what does that look like?
Negotiate Your Areas of Discipline
Negotiations over discipline can’t happen in the moment, when one of the kids is in trouble. It’s essential to set aside dedicated time to work through this with your spouse. You need time for just the two of you, with no interruptions.
We’ve seen parents in similar situations come to agreements where each parent is designated disciplinary responsibility in specific areas of the children’s lives. For instance, you might handle problems with homework, while your spouse handles issues surrounding mealtime. One of you can focus on school-related discipline, while the other deals with extracurricular activities.
This approach helps you each take full ownership of certain areas without either of you being the “bad guy” every time. But you have to follow through on your agreement. This may need to be done with marriage mentors or even a trusted marriage counselor. Regardless of your approach, take action as soon as you can.
Parenthood is your most important calling in this season. Showing up consistently and intentionally teaches your children the traits you want them to carry into adulthood. Ensure you’re becoming the best parent for your kids; our book, The Parent You Want to Be, will show you how. Learn more about the book and order your copy here.
Have you and your spouse ever clashed over discipline, or other parenting issues? Share your experiences and wins in the comments.
