Category

Conflict

6 Signs You Might Be A Control Freak In Your Marriage

By | Conflict, Marriage | 3 Comments

Have you ever been told that you’re a controlling person? Has your spouse told you? Chances are, your first reaction was to deny the allegation. How could they say such a thing? Why would they say it? If your spouse has expressed something similar, it’s important to take a deep dive into your behavior patterns–something that can tell so much about your emotional state. People who are controlling are often riddled with anxiety. To cope with their unwanted feelings, they attempt to control too much, too often. If you reflect on the controlling people you’ve known in your lifetime, chances…

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3 Reasons Why You Should Walk in Your Spouse’s Shoes

By | Communication, Conflict, Marriage, Relationships | 5 Comments

In marriage, it’s not always obvious what our spouse needs. It’s not always obvious to them what we need, either. One way to get in better touch with each other’s needs is to cultivate empathy. To create more empathy in our marriages, we need to first walk in each other’s shoes. A simple way to do that is what we call trading places. Simply put, trading places means you picture things from your spouse’s perspective. It helps you get in tune with one another, or reconnect if you’ve drifted apart. Everyone needs to check in with their empathy from time…

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Four Tips to Alleviate Chore Wars

By | Communication, Conflict, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments

Chores tend to be a frequent and hot source of arguments in relationships. Why? Because chores are there – day in and day out. For many of us, chores aren’t on the top of our to-do list, which makes arguing about household duties an easy thing to do. Couples enter marriage with unconscious expectations, the key is to communicate these expectations and determine together who does what. As your lives grow and get more complicated (children, career shifts, etc.) the household responsibilities become more complicated as well. Chores will never disappear, but your disagreements about them can. Here are four…

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How to Cope with a Backstabber

By | Conflict, Relationships | 7 Comments

“Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice.” Woodrow Wilson Being victim to backstabbing is downright painful. Backstabbers put on fronts that appear accommodating, loyal and even sacrificial. Then, without warning they strike. There’s many reasons why backstabbers act as they do. They’re selfish, have a lack of self-esteem and a sense of powerlessness. They’re also likely hiding feelings of inadequacy and feel resentful of what you have that they don’t. Whatever the cause, there’s no good or right reason to be a backstabber. Sometimes, having a backstabber in your life is unavoidable. You…

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5 Steps For Mending Broken Friendships

By | Conflict, Relationships | 3 Comments

When friendships fall apart, it can feel like it’s impossible to pick up the pieces and fit them back together. Some broken friendships are destined to stay that way. However, when you have a special intimate friendship that brought meaning to your life, a renewal is important. Restored relationships give us perspective on our experiences, and deepen our lives. Not all friendship fissures are fatal. If you have a long lost friendship you’d like to rekindle, chances are you’ll be able to make a meaningful reconnection. Today, we are discussing a five step plan that will help you determine whether…

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How to Cope with a Tenacious Teen

By | Communication, Conflict, Parenting | 7 Comments

Have you ever felt desperate trying to cope with your tenacious teen? If so, you’re not alone. Teens more than any other age group feel out of control. Deep down, they aren’t quite sure who they are and generally struggle to take possession of their own lives. Achieving a sense of identity is one of the major developmental tasks of a teenager. Somewhere between the ages of twelve and twenty adolescents are forced to choose who they are; a formidable and scary task. Because of this force to make up their minds, they are compelled to control, and can become…

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Two Rules for Cultivating Ownership During a Fight

By | Communication, Conflict, Marriage | 7 Comments

We’ve said it time and time again; good fighters own their proverbial piece of the conflict pie. They know that criticism is for cowards. They are also aware that blame and shame never lead to positive outcomes. Good fighters take a bold step and admit when they’ve made a mistake. In any fight, it’s important to understand that it’s not who is wrong but what is wrong that counts. And good fighters know this. If you are lacking the tools you need to own your piece of the pie, then this post is for you. There are two rules for…

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How to Repair a Relationship Damaged by Overcontrol

By | Conflict, Marriage | 7 Comments

“That is the mystery of grace: it never comes too late.” – Francois Mauriac Nothing suffers more from overcontrol than our relationships. Trying to control other people does nothing besides push them away. At the root of all controlling behavior is the desire to control one’s own anxiety. For the controller, it creates peace and calm and a taste of power over everything that seems beyond real control; namely people and time. For “control freaks” compromise doesn’t feel gratifying – a victory does. The result? Relationships are damaged. So how do you repair a relationship you’ve damaged by overcontrol? Every…

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How to Overcome The Silent Treatment

By | Communication, Conflict, Marriage | 3 Comments

The silent treatment. Need we say more? Most of us have experienced this at one time or another – either as the giver or the receiver. Spouses can become out of synch; one is ready to tackle the issue, while the other has completely backed off to the point of silence. Regardless of who is the culprit, the silent treatment can be devastating and may feel like an impossible feud to handle. After all, silence makes no sound – but says so much. So what should you do when your spouse gives you the silent treatment? How should you respond?…

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Four Communication Barriers and How to Spot Them

By | Communication, Conflict, Marriage | 11 Comments

Silence is a powerful communicator. Whenever we see a marriage that is slowly disintegrating, it’s usually followed by the couple concluding “they can’t communicate” or “they don’t talk anymore.” These couples believe that their non-talking is a lack of communication. When in fact it’s the opposite. When you don’t talk, silence sends a surplus of negative messages. Silence is powerful in its own way. Silence is not the cause of poor communication – the fear of pain is. It’s human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The truth is people actually avoid pain first, then seek pleasure. And under…

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