Shared activities are a great opportunity to bond with your spouse, enjoy time together, and deepen your relationship. But what happens when your spouse is highly competitive? If your husband or wife tends to be a “sore loser,” how do you navigate that?
Most people love winning, but not everyone is highly competitive. For a competitive personality, winning is the whole point of the game. It’s not fun for them unless their fellow players are locked in fierce competition. They love the thrill of going after that win and (proverbially) fighting it out till the end.
Some competitive individuals have a difficult time losing well. Loss is inevitable when you play any game, but maybe your spouse struggles with that. If you’re married to a “sore loser” and tired of the endless competition, read on.
Does Your Spouse Hate Losing to You?
Some highly competitive people want to play games and sports with their spouse, but they can’t handle losing. In this scenario, maybe you want to engage in gameplay, but you dread winning because of how your spouse reacts. Rather than playing to your full potential, you might find yourself holding back and letting them win to keep them happy.
I (Leslie) don’t really have a competitive urge, so I can relate. As a child, I remember deliberately trying to lose at checkers so my dad could win. How embarrassing would that be for my dad, if he couldn’t beat his own daughter? In hindsight, I’m sure he was trying everything for me to be able to win, but I didn’t have that drive. As a parent, I tried to help everybody else win, even at simple board games.
Is this scenario familiar? Here’s something to try: If you’re tired of the way your spouse acts when their team beats yours, consider switching sides and playing together instead. It’s possible you could enjoy the game more if you play on the same side.
Do You Cramp Your Spouse’s Playing Style?
When you play on a team with your spouse, do you cramp their playing style? Do you fear causing them to lose? This is a challenging position to be in. Maybe you want to play together, but you definitely don’t want the backlash if your team loses.
Playing on a team together is only fun if you have a shared goal of enjoying the game. If you’re not both on the same page, it’s hard to enjoy the activity. You might just want the experience, win or lose. But if your spouse only enjoys winning, that makes it impossible for you to walk away satisfied with simply participating in the game.
If you’re worried about causing your spouse to lose, don’t play on a team with them. Switching teams could be more satisfying for you. That’s especially true if losing doesn’t bother you as much.
Does Your Spouse Handle Team Losses Poorly?
If your spouse loves to watch or attend sporting events, do they react poorly when their favorite team loses? Rather than enjoying the sport, the culture, and the experience, do you brace yourself for your spouse’s reaction? This is a common experience, and it can ruin what might otherwise be a fun shared activity for you.
You might not be able to change your spouse’s competitive nature. Luckily, there are adjustments you can make to ease the pressure this puts on you. Let’s talk about a few approaches that could help you going forward.
What You Can Do
If you don’t want to be at the mercy of your spouse’s competitive drive anymore, here are a few approaches to consider:
- Talk to them about how you feel. If you feel comfortable, sit down with your spouse and talk to them about what you’re feeling. “Honey, when I win at [game of choice], you always seem so upset. It makes the game harder to enjoy. I’d like to be able to keep playing together, but something needs to change.”
- Encourage them to play in a league. An ultra-competitive person might thrive in a local recreational league. Does this sound like your spouse? Consider encouraging them to find a team that will fulfill their competitive drive. They need another outlet for their competitive spirit, other than playing with you.
- Take a break from playing and attending games and sports together. You might need to take a little space for yourself to regroup. Taking a break from competitive play could help you reset and decide how you want to engage with your spouse in shared activities going forward.
- Try a non-competitive shared activity. Consider doing something together that doesn’t involve competition. You could try taking an early morning walk, setting a regular lunch date, or working through a daily devotional like our One Year Love Talk Devotional.
Is your spouse ultra competitive? Are you? How do you successfully navigate that dynamic? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
