“I like my spouse. I’m just not sure I’m in love with them anymore.”
Have you ever questioned how deeply you love your spouse? You like them as a person, and you have love for them. It’s still fulfilling and enjoyable to spend time together. But sometimes, you question whether you’re still “in love.”
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. Many couples experience ebbs and flows in their emotions over time. Our feelings can shift with life circumstances and major changes. Let’s talk about what can cause feelings to change, and how to navigate these tricky emotions.
When Passion Shifts to Companionship
It’s natural for the passionate early days of marriage to gradually shift into a deep sense of companionship, affection, and enjoyment. The excitement of the honeymoon phase starts to settle, and you begin to fall into your everyday routines. Over time, you might realize you don’t feel that same spark like you once did.
That doesn’t necessarily mean love faded. In the early days, love was in full bloom. Your feelings for one another were all-consuming. In marriage, you will have seasons where that elated feeling is absent; that’s just part of the package.
You love those amazing seasons because it’s a gift to be with this person, loving and liking them at the same time. But it’s also normal to move in and out of that feeling.
Passion Isn’t Everything
Passion is important in your relationship, it isn’t everything. It’s about one-third of what makes up full love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is a good thing, but if you don’t feel it right now, that doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed.
Intimacy can still exist in the absence of passion and excitement. That’s the bond of companionship you’ve built over the years. And then there’s commitment—the bedrock of your marriage. If your commitment and companionship are strong, passion can fade, then return.
Your Feelings Could Be Circumstantial
Married life has its ups and downs. Couples go through every season together, and every season of life brings its own challenges. High stress, caregiving for children or aging parents, job changes, and grief can all play a hand in how passionate you feel.
Even if you feel like those feelings of love are completely gone, hold onto your commitment. It may feel like that passion is gone forever, but don’t give up hope. When you remain committed and keep enjoying your spouse’s company, those feelings tend to come back around.
Notice how you feel, but try not to let it consume you. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, and practice gratitude for those. Staying connected to the things about your spouse that make you feel happy and safe just might lead you back to that passion you’re ready to reconnect with.
It might not feel like it right now, but shifts in passion are truly an everyday problem for many couples. Our book, I Love You More, focuses on helping couples deepen their love through everyday challenges. This could be a great starting point for rekindling your passion. Take a look and pick up your copy here.
Have you experienced a loss of passion in your relationship? How did you get to the other side of that season? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
