Lately, you’ve noticed that your spouse seems to complain more than usual. In fact, most of your interactions involve questioning, complaints, or discontentment they never expressed before. What’s going on?
There are many reasons why a spouse might complain. You might have experienced a major change in your life, or they could be facing a midlife crisis. Maybe there’s a circumstance that feels out of their control, and they’re not sure how to find a solution. Whatever the case, it’s important to examine the situation and look for ways to work together toward resolution.
Major Life Change
Going through major changes in your life, such as moving to a new city or changing jobs, can create a sense of uncertainty, anxiety, and discomfort. If you and your spouse are facing a big change or have experienced one recently, this could explain the problem. It’s possible your spouse is having difficulty adjusting to the new situation.
Maybe you see the change as positive, while your spouse is more ambivalent. You might not be able to understand why they seem so unhappy. But if you view the situation through their lens, you might begin to notice they’re struggling to make new friends in your new home, or having trouble adjusting to their new job and questioning whether they made the right decision.
Midlife Crisis
Is it possible your spouse is experiencing a midlife crisis? These crises can happen at any age, and they’re part of the developmental process for both men and women. We all go through different seasons; midlife crisis is a time of questioning.
They might ask: What’s the meaning of life? What’s my purpose? Am I living out that purpose or too far from my path? What can I do to align my life with that calling?
Anyone can experience a midlife crisis; it’s not limited to people who feel disillusioned with their lives. Some people can go through life happy and seemingly content, until they’re hit with a sense that they no longer feel comfortable in their job, pastimes, or even sense of self. They might feel a bit stuck. If your spouse is clearly discontent or questioning their life path, what do you do about that?
What Can You Do?
First, be patient with your spouse. Give them space and time to express their negative emotions and process them. It’s important to realize your spouse wouldn’t choose to feel this way. Still, these feelings are very real and overwhelming.
In fact, the overwhelm is exactly what drives your spouse to repeat some of the same thoughts and feelings over and over. This may be because they haven’t found a resolution yet; that’s one of the traits of a crisis. It could be helpful to work together on brainstorming possible solutions.
For instance, maybe your spouse would love to leave a job they’ve held long-term, but they wonder whether you could handle the financial stress. They want to hear from you. Perhaps they need permission to move forward. On the other hand, they might want to borrow your discernment to see if you can shed light on the situation.
If you commit to helping one another through these crises, you multiply your chances of reaching a resolution together. Find ways to bring a gentle end to the distress in a way that works for both of you. Stick together as you move through this; you’re on the same team.
Most of all, work together on creating more joy in your relationship. Our book, Making Happy, will show you how. Learn more and pick up your copy here.
Has your spouse ever gone through a season of complaining? What about you? Let’s talk about how you got to the other side. Leave a comment below!
