You just got home from a long day at work, and you’re eager to spend some time catching up on your favorite show with your spouse. They’re already home; maybe they started dinner. Your empty stomach rumbles as you anticipate what’s waiting inside.
In the garage, you notice a pile of discarded packing materials. Puzzled, you nudge the plastic sheets aside with your foot. You weren’t expecting a delivery today, and definitely not a large one.
When you enter the house, the couch from your living room is taking up most of the hallway by the door. You head down the hallway, calling your spouse’s name. They answer, and you follow their voice to the living room.
When you round the corner, your jaw drops. There, in the middle of the room, is a brand new couch. Your spouse is reclining on it, grinning from ear to ear. “Surprise!”
But you’re not pleasantly surprised. Instead, deep disappointment washes over you. Why did your spouse make a major decision like this without talking to you first? This isn’t the first time it’s happened. How do you course-correct for the future?
Major Decisions Require Advance Agreement
One of the most important parts of marriage is the need to be respected and included in one another’s lives. Another is to be in agreement with each other on major decisions. Every couple approaches this arrangement in different ways, but there are some core fundamentals that are universal.
It can feel jarring and upsetting for your spouse to make a major decision or purchase without discussing it with you first. When it comes to financial decisions, large purchases like furniture, vehicles, and electronics may require you to adjust your budget. You may want to plan for large purchases, while your spouse might be more impulsive. Above all, you want to be included in their decision making process, even if you’re happy handing over the final say.
Most major decisions require making an agreement in advance with your spouse. Planning ahead shows respect and consideration for one another. Your agreement could look like:
- “We need to make big life decisions, like job changes or moving, together so each arrangement feels beneficial to everyone.”
- “Let’s talk about every major purchase or investment above $$$ before making a move.”
- “I’ll check with you before I make a decision on [area] because I know having input matters to you.”
- “You can make the decisions about our vehicles because I know that’s important to you, but I’d like to handle interior design at home.”
- “I don’t want to be consulted about [area A], but when it comes to [area B], I want to weigh in.”
Decide which decisions feel major to you, both individually and as a couple. Then, decide how to approach them. You can also decide which decisions don’t require a conversation ahead of time; that way, you’re on the same page.
Deepen Your Relationship With the SYMBIS Assessment
Gaining deeper insight into your individual personalities, and how you relate to one another, will help you as you navigate major decisions. Taking the SYMBIS Assessment will reveal your fight types, money methods, talk styles, and more—all essential to making a plan that works for your marriage. Find out more and take the SYMBIS Assessment here.
Has your spouse ever made a major decision without your input, or vice versa? How did you resolve the issue? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
