Independent Woman: Making Your Unconscious Roles Conscious Choices

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I was raised by a single mom. As a wife, how can I be submissive without compromising my independence? You’re a wife who was raised by a single mom. That means that growing up, you saw a really strong example of an independent, capable provider-mother who ran your household. Your mom was an exceptional role model for you. Unfortunately, being raised by one strong parent can make it challenging for you to figure out what your roles are in a marriage relationship. You may have many idealized dreams in your mind, but you don’t feel comfortable trying to live them…

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Dating Your Spouse Doesn’t Have To Be Hard

By Communication, Conflict, Self Reflection, Time 12 Comments

Many married couples–ourselves included–recommend regular date nights as a way to keep your marriage healthy and strong. Taking intentional time to connect with one another away from kids and other distractions is essential, but we often over-complicate it. Time is often the commodity that we have the most difficulty finding. Once that time is set aside, it’s important to plan how you will spend it. If you already sense yourself buckling under the pressure of creating the perfect date, remember this: dating your spouse doesn’t have to be hard! Here are 7 tips to take the pressure off of your…

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Clarifying Content: How to Stop Reading Your Spouse’s Mind

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I feel that I listen to my wife, but sometimes I seem to miss what she is saying. Help! It can be too easy to find yourself in the middle of a disagreement with your spouse over something one of you did or didn’t say. Sometimes, we might think we’re listening to our husband or wife, but perhaps we’re not really getting the message. We humans are quick to mis-hear, jump to conclusions, or assume we know what the other person is saying–when maybe, we really don’t. There is a huge potential for misunderstanding, especially when it comes to the…

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9 Things to Consider Before Saying “I Do”

By Communication, Conflict, In-laws & Family, Scripture, Self Reflection, Time 2 Comments

The dating and engagement periods of your relationship are a beautiful time for both of you. Romance is blossoming, you’re building dreams together, and anything seems possible. Often, when we’re dating or engaged, we overlook some important areas of our lives that we need to consider before we walk down the aisle. In the haze of falling in love and promising happily-ever-afters, these 9 things (that you seriously need to consider!) often fall by the wayside. Goals Before you take the leap into the lifelong covenant of marriage, it’s important to consider the goals and dreams that both of you…

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How to Make Your Husband Feel Genuinely Loved

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What is the most effective way a wife can communicate love to her husband? If you want to make your husband (or wife) feel genuinely loved, where do you begin? All of us receive love in different ways; this is widely known as the concept of “love languages.” If you learn to speak your spouse’s love language, you can connect with them on a much deeper level. Connecting with your spouse and making them feel truly, deeply loved involves carefully considering what would be most effective. Take some time to recall things you’ve done for your husband or wife that…

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How to Stop Controlling Your Spouse

By Communication, Conflict, Self Reflection, Time 70 Comments

Why do we try to stay in control? Often, when we’re trying to control others (in this case, our spouse), we’re acting out of fear. Perhaps it’s fear of the unknown, or just the simple fear of not getting something that we deeply desire. Whatever the case, the primary motivating factor in controlling behavior is often fear. Fear itself can have many different triggers. If you’ve been betrayed by your spouse in the past (in the case of infidelity–or any other breach of trust, for that matter), you might resort to control in order to alleviate your fear of further…

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Extreme Husband: Protecting His Personality and Well-being

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My husband is an adrenaline junkie. How do I get him to slow down without quenching his personality? So your spouse is addicted to adrenaline–something that research has proven to be a biological tendency in some people. You might be uncomfortable with your spouse’s propensity for high-speed, risky activities. But it’s important to understand that you’re probably never going to change his or her basic need for speed and risk-taking. We all have different energy levels, and different activities and experiences that excite us. These preferences–needs, even–are built into the very fabric of our being. You want to respect who…

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Why you should eliminate the word “Always” from your marriage

By Communication, Conflict, Self Reflection, Time 4 Comments

Do these phrases sound familiar? “You always interrupt me.” “You always put __________ before me.” “You always forget.” Making absolute accusations to or about your spouse will get you nowhere fast. We have all done it (probably more than once!), but “always” is a word we throw around that must, without a doubt, be eliminated from our relationship vocabulary–especially when it comes to communicating with our spouse. Words can be both building blocks and bulldozers. You can spend days, months, and years using positive and encouraging words toward your spouse, only to shake your solid foundation with a careless phrase…

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The Hard Work of Spiritual Intimacy

By Communication, Conflict, Scripture, Self Reflection No Comments

We go to church and spend time with Christian couples. Is there more to being spiritually intimate? Spiritual intimacy is one of the most important–yet least discussed–aspects of marital health and well being. While you and your spouse may share many interests, be deeply in love, and be on the same page in many parts of your lives, getting in sync on a spiritual level often proves to be much more challenging. Research has proven that a close spiritual bond is of the utmost importance in marriage. Spiritual intimacy represents a couple’s deepest core values, mission, and passion for life….

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Ground Rules for Restoring Broken Trust

Ground Rules for Restoring Broken Trust

By Communication, Conflict, In-laws & Family, Scripture, Self Reflection 97 Comments

When trust has been damaged or destroyed in a marriage, the rebuilding process takes a huge amount of patience, skill, and–above all–time. After your very foundation has been shaken, restoring trust in your marriage is literally a relationship makeover. You and your spouse must work together over time to rebuild the trust you lost, and both of you have a lot of work to do to get there. But with determination and an absolute commitment to restoration, your marriage can be healthy again. You might not realize it now, but if you’ve been betrayed by your spouse, you can begin…

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