How to Know if Your Spouse is Your Soul Mate

The concept of “soul mates” is an age-old, romantic idea that each of us is fated to be with one special someone with whom we connect on a spiritual level. Many people put a lot of stock into this concept, and it’s not unusual for married individuals to wonder whether or not their spouse is their soul mate. The problem is that this can lead us to doubt the marriages we’ve committed to.

When a young couple transitions from the “honeymoon phase” and into a more day-to-day dynamic, they might begin doubting or questioning whether this is the person they were ultimately meant to marry. Maybe they find that they don’t actually agree on everything–since young couples tend to start out imitating one another’s preferences, dreams, and wants in order to achieve a sameness and avoid conflict–or maybe they’ve begun to butt heads more frequently.

From a biblical perspective, marriage is a lifelong commitment you promise to honor. And once you’ve made those promises to one another, it’s up to you and your spouse to nurture the spiritual side of your marriage. Because ultimately, nurturing the spiritual aspect of your relationship will be what binds your souls closer together. In other words, our marriages are at their best when we’re tending to our souls.

The good news is, determining whether you’ve married your soul mate isn’t a matter of guesswork. You simply have to take care of your souls.

So how do couples nurture one another’s souls and, ultimately, create that soul-mate bond so many of us long for?

1. They cultivate spiritual intimacy

Each of us has a deep, abiding longing in our souls for connection. Most young people believe finding their soul mate and getting married will fill that void–and for a while, it seems like it does. But eventually, the longing comes rushing back, and we begin to wonder, “Was this really the person I was supposed to marry?”

Even couples who have done “all the right things” to achieve a healthy marriage–premarital counseling, practicing effective communication and conflict resolution skills, achieving emotional balance, adjusting expectations, and more–feel this longing when their soul care is not in working order.

If you and your spouse aren’t working toward spiritual intimacy, you’ll continue feeling restless. But if you bond with one another on a soul level, you’ll experience a deeper connection and more profound meaning, both in your marriage and in your life. God calls soul mates to pursue and share spiritual meaning; in your partnership, the only way to discover that successfully is to pursue it together.

2. They see God in their marriage

As you seek the spiritual meaning of your marriage together, God will be revealed to you more fully. Marriage itself has a way of revealing God to us, and anchoring ourselves in faith is critical to both the health of our relationship and our soul connection.

Marriage is an earthly metaphor that represents God’s love for us. Isaiah 62:5 says, “[…] as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” The Lord’s church is called “The Bride of Christ” multiple times in the Bible, and Jesus’s love for His church is an additional mirroring of the love and connection God intends for our marriages.

When we see and acknowledge these parallels, we gain a greater understanding of the sort of connection God wants us to pursue. In order to achieve this connection, we must practice God’s examples of faithfulness and forgiveness for each other on a daily basis. Without these two critical components, marriage can’t last.

Faithfulness is the foundation on which we build abiding trust. If both spouses aren’t willing to be faithful, the marriage crumbles. As God is faithful, we also promise faithfulness to one another.

Forgiveness allows us to start each day fresh. When we live together, we’ll inevitably step on each other’s toes (whether we mean to or not). We have to be willing to forgive each other over and over; if not, we risk growing bitter and resentful toward each other. As God is forgiving, we promise to forgive each other.

As we practice and model the qualities of God in our own marriages, we’ll see Him more and more.

3. They nurture the soul of their marriage

Nurturing the spiritual aspect of your marriage requires daily, intentional action. Couples who practice soul care in their marriages:

  • Worship together
  • Serve one another–and others
  • Pray together

By keeping God in the center of their lives, they bind themselves closer together on a soul level.

In next week’s blog post, we’ll expand on how nurture your marriage spiritually–and grow closer to God and one another in the process.

14 Comments

  • Leanne says:

    Wow! This tells me that my desires for these things are spot on and Godly, and will build the lasting marriage that I desire. Thank you for sharing!!!

  • Augusto De La Rosa says:

    I truly needed this…. It has brought clarity to some of our questions and doubts. I will be eagerly wanting for your next blog post. Peace and blessing be upon you.

  • Tami Harmon says:

    I’m a newlywed and going through a serious health challenge. I’m so blessed we went thru mentoring and symbis before we married. Even though our current normal is very different than we planned,we still do our devotion together and pray together. Our mentoring remind us to be honest and if I’m unreasonable and grumpy in pain and fatigue I asked for forgiveness immediately. It’s not easy, but I feel very loved and we have faith.

  • Dr Tom Parrott says:

    I suppose a definition of “soul” might be helpful.

  • John says:

    Having a definition of “soulmate” would be very helpful, especially if it’s contrary to our culture’s current worldview.

  • Norman Yeager says:

    I find myself asking the question, how do my spouse and I build spiritual intimacy? Perhaps in another blog, you can give this information.

    • Cynthia Morris says:

      Well My marriage crumbled and now I thinking about marriage again and I want it to work. So I’m studying everything I can to make sure it successful…

  • Christina Jamal says:

    This only confirms to me that my husband is NOT my soul mate as he no longer has any desire to pursue anything of a spiritual nature and only thinks of himself.

  • Larry Steverson says:

    I really like this blog post, but they admit the title is a bit misleading. The Parrotts don’t really want you to evaluate “IF” your spouse is your soul mate; they want you to know that your commitment to your spouse can turn into the best and deepest relationship possible. They give you three steps to keep on taking to make it happen.

  • Deb says:

    We are as far apart as a couple can get. no soul mate in this relationship.

  • Eliana Sierra Correa says:

    Very nice blog!
    I could tell that insted pointing out what my spouse is not doing or not giving to me, we beyter need to understand that Jesus gave, GAVE all of himself for us, his bride, and we trusted him, that.s why we are part of his body.
    SO WE ALL JUST NNED TO MAKE OUR PART AND GIVE BACK, BECAUSE LOVE IS A DECISION, NOT A FEELING.

  • Very nice, I always knew that I’m married to my soulmate, we put God in the center of our relationship

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