Have you ever noticed that you and your spouse can view the same event quite differently? Maybe you see an obstacle as a roadblock, while your spouse sees it as an opportunity. That all comes down to your attitude.
Your attitude, and how you respond to life events, can make a tremendous difference in your marriage. A negative attitude can harm your relationship. On the other hand, a positive attitude could save a troubled marriage.
The only difference between viewing something as exciting or troubling is your attitude. Over time, a bad attitude can become pervasive and toxic to your marriage. Attitude influences every problem, obstacle, life season, and event you’ll ever encounter as a couple. No matter what you’re facing, your attitude can make the situation better or worse.
We’re not exaggerating when we say that your attitude can either make or break the quality of your marriage. In fact, the most important asset either of you could bring to your marriage is your attitude. Fortunately, every couple can improve in this area!
Misery is an Option
We once saw a bumper sticker that read, “Misery is an option.” How true that is! Even though it might not seem that way in the midst of a difficult season, being miserable is truly a choice. Yes, circumstances can create difficulties or hard feelings, but responding with a bad attitude can make those things far worse.
The happiest couples don’t necessarily have perfect circumstances, but their attitudes are in the right place. They don’t complain about their partner or their circumstances. Instead, every day, they make choices that lead them away from misery and toward joy.
What Can a Good Attitude Do For Your Marriage?
It’s no accident when a couple rises above obstacles and takes difficult life seasons and events in stride. Intentional choices underpin the marriages that endure. It’s not about luck. Instead, it has more to do with a couple’s ability to communicate well and solve problems together as a team.
Being optimistic is one simple way to adjust your attitude in marriage. Optimism helps you see possibilities and opportunities that you can’t see with a bad attitude. Conversely, when you lack optimism, you can’t see your way out of difficult or negative circumstances.
In order for your marriage to stay healthy and endure long-term, you need optimism and the ability to see possibilities. Marriage requires resilience and adaptation. It requires the willingness to grow together, adjusting your attitude along the way. The absence of optimism will cause you to eventually give up.
3 Steps Toward Changing a Negative Attitude
If you have a negative attitude, how can you change it? Although there are many ways to become more self-aware and adjust your attitude, here are three simple steps you can take to steer in a better direction.
- Give up victim mentality. Even if you have the right to feel sorry for yourself, living with a victim mindset will always sabotage your attitude. Maybe you have valid reasons for feeling victimized by life—job loss, illness, financial distress, or other circumstances out of your control. These things can feel impossible to turn around. But when you’re stuck in victimhood, you pity yourself, which makes it even harder to see solutions.
- Stop blaming others. Holding a grudge or pointing the finger at another person keeps you from seeing possibilities. When you blame or hold grudges, those breed bitterness and resentment. Living in a resentful state will prevent you from practicing positivity.
- Look for positive qualities in people and circumstances. What opportunities could this situation bring to you in the future? What might you learn from it? How can you grow together?
A positive attitude expands your view of the situation beyond your pain and into possibility. On the other hand, a negative attitude says you believe things will always be this way. When you lean into positivity together, that cultivates faith—and faith will get you to the other side of this situation stronger than before.
Want to learn more about facing everyday challenges together? Our book, I Love You More, is your roadmap through life’s twists and turns. With the right attitude, everyday problems can strengthen your marriage. Find out more and pick up your copy here.
Have you struggled with your attitude in marriage? How did you make changes for the better? Let us know in the comments.
