I Feel Dismissed in My Marriage. How Do I Speak Up?

Do you feel dismissed in your marriage?

Sometimes, married couples become so busy that one or both spouses may start to feel dismissed, unheard, or invisible. This can happen for many reasons. Most often, we become so busy with our lives and routines that we simply forget to slow down.

Doing life at a breakneck pace can cause you to unintentionally lose sight of one another. If you don’t stay intentionally connected, then disconnection sneaks up on you over time. Eventually, one or both of you may begin to feel a sense of desperation to feel seen and known once again.

It’s distressing to feel as though you aren’t getting the same attention from your spouse as you used to. But, there’s hope. It’s possible to restore the warmth and closeness to your relationship. We’ll show you some ways to get started.

Pay Closer Attention to the Little Things

One of the first things you can do to shift your perspective is to pay attention to the micro-moments that pass between you and your spouse. Those moments are the times when you exchange attention. Don’t miss those moments–and then act to create more of them.

Tune in to each other. Notice the twinkle in your spouse’s eyes, or the kiss you exchange on the way to start your day. Think about the small, seemingly mundane actions that draw you closer together and start to form a heightened awareness of those things.

Reconnect Through Love

When you feel like you need to fight for your spouse’s attention, it’s tempting to be antagonistic to earn their notice. Antagonism and sarcasm will only make the situation worse, though. Instead, you need to be warm and loving.

What you really want from your spouse is natural, freely-given attention. Creating more conflict is the wrong way to go about getting it. Instead, focus more on reconnecting in a loving way.

Consider How You’re Hard-Wired

It’s possible that differences in personality can eventually lead to one spouse feeling ignored in a marriage. Some people get into a “zone” when they’re focused on work or specific tasks, for example. Your spouse might not mean to make you feel dismissed, but their natural hard-wiring might contribute.

Maybe your spouse is so focused on the task in front of them that they can’t split their attention. If they own a business, for example, they might always be “plugged in,” leaving little time for anything but work. In that case, it might fall on you to gently let them know that you need more time together.

Ask For What You Need

If you want more focused time with your spouse, then you’ll need to ask for what you need. Find ways to communicate that you miss your spouse and would like more one-on-one time. After all, if you don’t speak up, your spouse may never know exactly what you want.

Need more tips for better communication with your spouse? Our book, Love Talk will help you and your spouse level up your conversations and mutual understanding. We’ll show you how to work with one another’s communication style and come out on the other side with a stronger relationship than ever before. Get your copy here.

Have you ever felt dismissed by your spouse? How did you let them know, and how did you work together to overcome the issue? Let us know in the comments.