If you and your new spouse each have kids from previous marriages, how do you make that work?
Blending a family is a gift. You’re giving both of your children the opportunity to be surrounded by love. And when you and your spouse are working together to give them a happy and peaceful life, that’s truly a blessing.
Bringing two families together to create a new home is quite an undertaking. It takes time for everyone to adjust to their new normal, and sometimes that adjustment period can create challenges. In this post, we’re going to share a few important tips to help you and your spouse guide your children through this season.
Give The Kids Plenty of Time to Adjust
It can take time for children (and adults, too) to adjust to being part of a blended family, especially when they have new step-siblings. Their entire world has changed, and now they must learn how to live in a completely different family dynamic. True, they have your spouse and your siblings, but they’re also learning how to live with you and your children (and vice versa).
There may be a certain amount of excitement and novelty in the change, but you might also find that some of the children resist. In the face of a significant life change, this is totally normal. You and your spouse will want to focus on giving the kids plenty of time to adjust, and plenty of grace along the way. Ease into your new life carefully, and be patient and understanding with your kids and stepchildren throughout the process.
Make Sure Everyone Has Their Own Space
Having a certain degree of personal space and autonomy is going to be important for both of your children. Encourage a sense of mutual respect and work with your spouse to ensure that everyone has their own space in the home if possible. Be open to forging deeper connections, but stay aware that everyone in the home will adjust to the new environment in their own time.
Offering plenty of space and personal autonomy will be especially important for children who may not have had siblings previously. It’s also important for kids who are learning to share a living space together for the first time. Be patient with misunderstandings and conflict, and know that a bit of tension along the way is normal.
Make Room for Everyone’s Voice and Interests
If you want to build great relationships with your stepchildren and strengthen bonds with your own kids, make room for each person’s voice. Ensure each child is listened to and treated with importance. And, make sure everyone gets to share their own interests. Showing that you’re genuinely interested in every child in the home will go a long way toward deepening your relationships.
An important part of exercising mutual respect is extending that respect to your stepchildren’s other biological parent. Make mutual respect on all levels a priority. This is a fantastic way to build trust with your stepchildren and lead by example.
Want more guidance on blending your families? Our book, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts, is a roadmap as you walk this path. Take a look and pick up your copy here.
Do you and your spouse have a blended family? How did you adjust to your new normal? Share your experiences in the comments.
