In order to forge healthy relationships, it’s crucial to practice something we like to call smart love. Smart love allows us to make intelligent and informed decisions in all our relationships–ultimately strengthening and improving them.
Today, we’re taking a look at what smart looks like, and a few ways you can practice it in your own relationships. It applies to relationships of all kinds, but for today’s purposes, we’ll focus on dating and engagement.
Smart Love is Patient and Discerning
Patience and discernment are incredibly important components of smart love. That’s because smart love is determined to find a good match, and it’s not fooled by the myth that opposites attract.
In fact, the exact opposite is true: the happiest couples tend to have many qualities in common. So even if we’re initially attracted to someone very different than us, that attraction may not last. Because of this, we must be observant and willing to take time to gather information about our significant other.
Listen more and react less. Treat dating like a discovery process, or even a scientific one. Be analytical, ask questions, and take note of your interactions with this person–and their interactions with others.
It takes time to truly learn who someone is. Patience and discernment will help you on your journey, and they’ll ultimately assist you in making bigger decisions about your relationship.
Smart Love Uses All the Tools at Its Disposal
In our modern world, we have access to many resources that help us get to know each other better than ever before. Smart love is willing to utilize these tools in order to improve our connections.
For example, social media is a powerful tool that allows you to seek out mutual connections you may have with the person you’re dating. You can learn a lot about them from friends who know both of you.
If you’re looking to meet someone new, online dating services are one option to meet people you have a lot in common with. Online dating can be a fantastic way to find someone who is a great personality match for you, and we’ve seen success stories time and again.
Online quizzes, tools, and assessments can also give you deep insights into yourself, your significant other, and how you relate to one another. We offer a number of these assessments that you can check out here.
Smart Love is Bold
Smart love is bold in the face of uncertainty, and is willing to face difficult times in order to grow closer or learn more about a significant other. It doesn’t run away from conflict, but faces it head-on. That’s because smart love understands that conflict leads to a deeper understanding of one another.
Additionally, smart love is willing to speak the truth–even when it hurts. Deepening and improving our relationships relies on our willingness to be completely honest with ourselves and one another. And sometimes, that level of honesty means admitting a relationship isn’t working.
Smart Love Draws Boundaries
Boundaries are an essential part of all healthy relationships, and smart love knows they must be drawn. If you’re practicing smart love, that means you know where to draw the line in your relationships. You know which battles you’re willing to fight.
You also know what personality traits and relationship characteristics you can and can’t live with. What’s more, you’re willing to stick to those boundaries even when it hurts.
Ultimately, smart love accepts the possibility of not having a relationship, rather than sticking with a bad one. Accepting discomfort now means you’ll be ready when the right person does come along.
Want to make your good relationships great?
Our book, Real Relationships, is a guide to taking your connections to a whole new level. You’ll find help boosting your love IQ, relating to God, and finding the love of your life. We also offer a workbook alongside the book.
How do you practice smart love in your relationship? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!