5 Ways To Support Your Spouse’s Dreams

The Bible says when two marry, they become one flesh (Mark 10:8). Though that reference is often interpreted to be speaking of sex, it is talking about so much more. Marriage is the joining of two lives, of soul and of flesh. It is committing “until death do us part” to each other’s thoughts and dreams, joys and sufferings, hopes and fears. It is a forever support system, and if you commit to staying married, an ever-evolving life.

One of the greatest gifts that God can give us is the opportunity to chase our dreams. If you’re married to a dreamer–and even more so, a doer–you may know full well what it looks like to manage and support the dreams of your spouse. Or perhaps both of you are dreamers and doers. Regardless, there is something special about seeing a couple support each other in their dreams. You may be in this place now, and wondering how to do that yourself.

Here are 5 ways you can support your spouse’s dreams.  

1. Pray

This one should almost go without saying; yet, though we know in our minds the importance of prayer, it is one of the things we ignore in the midst of life. Prayer is an essential lifeline for our marriages. It take the focus off of our striving, wisdom and strength and casts our cares upon the Lord. It can soften our hearts and give us a vision for God’s purpose in our lives.

When it comes to supporting your spouse’s dreams, prayer is essential. It can be difficult in the flesh to get on the same page. Hours may be long. Sacrifices may have to be made. When your spouse has a dream that is being fulfilled, you may not be on the same page or even in full support of their dream. Pray. Pray early and often. It will be the difference maker and will set a solid foundation for the days ahead.

2. Speak positive and reinforcing words

If you are familiar with the book “The 5 Love Languages,” you will know that one of the five love languages is words of affirmation. For many, this is their top hit. Simply speaking words that are positive and encouraging can set the tone for a day, week, or even month for your spouse.

This is especially true in vulnerable times, and when you or your spouse are taking big risks to follow your dreams. There is so much power in phrases like, “I believe in you,” “You can do this,” “This is what you were made for,” or, “I love you.” It can be so easy to forget the power of words. Life and death are on the tip of our tongues.

Fight the urge to be negative. Your spouse needs to know you believe in them. What may seem insignificant to you could make a world of difference to them. Not good with verbal expression? Leave notes, write cards, and send texts or emails instead. Unity is a beautiful thing in marriage. Your words matter.

3. Ask how you can help

The longer you are married, the more likely your roles are to shift throughout your marriage. There may be times when you take the lead in certain areas, and yet others where you play a more behind-the-scenes role. In a perfect world, you and your spouse will compliment each other in your gifts, as it often happens.

Though some giftings may be more easily noticeable, all are important. Very few significant things have ever been accomplished without the work of a team, and there is no more powerful team than a husband and wife on a mission.

If you find yourself in a behind-the-scenes, supportive role, don’t diminish the importance of your position. Ask your spouse how you can help. It could be by stepping up in an area you haven’t before, or maybe taking specific tasks off of their plate for a period of time. It could be scheduling activities differently. To offer help is to strengthen the team, and that’s ultimately better for your marriage and your family. Two is always better than one!

4. Be willing to sacrifice

This one is key. More than likely, you and your spouse both carry different dreams and passions. Your marriage will go through seasons. Depending on the season, your level of sacrifice for your spouse will vary.

One of you may be pursuing the dream of a new business. Perhaps going back to school and earning a degree is something  one (or both) of you dreams of doing. Maybe your are facing relocation to follow a dream. All of these scenarios involve sacrifice. Marriage is a daily dying to your own desires for the betterment of the two of you. It may not always be easy or natural, but make no mistake–it will be required in some form or fashion as you move through marriage.

Being willing to sacrifice for your spouse sets a tone in your marriage that will strengthen you. If it’s your turn to lay down your own desires for a period of time, do so with joy. Sacrificial love is often the difference between a good marriage and a great one.

5. Pursue your own passion

It can be easy to completely lose yourself in your spouse. Even during times of major sacrifice, hold fast to the things that make you come alive. It may be a hobby, a craft, or treating yourself to something you enjoy.

You don’t have to completely lose your identity when it is your turn to sacrifice or take on a different role in marriage. Be honest with your spouse when you are feeling unseen. Stay true to your passions, and know that though they may not be given the time you may like, they are allowing room for you to grow as an individual. Don’t be afraid pursue your own passions in the midst of supporting your spouse’s dreams!

Whatever role you find yourself in currently, take a step back and consider what you can do to support your spouse better. Seeing two operate as one in the context of marriage sets a beautiful example in a world where marriages too easily crumble. Remember, everything is for a season. Consider it a joy to support one another. Your marriage will flourish as you see dreams come to pass alongside each other.

Are you pursuing your dream or in the position of support? What could you do better to support your spouse? Consider these 5 ways to support your spouse’s dreams and be willing to do the work. Remember, two are always better than one!




  • Tee says:

    Thank you for good teaching.

  • Matt Hovis says:

    I needed this today! I love your books!
    Thanks for Fight Night at Christ Church in Mt View.
    We missed Leslie. Praying you and your family are doing well.

  • Linda Sluiter says:

    GREAT WORD! Thank you!

  • Suzie says:

    How long should a spouse be permitted to pursue his or her dreams when it is not working financially?

    • Sheyha says:

      That’s a good question. Personally I would sit down with my spouse and come up with a timeline. And stick to it. If the time line says, December 2018, we move on. …..then darn it we move on. Explain how you will feel if it’s drawn out forever,be honest about the resentment you may develop. BE HONEST! Yet, loving.

    • RLC says:

      Great question. My husband decided he wanted to go back to school full time, which required him working part time and me going back to work full time, us moving in with his parents. Eight years later we are still with them, he can’t find a job in his new field and we have probably over $200,000 in student loan debt, which I can’t afford to pay. Needless to say it has put a strain on our marriage.

    • Colleen says:

      Suzie, “Be permitted”? The phrasing of the question seems to indicate a need for greater partnership development, teamwork, and agreement on the shared goals and needs of the couple/family. (Also potentially some significant conflict resolution, forgiveness and reconciliation.) Once the partnership is stabilized and needs/goals are identified, agreed upon, and prioritized, there will be no issue of “permission,” because mutual encouragement, humility, love, and respect will govern decisions. Praying blessings upon you and this marriage.

  • Dee says:

    Perhaps the verse you might wanted to use is Gen 2:24. The EXACT order of marriage is to LEAVE parents (meaning to cut primary loyalty) CLEAVE (meaning to stick like glue, be supportive, be primary friends and your primary loyalty) and UNITE as one flesh (LASTLY sex. Sex is NOT the primary part of marriage although it is a gift strictly FOR marriage).

  • Derrick Osei-Asiedu says:


  • Bonnie Phillips says:

    Yes, what a great word for us at this time. I want to share this with my husband and our couple’s group! I’m the dreamer/visionary and it took many yrs. before my husband could sense my purpose and passion…God broke through and brought His amazing grace and provision! Your word was very encouraging–thanks so much! Blessings-Bonnie

  • Debra Rudd says:

    Thanks for the Tools. I will put them to use in our relationship.

  • Kassie says:

    HHIS I should have thgohut of that!

  • IM says:

    This is great and I’ve tried everything but #5 and not enough of #1. Now, I’m just resentful of supporting him for so long, and for sacrificing so much. And I’m even more resentful that I don’t even receive an ounce of the support I need to pursue my ambitions – and the only support I need is emotional. That’s all but it’s like pulling teeth and explaining that to him has been a waste of breath.

  • http://www./ says:

    It’s about time someone wrote about this.

  • Gloria Harmon says:

    I have followed my husband dreams for 20 years. He have made many sacrifice such as not having little social life. He have studied for 8 years trying to make his business great. I am 62 now and i want to pursuit my dream -real estate investing. I feel like i could help him and also following his dream. He get angry when he see me studying and working on my dream. How can I make him see i am on the same page with him but i would also like to follow my dream?

  • Rebecca says:

    Wow. Thank you so much for this practical piece of wisdom. Not only does it speak to me in my current season it has also challenged my thinking with regards various questions in my heart and mind. My husband is amazing and everything that I could hope for in a life partner, this aside he has a HUGE God dream and I am not certain how I fit into the scenario. While this is both confronting and challenging I support him and I know that God has given him everything that he needs to carry out his God given purpose. I thought that this required me to lay aside my passions that do not interrelate with his calling. It has lifted a weight from within knowing that A) I can support behind the scenes and also have an incredibly profound impact upon the trajectory of that vision (ultimately with Gods help and grace) and B) not have to give up my own desires, passions and ultimately what God has birthed within me. This still begs the question though, where to from here…

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