“All that you achieve and all that you fail to achieve is the direct result of your own thoughts.” -James Allen
Most everyone has experienced a bad attitude in their relationship. Believe it or not, there are ways you can turn this negativity around. After all, we aren’t born with bad attitudes – they are developed in our minds over time.
With effort, we can protect ourselves against the bad attitude disease. There is no simple procedure to eliminating bad attitudes forever, but there are ways you can take a negative attitude and nip it in the bud. Today, we want to share four steps that will be a game changer in turning a negative attitude around.
1. Look for the Positive
Each of us sees what we have prepared our minds to see. By trying on a new mindset and looking for the positive solutions for your predicaments, and seeking the good things in your partner, you can turn things around. This simple step can be revolutionary for some couples!
Maybe you see your partner as always late, sloppy or selfish…you get the point. Try to see if you are wearing blinders that prevent you from seeing the positive qualities that will balance out these negative ones. After all, if you have a negative mindset because of something that bothers you, you’ve created a convincing mindset as well. You’ll likely be making one bad quality worse than it actually is, and fail to see the good.
By looking for the positive, you will remove your blinders and expose your mind to see the best possible traits in your partner.
2. Refuse to Be a Victim
Self-pity is known to drain the energy out of any relationship. Even the slightest amount of self-pity is more than enough. Studies have shown that individuals who have survived severe physical encounters (such as polar explorers lost in the Arctic) all shared a similar belief: they had the power to take their destiny into their own hands. They didn’t doubt that their own resources gave them freedom to determine their fate!
The same is true for those who take a negative attitude resulting from an undeserved situation, and turn it around. Perhaps you feel sorry for yourself because you don’t have the financial resources your friends do. Or maybe you don’t have the ideal job you had hoped for. You can transform these feelings of self-pity by stepping out of the victim roll, and determining your own destiny.
Don’t allow self-pity to sabotage your attitude. Choose your own path and take control of moving forward, rather than playing the victim. After all, you are the only one who can change your direction. So go where you want to go, and be who you want to be.
3. Give Up Grudges
Nothing keeps good attitudes from emerging more than a good grudge. Without a doubt, bitterness and resentment are like poison to positive thinking. Don’t expect to be happy around someone you hold a grudge against.
Letting go of a grudge can certainly be a frightening prospect. It could be that you’ve never forgiven your spouse for an embarrassing outburst. Or perhaps your resentment has nothing to do with your relationship, but has to do with your childhood home life. Whatever the cause of the grudge, remind yourself that the bitterness will only clog the veins of your good thoughts. And the only way to be liberated and let your good thoughts return, is to let that grudge go.
4. Give Yourself and Your Relationship Some Grace
Remember that changing an attitude, whether it’s your own or your partners, can take time. It’s crucial to give grace during this transition, as it takes serious effort to change negative thinking patterns! Some negative attitudes are so habit forming they become like frozen ruts. And without trying to change things, we can easily find ourselves in them twenty years down the road.
Go easy on yourself if your attitude change, or your spouse’s, isn’t as quick or consistent as you’d like. Each day presents a new opportunity to a start fresh. And each day that you put forth your best effort to seize this opportunity will bring you closer to the relationship that you deserve.
Have you successfully turned a negative situation around? How did this make you feel? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!
For more on this topic, check out our book I love You More.