Valentine’s Day is almost here, and maybe it’s not your favorite holiday. If your spouse loves to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but you don’t, what’s the solution? Should you change, or should your spouse just get used to how you feel?
Some people see Valentine’s Day as the commercialization of love. They might feel the holiday obligates them to do something special or romantic. Others might have unpleasant memories from childhood associated with Valentine’s Day. Regardless of your reasons, you’re not alone.
Still, part of being married is making compromises for one another. If your spouse truly loves Valentine’s Day, then it’s a good idea to honor what they love simply because they love it. You don’t have to change your opinion to honor their feelings.
What True Harm is There in Celebrating?
Aside from mild annoyance at the day, what true harm is there in celebrating Valentine’s Day for your spouse’s sake? It never hurts to make your husband or wife happy. You’ve probably gone on dates, sat through movies, and eaten at restaurants that weren’t your favorite—but you did it because it mattered to your spouse.
On the other hand, refusing to celebrate or to honor your spouse’s desires could lead to real hurt. Conflict surrounding holidays is often avoidable. And compromising for one another can help you sidestep unnecessary arguments.
Reframe Valentine’s Day as a Celebration of Your Spouse
If you’re really opposed to the commercial parts of Valentine’s Day, challenge yourself to focus on your spouse instead. Make it a celebration of them. Shifting your focus to the person you love most in the world could help ease any discomfort you feel around celebrating.
Take some time to sit with this idea and consider how you can truly refocus the holiday on your spouse. Set aside unrealistic expectations, holiday marketing, and expressions of love that feel inauthentic to you. Focus on what the day means to your spouse, and go from there.
Does your spouse love giving and receiving gifts? This is a love language for many people, and Valentine’s Day is a great time to honor that. Rather than focusing so much on the holiday itself, think about speaking in this love language for your spouse.
Make the Celebration Uniquely Yours
Even though we see standard depictions of Valentine’s Day on TV, movies, and social media, your celebration doesn’t have to match that perfectly. Work together with your spouse to envision what your Valentine’s Day could look like. There are really no rules.
Creating a special celebration together gives you both the opportunity to express your preferences and desires. It’s a great way to edit the expectations around this day; in fact, you can keep it simple if you want. And who knows, you might just find that you enjoy it more than you expected.
Personalize the Love You Give
Think of your spouse’s love for Valentine’s Day as part of their personal love language. Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. As you’ve discovered, the things that say “I love you” to your spouse don’t necessarily speak to you in the same way.
Don’t let your love get lost in translation. Our new book, The Love Language That Matters Most—co-written with Dr. Gary Chapman—will help you personalize your spouse’s love language like never before. It’s a guide to help you deeply understand their unique dialect, which pays dividends in all areas of your life; not just Valentine’s Day. Take a look and get your copy here.
How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? What about your spouse? Leave us a comment and let us know.
