How Overcoming Insecurity Leads to Healthier Relationships

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Part of being an emotionally and psychologically healthy individual–and thus, having healthier relationships–is overcoming insecurity. Insecurity is a problem that plagues countless people worldwide, and it really hampers our ability to relate well with one another.

Psychological health is largely an inside job, and insecurity is a psychologically unhealthy state to live in. Being psychologically healthy means we’re healthy in our spirit, character, feelings, and thoughts. But when we’re insecure, our thoughts don’t tend to be very healthy.

Today, we’re taking a look at how overcoming insecurity leads to healthier relationships across the board–not just with your spouse, but with family and friends as well. Let’s jump right into it.

Insecure thinking holds us back from our dreams

Insecure thoughts lead us to believe we aren’t enough, and that we are unworthy of pursuing and achieving our dreams. These negative thought patterns cripple us and sabotage our endeavors. They leave us seeking external validation–and always coming up short because no matter what others tell us, we’re still lacking that internal feeling of significance.

Too often, we look to other people to validate us because we don’t think we’re enough. We’re always waiting for the people in our lives to approve of us and tell us we’re doing great. But even when we get those positive words from our loved ones, it’s never enough. How can others’ words be enough when we’re not good enough for ourselves?

Inevitably, we self-sabotage our dreams because we don’t truly believe we can accomplish what we set out to do. But when we overcome insecurity, we’re able to chase our goals full-throttle, and feel the full satisfaction of achieving them.

Insecurity keeps us from reading others accurately

Relationships depend heavily on how we read and interpret others’ body language, facial expressions, actions, and emotions. We call this raising our social barometer.

Not knowing how to read the people around us is like a meteorologist who can’t interpret weather radar. Misreading interactions and misinterpreting intent leads to failed communication, which sabotages good relationships. That’s why priming your social barometer is so important.

We can either approach others by looking for their validation, or by reading them to see how they’re doing. Finding and reading your social barometer can tell us a lot about how the people around us are doing, which strengthens our relationships with them. It helps us relate more effectively to the people around us.

Overcoming insecurity strengthens our bonds with others

When we overcome our insecurities, we’re able to look outward and strengthen our relationships in the process. Here’s how reading our social barometer and breaking out of insecure thought patterns can help us:

Overcoming insecurity can help us stop comparing ourselves to others. Comparison diminishes our personal potential, distracts us from self-improvement, and makes us bitter.

Breaking insecure habits helps us communicate with more confidence. It helps us to speak up when we need to, and overcome the obsessive need to analyze every word before we speak (a habit which tends to silence us).

Overcoming insecurity helps us to take criticism in stride. Criticism can hurt our sense of security if we’re not psychologically healthy. Instead, when we set insecurity aside, we can avoid lashing out when someone offers constructive criticism.

The secret to overcoming insecurity and building healthier relationships…

…lies in becoming healthier individuals, on a psychological, emotional, and spiritual level. If you want to learn more about overcoming insecurity–plus some specific steps for doing so–grab a copy of our brand new book, Healthy Me, Healthy Us. Order yours here.

How has insecurity (or the lack thereof) impacted your marriage? Your other relationships? Let us know in the comments!


  • Barbara Cowal says:

    Wow this is a great truth when it comes to relationships. My husband and I struggled terribly for 29 years before we each discovered the need to be healthy ourselves – and becoming healthier changed every dynamic in our relationship, finally allowing us to communicate, give love, receive love, and be ok when the other wasn’t perfect! Before becoming healthy comes humility, honesty and transparency – all qualities difficult to achieve when we are protecting ourselves, trying to get needs met, or not recognizing we have needs.

  • Penny Hudson says:

    Why can we no longer share your information on Face book? You used to have a button that allowed us to share.

  • Lori K. says:

    My insecurity affects my intimacy with my husband. When I don’t like the way I look (e.g. I’ve gained weight) I don’t want to be close to my husband physically. I feel ashamed for “letting myself go,” even though my husband finds me attractive no matter what, and his love has never waned in our 22 years of marriage. But I withhold love and affection because of my own insecure feelings that have nothing to do with him. I want to be able to get to a place where I have confidence no matter what.

  • Lashona says:

    This is such a great blog on the topic of insecurity; which is something I have struggled with in singlehood. As I prepare to enter into a second marriage, I feel much healthier then I was 13 years ago but definitely pray no residue of insecurity will loom over my marriage. I was verbally and physically abused as a child and harsh criticism is devastating to me. I pray that I am able to receive criticism from my spouse without lashing out or feeling less then. I have not had positive criticism experiences in my past from friends or parents so I am a bit anxious on how I will respond in marriage. Psychologically healthy is definitely the key.

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