Frazzled Mom, Exhausted Wife: What to Do When Everyone NEEDS You

Being a wife and a mom is one of life’s greatest joys. Partnering with your husband to raise a family is an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling role; however, it’s challenging all at the same time. The role of a wife and mom is not only a huge blessing, but a huge responsibility–and it can leave you completely WORN OUT.

The kids have fifteen different places they need to be and, on top of all that, they have a mile-long list of school supplies waiting to be purchased and thrown into their backpacks. Your husband’s working late, and needs you to set up and prepare for your small group to come over, and the babysitter just called and canceled for the second time this month.

So what do you do when it’s all just too much? What do you do when everyone needs something from you, and it feels like everyone forgot you’re only one person?

Here are few things to remember:

Focus On Gratitude

There was a time in your life when you were longing for this. You anxiously awaited the moment you would walk down the aisle to say, “I do,” to your husband. Your heart leapt for joy when you found out you were pregnant, and for nine months you dreamed of holding that sweet baby. Take your mind back to those moments.

Remember, it’s all a gift. Sure, your child may be screaming in your face, but soon they’ll sleep, and you’ll catch yourself staring at their peaceful little faces and wonder where the time has gone. A mindset of gratitude and joy will not only give you a calm demeanor; it will overflow and impact your family as well.

Build in Time and Space for Yourself

In all of your planning and coordinating, don’t forget to schedule some time for yourself. Maybe this season of life doesn’t allow much time for you to sneak away for an afternoon alone, but look for a window of time in your week where you can sit on your porch with a cup of coffee or spend a few minutes reading a book. The mental break will rejuvenate and refresh your spirit and offer you the chance to breathe for a minute.

Ask for Help

No one’s asking you to be Superwoman.

There are a lot of requests coming your way and a lot of things on your plate. Don’t be scared to call in back-up. Maybe you need to ask a friend to watch your children one afternoon so you can get a few things done around the house. Maybe you need to call a family member and ask for some advice. Your closest friends and family have your best interests at heart, and they want what’s best for you.

Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to things. Share responsibilities with your husband. We’ve all heard the common phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” That statement resonates with us because we know it’s true. You don’t have to do it all alone.

Give Yourself a Break

There are a lot of rabbit trails of doubt, worry, and self-consciousness you can go down when you are overwhelmed and tired. One major thing that can fuel the fire of exhaustion and stress is the internet. While we have every resource, piece of advice, and article imaginable at our fingertips, we also are bombarded with pictures, posts, updates, and requests through social media. What can start as a quick “Facebook break” turns into an unexpected self-shaming campaign because you think another mom is doing everything so much better than you are, or another couple looks so much happier.

Give yourself a break. Remember that social media is a highlight reel for many people, and you’re only seeing one side of the story. Focus on your marriage, your children, and your family. Life does not have to look like every Pinterest meal you see, and your kids do not have to win every award the neighbor’s’ kid won. Love your family the way God calls you to love your family–not the way Instagram tells you to love your family.

No one is looking to you for perfection. Your husband loves you for who you are, not what you do. Your children need your love, affection, and guidance, and they’ll be okay if they don’t have a sandwich cut in the shape of a heart. You’re a good wife and a good mom. Just take a deep breath…and maybe grab a cup of coffee!



  • Christi says:

    Needed this exact encouragement today! Right on point. Thank you for writing about this very real struggle.

  • Danielle Kunze says:

    As I sit here on an early Wednesday morning, waiting for my coffee, exhausted from our 4 day vacation, getting ready to start packing stuff up & making sure we get everything, before making a 6+ hours drive home with the kids, I feel comforted after reading this. I’m dreading going back to “life” and having to deal with all the stressors there, but now feel a little relieved knowing that’s it’s ok if I don’t get it all perfect. Thank you for your encouragement.

  • Jennifer Cox says:

    For the last 2 weeks I have kicked our Alaskan cruise planning into high gear. I’ve made packing lists galore, confirmed our excursion bookings as well as airline & hotel confirmations, coordinated with in-laws (yes, they are ALL going with us on the cruise) the timing of our meet on the ship, etc…whatever could possibly be missed, I’ve likely thought about it or have it taken care of. Just last night as I was packing our daughter’s things, I was so frustrated, tired and WORN OUT that I actually said to my husband “okay, at this point I am so over this trip that I don’t even care if I go anymore.” At the time, I was nearly buried in clothes and he just laughed, put his arms behind his head, took a deep breath and grabbed the remote to turn up the volume. YEAH. That was the response I was looking for.

    I don’t think the timing of this could get any sweeter. 😉

    • Mike says:

      Jennifer, in the future may I give some advice on cruising! Lay all your clothes out that you want to take. Put back half off them, the remaining half only pack half of them. Trust me it will still be to much. Hope you had an enjoyable trip! I bet you didn’t wear all your clothing you packed!

    • Lisa says:

      We had a similar discussion the other day and My partner’s response was that I should be less controlling and let him be responsible for some things. So I am trying. We are going camping tomorrow straight after work (24 hours from now) and he has not; bought or packed food, got the tents out, packed clothes, sleeping gear, found torches, found the cooking utensils, bought water or firewood….basically its 4:30pm and nothing is done and we both have work tomorrow.
      So now do I sit back and do nothing and risk starving & looking like an idiot in front of our friends, or do I just pack a secret stash of food for myself and let it go?
      See, if I don’t do it, and he doesn’t do it, I still have to suffer for it. And he wonders why I always take over!!!

  • Margaret says:

    Thanks, Les & Leslie! I needed this encouragement today! I think of you often!
    ~Margaret (Matthewson) Odom

  • Michele Najab says:

    Thanks L& L. Even at my age (65) it’s still a great reminder. I have a daughter moved back home and having post concussion syndrome and still convalescing after two years and once a year for a few weeks my son and family visit from another country and all of a sudden we go from 3 to 9 people in the house. So the same principles apply. I have to take a deep breath and relax and enjoy my blessings

  • Lee says:

    Did you install hidden cameras around my home? How did you KNOW?! Everything you described is to the T! Especially that part when I pray that the kids will go to sleep and then stare at them because I’m afraid I’ll blink too fast and they’ll grow away from me. Thanks for the encouragement – even the fact that someone can truly empathise and to affirm that I’m not just being dramatic or looking for sympathy… The fatigue is real. By by the grace of God somehow I’m managing my daily episodes in surreal and miraculous ways.

  • Andre Cooper says:

    Oh, so good! Thank you! Seems especially needed for Christian women, whose standards seem to rise higher than most, and then so do the expectations. At almost 58 years old, I have come to realize some things, gleaning from Mentors like you, and help other young moms with their identity & boundaries. My husband & I wholeheartedly use your materials to train other mentors, & work with couples – that’s our heartbeat. There are seasons and then there are seasons, smile, all requiring God’s help. Most of it has to do with their own identity in Christ. Once that begins to settle, it’s funny how a lot of other things start to settle as we allow Him to heal those wounds instead of filling those holes with things that we think we should be doing, or how we should look or act like. Which includes taking a breath and taking care of ourselves. 🙂

  • Carmenita says:

    🙂 no idea how I needed this….

  • Tracy Roberts says:

    This is great encouragement…. but what about us stay at home moms who feel like they can’t take on one more thing, yet because we don’t have a job, there is no support????

  • Amber Brackin says:

    Thank you so Much! I needed this encouragement with where my life is right now. Two boys 5 and 2 and a New born can leave little to no time for mama to refresh. I find myself going crazy a lot and having to apologize a lot. This is very important to remember in order to be a healthy mama for our kids! Thank you!!

  • Ashley says:

    6x outs later lol! Needed this today thank you.

  • Brandy Kane says:

    I SOOOO needed to read this and be reminded of a few things. We are 32 weeks pregnant with our 5th child and between school shopping, our oldest starting High School, doc appts, church, everyone else’s kids birthday parties, numerous baby showers including planning our own, finances, meals, cleaning the house, running errands, bible study and everything else in between, some days I just have a meltdown from trying to please everyone, show up for everyone’s events, raise my kids and be a wife not to mention being pregnant. I am learning to say “no” to things and people and practice a little more self care and this article just totally confirmed it all for me. God obviously wants my focus and priorities to be in the right places; on him, my husband and my kids before any and everything else and it’s time for me to take a step back from many things and many people:) Thank you for writing this!

  • Suzie says:

    Why are we, as women, always on the gerbil wheel? Why has “overdrive” become the norm? It’s literally killing me! I swear I want to close all of my social media accounts and move to another state (far, far, away) so that I can become completely anonymous…seemingly the only way out of this continuous, non-stop, 24-7, MADNESS!

  • Michelle Lankins says:

    Same applies to the husband. Different in some situations but I thoughthink of Lorin Lankins. Sr.

  • Stephany says:

    Like many others on this forum, I too needed to read this! Thank you for the encouragement and reminders that we don’t have to be perfect! 💕

Leave a Reply