“I just want to cuddle more – no strings attached!” Does this sound familiar?
Maybe you crave more physical touch like hugs or holding hands… without heading to the bedroom. The problem is, your spouse has other ideas. How can you get that need met without making them feel rejected?
Sexuality is just one of many ways spouses can connect. It shouldn’t be the only time you touch, and all forms of touch aren’t meant to lead to sex. Instead, balance is necessary to ensure you and your spouse are both getting (and giving) what you need.
Human Touch is Powerful
The power of human touch is remarkable. We learned that firsthand when our oldest son was born three months premature. He was our miracle baby. During that three-month stay in the hospital, we learned just how powerful and life-sustaining touch is.
We began to connect with that same power in our own relationship, and discovered how much we can communicate through touch. Words can create a sense of closeness at one level, but touch communicates far beyond speech. Touch sears moments into memories.
Be Honest About Your Needs
Find some time to spend together where you and your spouse can talk about your needs and desires. If you’re craving more physical touch but don’t always want that to lead to sex, it’s important to talk it out. You could say something like, “Honey, I love you and I really enjoy the intimacy we have. But I’d also love to cuddle more often without ending up in the bedroom. Can we talk about that?”
Emphasize how connected you feel with your spouse in every kind of interaction. It’s okay to want more tender touch, and to ask for it. You two might be able to agree on a code word or a way to ask for touch without sex that emphasizes what you want, rather than what you don’t.
Connect Intentionally Through Touch
Be intentional about connecting through tender touch every day. Rather than focusing on where physical touch might lead, use touch as a way to say, “I love you.” Let touch become another way of communicating affection and connection. Just two to three minutes of tender touch a day can accomplish so much for you emotionally.
It’s true that Physical Touch™ is one of the 5 Love Languages® created and defined by Dr. Gary Chapman. If Physical Touch is one of your primary Love Languages, you understand how essential it is. But it doesn’t have to be your main Love Language for you to greatly benefit from giving and receiving it.
Love Languages are more nuanced than you think. That’s why we partnered with Dr. Chapman to co-write The Love Language That Matters Most. This book helps you and your spouse take meaningful connection to the next level, offering your spouse’s Love Languages in ways they can best receive them. Learn more about the book and pick up your copy here.
How do you and your spouse incorporate intentional touch into your marriage? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
