Have you ever damaged or broken your spouse’s trust in you? Earning that trust back takes hard work and patience on both your parts. The good news is, in many situations, it’s possible to earn their trust again.
First, you’re probably already aware that your actions have had a grievous impact on your spouse and their sense of wellbeing. Second, we understand that it’s painful to learn you’ve hurt the person you love most. This may be one of the most painful situations you ever walk through together.
Easing back into a trusting relationship with your spouse takes commitment, time, patience, and selflessness. You will need to be prepared to invest a lot of time and effort into regaining your spouse’s trust. If you and your spouse have agreed to work through this together, you’ll need to be prepared for a journey that will be difficult to navigate at times.
If you’re ready to begin earning back your spouse’s trust, we can help. Aside from taking immediate, corrective action to stop the destructive behavior, there are four things you can do to help throughout the rebuilding process.
1. Commit to doing whatever it takes to re-establish trust in your marriage.
Helping your spouse trust you again means doing whatever it takes to help them be able to believe in your words and actions. You’ll need to work together to figure out what this looks like for your relationship. Be receptive to your spouse’s requests and understand that there’s a reason they’re asking this of you. Be willing to listen and set aside habits or relationships that hurt their ability to trust you. If you’re serious about healing your relationship, this is a crucial step.
2. Realize your spouse may need a long time to heal–and give them as much time as they need.
Demanding that your spouse trust you again within a specific time frame is unrealistic–and it will do further harm to your relationship. The fact that you did something to hurt them means you now need to give them the time and space to heal. You do not need to nag your spouse about how long it will take for them to be okay. They likely won’t be okay for a long time, but the fact that they’re trying to give you grace is a good sign. Your spouse’s love for you means you have the chance to make things right–but this won’t happen in your time.
3. Be patient while your spouse processes the situation.
Refrain from expressing or showing impatience toward your spouse. Patience goes hand-in-hand with time. There will likely be times when your spouse wants to talk through the situation with you, for example. They might need to gain a better understanding of what happened. When they approach you, show patience and love as you answer their questions. Don’t behave as though they have no right to ask. If you’re serious about rebuilding trust, patience is part of the process.
4. Be selfless in your endeavor to re-earn trust.
Earning your spouse’s trust again is heavily dependent on your ability to be selfless. Selfish actions damage trust. But selflessness can heal broken trust and hurting relationships. Stay focused on putting your spouse first and serving them in love. Be diligent and genuine as you do so. Consistently showing your spouse how much you care for them will go a long way toward earning their trust once again.
Learn to show Christlike love to your spouse.
Jesus was the ultimate demonstrator of true godly love. Whether you’re rebuilding trust in your marriage or just want to love your spouse better, my (Les’s) book, Love Like That, is a road map for loving more like Christ. The lessons contained in this book can help heal any relationship, but especially your marriage. Get your copy here.
Rebuilding trust is a difficult road to travel with your spouse. It’s possible you may need to consider seeking professional support to walk through this season. You can also reach out to a SYMBIS Facilitator near you who can work with you and your spouse to find the path toward healing. Click here to locate a SYMBIS Facilitator in your area.
Have you and your spouse ever had to rebuild broken trust? How did you do it? Let us know in the comments.