Did your spouse experience abuse in childhood? Does that impact your marriage today?
Every childhood comes with baggage; some worse than others. No matter how good your home life was growing up, you likely still came away with issues of some kind. Nobody escapes that; it’s a typical human experience.
However, growing up in a home where abuse was a regular occurrence is not so typical. If your spouse grew up in a home where they were abused, you have some serious healing ahead. Trauma—whether that’s from physical, verbal, or sexual abuse—can impact your life for years to come.
Childhood abuse is a serious topic that can’t be adequately addressed in one short article. Our goal is to offer some hope that you can walk through this together. With the right support, you and your spouse can build a healthier relationship, even while facing and working through past trauma.
Understanding Childhood Abuse Can Give Context To Present Issues
If your spouse experienced past abuse, knowing what happened can add context to issues you may be navigating today. Abuse often impacts a person’s sense of trust, safety, and how they approach relationships. One person’s trauma can complicate things that seem like simple, everyday tasks to someone else.
Childhood trauma can negatively impact a marriage. This can happen whether or not a person is fully aware of the abuse they endured. If that has been your experience so far, know this isn’t your spouse’s fault. It’s possible for them to find healing.
Awareness is curative. We know a couple who went for decades before one spouse revealed abuse that occurred in their childhood. Once the spouse understood what happened, the past 25 years of their marriage made much more sense.
Have you known about your spouse’s childhood trauma for a while? Is it recent news to you? Either way, knowing what happened gives you the opportunity to stay by their side as they work through these issues.
Offer Your Healing Presence
There’s power in vulnerability. If your spouse has been able to disclose what happened to them when they were young, you have an opportunity to be a very healing presence. Your presence has the power to help them rewrite some of those negative tapes from their past. But here’s the most important part: This can’t be done without the guidance of a gifted, trained counselor.
Working with a competent counselor, and maybe even a marriage mentor couple, could help you both find healing along the way. It’s essential to seek support from people who understand exactly what you’re going through. Counseling offers a professional, informed perspective on trauma, while marriage mentors can come alongside you on your healing journey.
Pursuing healing together also means taking time to bond outside these tender conversations. Our One Year Love Talk Devotional offers 365 days of wisdom and insights to carry you through the next year. If you’re looking to deepen your bond each day, learn more and get your copy.
Has childhood trauma impacted your marriage? How did you and your spouse address it? Share your experiences in the comments.
