Do you feel skeptical, cynical, or negative toward marriage? Do you think happily ever after isn’t an option?
Whether you’re single or already married, it’s possible that you hold a negative attitude toward marriage. Maybe you grew up in a family where divorce was common, or you weren’t exposed to what a healthy marriage should look like. Perhaps you are already married, but fear it won’t last.
If you’re single or dating, you might feel apprehensive about considering marriage. If you’re married, your negative feelings might come out as cynical jokes, hurtful comments, or a generally bad attitude. Either way, you’re only succeeding in pushing away good possibilities.
There’s good news, though. Even if there’s pain in your past, it’s possible to develop a more positive attitude toward marriage. Let’s explore how you can do that.
Learn to See Marriage as Sacred
Our society doesn’t focus on marriage as sacred, but that’s exactly what it is. There’s incredible meaning and depth in the bond between husband and wife. Seeing that bond for what it is can help you build a more positive perspective.
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper or a legal agreement. It’s a lifelong commitment. It’s God-ordained. And, it creates a sense of grounding and security you just don’t feel otherwise. When you marry, you commit your lives to caring for one another.
Focus on the Sense of Security Marriage Creates
When a couple marries, it changes their relationship dynamic. Getting married creates a solid foundation for the life you’re building together. If you have children before you marry, that marriage changes how your kids feel, too.
Marriage brings a sense of permanence to children. If your parents divorced when you were young, you may have missed out on that secure feeling. Getting married to the right person is your chance to create a new legacy of permanence for your family.
Examine and Let Go of Your Fears
When we fear a commitment like marriage, we need to ask why. Are you fearful that you won’t be able to keep this promise you’re making to yourself and your partner? Do you feel that you’re at risk of the same issues you observed growing up? Do you assume your marriage can’t last because of your past?
Take time to examine your fears. Get help if you need it, either from a trusted marriage mentor, counselor, or therapist. Unraveling these fears could actually help you reframe your view of marriage. After all, you have the opportunity to create a new legacy for your children.
Talk to other couples who have been married for many years, and who you trust and respect. Learn the steps they’ve taken to stay committed to one another over the years. Ask how they weathered the storms. It’s absolutely possible to replace your negative feelings toward marriage with positive ones–and you might need help doing it. And that’s okay.
You Can Save Your Marriage Before It Starts
It’s possible to build reassurance and positivity around marriage. Our book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, pairs with the SYMBIS assessment to help you and your spouse, fiancee, or dating partner get to know one another on a deeper level. You can work directly with one of our many SYMBIS facilitators to further protect and solidify your relationship, too.
To get started, take a look at our Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts bundle, which includes his and hers workbooks, here. You can learn more about the assessment here, and find a facilitator here. Getting your relationship on the right track will help you build a more positive attitude toward your marriage for the long term.
How have you built a more positive attitude toward being married? Did you and your spouse seek counseling or marriage mentors? Share your stories with us in the comments.