Are you locked in endless money fights with your spouse?
Money is a significant topic in marriage. For as long as we can remember, money has been the number one source of conflict for married couples. Fighting about money is inevitable, and at some point, every couple will face a financial disagreement. So how can you proactively work on money issues before they come up?
Why Do Money Fights Happen?
There are many reasons why money arguments happen. First, money can represent who holds power in the relationship. It can also represent whose needs get met, and when.
Money management also creates conflict. Maybe one spouse pays all the bills and controls the finances, while the other wants to be involved. Perhaps you can’t agree on who should hold the most responsibility.
Spending, saving, and earning also create conflicts in marriage. You and your spouse might have conflicting spending and saving styles. Maybe one of you earns much more money than the other, and that spouse carries a heavier financial load as a result.
Make a Money Plan Together – and Stick To It
There’s actually a lot you can do to mitigate financial disagreements before they escalate. First, a practical step is to set up a budget together. On our website, you can find a free budget worksheet to help you get started.
If you haven’t already started budgeting together, seriously consider setting aside some time to agree on one. The worksheet is simple and pragmatic. However, putting the budget together and living it out is a different story.
Some individuals can be inspired to live differently through their dreams for the future, rather than through practical and straightforward tools. Figure out the best approach for each of you. Consider sitting down together and asking, “What’s our vision as a couple? What kind of future are we building together? How do we envision our money supporting our dreams?”
If it feels easier to live in your feelings and you don’t feel drawn to the budget’s practicality, consider that budgeting will help you achieve your dreams. Build in some rewards for yourselves. Along the way, you’ll be able to see that you’re making progress.
Automate Financial Decisions Where You Can
Another way to take some tension away from your finances is to automate as much as you can. Put systems in place such as direct deposits, online banking, automatic bill pay, automatic savings, and automatic investments. Tech tools can help to simplify your decision-making process. When smaller financial decisions are already made, that gives you more energy and time to deal with larger issues and decisions.
Be Empathic and Avoid Parenting One Another
When it comes to money, it’s tempting to micromanage and parent one another. Scrutinizing every financial decision your spouse makes will keep the conflict cycle going. If one spouse constantly criticizes the other over money, you’ll stay in gridlock regardless of budgets or automated systems.
Most importantly, keep communication open and have empathy for one another. Money conflict will rear its head occasionally, but it doesn’t have to consume you. If you find yourselves continuing to fight, it may be important to seek support from a trusted pastor or counselor.
The health of your marriage–and your financial health–starts with you. Becoming a healthier individual can help you better navigate conflict of all kinds, including money fights. Our book, Healthy Me, Healthy Us, is a roadmap to becoming a healthier person, which has a ripple effect into every relationship, including your marriage. Learn more and get your copy here.
Have you and your spouse struggled with money fights? How did you resolve the conflict? Leave us a comment and let us know.
