There is a saying in India, “When a pickpocket meets a saint, all he sees are the pockets.” Our motives shape what we see – and don’t see – around us. Consider the fabled story of the man from Colorado who moved to Texas and built a house with a large picture window from which he could view hundreds of miles of rangeland. “The only problem is,” he said, “there’s nothing to see.” About the same time, a Texan moved to Colorado and built a house with a large picture window overlooking the Rockies. “The only problem is I can’t…
My partner accuses me of keeping him in the dark, of not telling him everything. I, on the other hand, believe we should respect one another’s privacy on some matters. What do you think? Should we never keep a secret from each other? Most of us were raised to believe that in good marriages, there are no secrets — that couples should tell each other everything. We believe that in a good marriage spouses are totally transparent with each other, revealing all of what they think, feel and do so that absolutely nothing is hidden. But while this ideal may…
I’m a working woman. I went to college to be a graphic designer and landed a great job shortly after graduation. In fact, I earn more than my fiancé. However, my parents are convinced that since I work outside the home, our marriage is going to fall apart. Is there any evidence to show that a wife that works leads to marriage problems? The relationship of work and family in the United States has undergone a profound change in the last few decades. More and more women have entered the labor force. In the past, most women in the workplace…
Sometimes it feels like we are speaking different languages. What I think I said isn’t what he heard and vice-versa. Maybe if I knew just how men and woman communicate differently, I could do something about it. What are the differences in communication between men and women? Only recently have researchers begun to understand how drastically different men and women communicate. Deborah Tannen and other sociolinguists have come to believe that the genders speak so differently, in fact, that they can be considered different languages — or at least different “genderlects.” In her ground-breaking book, You Just Don’t Understand, Tannen…
Nearly every couple we talk to says that communication is the key to a successful marriage. But when we ask these same couples what “good communication” is, we get a lot of foggy answers. Can you pin-point the most essential parts of good communication for us? With so many thick books on communication, it is sometimes difficult to cut through the clutter and sum it all up. The following is our attempt: Send clear and accurate messages. Precise and unambiguous statements facilitate good communication, while imprecise and ambiguous statements hinder it. Consider the difference between these two statements: “You hurt…
