We Want to Protect Our Marriage From Infidelity. What Should We Do?


If you’re worried about protecting your marriage from infidelity, there’s good news: it means you care deeply about the commitment you’ve made to your spouse. The two of you have something special, and you’re dedicated to seeing it through.

There are many steps you can take to protect your marriage from an affair, including open communication, setting boundaries, and meeting each other’s needs. In this article, we’re sharing a few things you can start doing right away to help one another feel loved and secure. Let’s get started.

Tell Each Other How Much You Value Your Relationship

One important way to affair-proof your marriage is to openly communicate to your spouse about how much you value them and your relationship. Let them know that you take your vows seriously. Tell them how much you love them on a regular basis.

Your marriage is a commitment that you treasure, so make sure you are communicating that. Take intentional action each day to show your love and appreciation for your spouse. This doesn’t always require elaborate gestures; the little things add up.

Talk About Your Uncertainties and Fears

It’s natural to have fleeting worries about your spouse’s faithfulness, or about your own ability to stay faithful. Self-doubt and fear are normal, but it’s important to avoid creating a mood of uncertainty in your relationship. This is especially true if neither of you has any solid reason to suspect unfaithfulness.

You might be feeling anxious, but don’t let anxiety drive every conversation. Lead with the love you have for one another and keep that front and center. Finally, reassure one another when fears do arise.

Set Healthy Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

Healthy boundaries can help protect your marriage from infidelity. You can set boundaries together. Identify areas of agreement and decide on the ways you want to guard your relationship.

For example, be open and honest with each other about the things that make you comfortable or uncomfortable. Find ways to help one another feel safe. For example, the two of you might agree not to meet or communicate with opposite-sex friends in private.

Work to Meet One Another’s Emotional Needs

Affairs are often the result of unmet emotional needs, rather than physical ones. With that in mind, you’ll want to get clear on what each of your emotional needs are, and do your best to meet them for each other. When you’re both feeling emotionally safe and fulfilled in your marriage, you’re more likely to enjoy a secure, lasting relationship.

If you need help getting clarity, we suggest taking a relationship assessment like the SYMBIS Assessment. Resources like Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages are also incredibly helpful in this area. Knowing yourselves and one another on a deeper level will help you both know what to ask for, and how to help one another feel loved.

Check In With Each Other Regularly

Finally, make time to communicate regularly about your needs. Does your spouse feel that their needs are being met right now? What about you? Take this opportunity to learn more about how your relationship dynamic is working, then take steps toward improvement.

If you want a carefully crafted guide to protecting your marriage from all angles–not just infidelity–we can help. Our book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, pairs with the SYMBIS Assessment for a well-rounded look at your unique relationship. If you’re remarrying, take a look at Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts. Both books act as roadmaps to a happier lifelong marriage.

What steps have you and your spouse taken to protect your marriage from an affair? Share your success stories in the comments.

One Comment

  • Julianna says:

    It took me almost two years to open up to my partner about my fears and uncertainties. It’s not always easy, even if you’ve been with your partner for months or years. Now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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