How can I convince my husband to go back to school and make the most out of his life?
Let’s say you’re a few years into marriage, and perhaps your husband’s career prospects aren’t looking very rosy. Maybe your income isn’t comfortable, or his professional status isn’t what you believe it should be. It’s important that you pause to consider your motivations behind these feelings.
First, remember that you married your husband for his qualities, and that those qualities may now lend themselves to his current career situation. His vocation may be fulfilling for him, whether or not the idea of it is fulfilling for you.
In this video, we discuss conflicts that arise when one spouse is feeling dissatisfied over the other’s choice of career.
Your husband may be content in his work, or he may simply be using his bill-paying job as a means to an end (for example, he might he pursuing his passion on the side).
Some people develop their talents and abilities within the context of a job, but some do not. Some people pursue their passions on the side as they meet their family’s needs with a regular job.
Don’t let your own preferences or vision of who you think your husband should be cloud your love for him. You cannot force him to choose a career field that suits you; the direction his work takes will depend heavily upon who he is, and where his passions lie.
It’s important to work together to build a shared vision of your life as a couple, based on who both of you really are. You fell in love with one another because of who you are–and it’s important to focus on the qualities you love about one another as you navigate all areas of your life, career included. Your life together is bigger than either of your jobs, so work together to build your vision.
What do you think? Have you and your spouse clashed over vocational or career paths? We’d love to hear from you!
I generally have no issue with my husband’s career choice plus he is a pleasant and patient guy. What I have an issue with is that it doesn’t pay the bills sufficiently, leaving the strain on me to handle major expenses like the children’s costs etc, and he never urgently seeks to find ways to assist unless I light a fire on him. He hasn’t had an upgrade in his job since he begun this position over the last 16 years ago. And we now have 3 children all under the age of 10, going to paid schools. Our first child, a boy, is on the autism spectrum, so he has additional costs for therapy etc. that have become very much challenging. We had made a decision to expand to one additional child for my autistic son’s sake. It would help him to develop social skills having company at home. The third child was unplanned, and had me quite depressed and confused. But she is a blessing and loves her brothers so much. They are getting older, and the costs are increasing. He isn’t budging to increase his income significantly…an action he had the opportunity to pursue and forfeited those opportunities on two occasions. At that time, it was a great time for him to expand himself. And he stopped and now he is making excuses. He just takes loans which are digging us in a deeper hole. We had a plan…I am just tired of waiting for him to realize that he is no longer just a son to his parents. He is a husband and father, and husbands and fathers seek ways to provide sufficiently for their families. Not stress their wives out to fill the gaps where they fall short consistently. It bothers me a lot. I am just trusting God for a solution. Not wanting to make any decisions that I will regret later, but I feel like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in the future of my marriage. If I dont initiate things, nothing happens. I feel so betrayed.
I feel like I’m in the exact same situation as you and it’s really hard. I’m a pharmacist and make a decent amount of money – the whole reason I went to pharmacy school was to have the ability to provide for myself or my family if it came down to it. My husband has never really had a career and has bounced from job to job. He is trying to be a loan officer now but doesn’t make enough to even pay the school tuition ($1600/month) for our kids. It makes the marriage very challenging for me and I wish he has more ambition and drive to take care of our family. It honestly makes you feel really crappy when you realize your husband just doesn’t have the motivation to care for his family. It’s such a hard situation.