It can be easy to over complicate what it takes to have a healthy, thriving marriage. We can look at our spouse’s needs and feel it necessary to make grandiose plans to show our love. Most often, however, showing consistent, small acts of affection and appreciation can go further and last longer than a weekend away, an expensive gift, or even a big vacation.
Having a great marriage happens how most everything does: by making one intentional, meaningful step at a time. If you are stuck in a rut, or simply looking for ways to make a good marriage a great one, here are 8 ridiculously simple ways to improve your marriage.
1. Say, “Thank you.”
If your spouse does something that you recognize and appreciate, say thank you. This seems obvious, but our expectations can sometimes be unhealthy, and we too often take our spouse’s actions for granted. Show gratitude especially if they do something above and beyond your ask or your expectations. Saying thank you is not only positive reinforcement, but an act of love.
2. Praise your spouse in public.
Think about the last time somebody praised you in public or in front of your friends and family. Remember how good that made you feel? Praising your spouse in public has to be one of the most simple and yet most powerful ways to improve your marriage. It sends an immediate sense of deep appreciation to them and also sets a tone for the future. Take those opportunities as often as you can. If you haven’t done this lately, do it the very next chance you get!
3. Show physical affection.
Men, the answer to improving your marriage may be as easy as grabbing your wife’s hand, or putting your arm around her at church. Just one touch to the knee or a small kiss on a regular basis will tell your wife how much you love her. And ladies, this is your call, too! Men are often driven by physical affection. They love your touch! Often, they live for it. It takes no planning, just awareness and the willingness to make it a priority. Take time to show these acts of affection and see what it can do over time.
4. Send texts or emails throughout the day just to say you are thinking of them.
Similar to saying thank you, if you are thinking of your spouse throughout the day, tell them! Otherwise, how are they supposed to know? As we part ways for work, school or as parents, it can be so easy to live our separate lives during the day and come together at night. But how great is it to get those small reminders throughout the day from your spouse? “I love you,” “I am praying for you,” “I can’t wait to see you,” or just a simple, “I am thinking about you,” can bridge those longs gaps in the day you spend apart and, over time, can really strengthen your marriage.
5. Say, “You look beautiful/handsome.”
I’m not sure you can say this enough. Men, this is especially important for you. Women want fewer things more than to be beautiful for you. They live for it. And when you tell them that is so, you have all but made their day. Tell her she is beautiful for different reasons. It may be when she is all dressed up, or perhaps it’s a typical day in her workout gear. This simply can’t be said enough. Women, you can do this too! Want to puff up your man? Tell him he is looks handsome as he walks out the door. You’re attracted to your spouse, right? Let them know!
6. Put your phone down.
Or any distraction for that matter. Simply put, our phones are killing our face-to-face relationships. Text messages, emails and phones calls steal time away from the people we vowed to love first and foremost. It can’t be said enough. Set boundaries with your technology time or it will steal away moments, little by little. Technology is a wonderful tool that can turn destructive if we don’t put it down, look the people we love in the eye and have conversations that matter. Without constant connection, your marriage will surely suffer. Set those boundaries and keep them. So simple, and so very necessary.
7. Pursue him/her sexually.
Without sex, your spouse is simply a best friend and roommate. We get it. Life gets crazy. You’re tired. You may feel far apart and sex isn’t appealing. But it is essential. Pursue your spouse. Men, this may look like warming your wife up throughout the day, sending her messages, letting her know you care. Women, this may mean initiating sex. Men love nothing more. We can forget that sex is a gift when life starts happening. But it one of the key differences between marriage and any other relationship we carry in life.
8. Be the first to apologize.
Conflict. Nobody loves it, but everybody has it. If you’re wrong, apologize–and do it quickly. Defuse the situation before it gets out of hand. Swallow that pride and step into humility. Be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to apologize. Our words matter so much. We should use them wisely. Once said, they can be forgiven, but not always forgotten. Put this into practice next time you argue. If you’re wrong, say so. Move on. Life is too short and your marriage is too important.
These are just 8 suggestions for loving your spouse in simple ways. You don’t have to make grandiose gestures for love to be real. Find freedom from the pressure of big-time actions and choose to love in the little things We all want to be seen, loved and appreciated in our marriages, and we have endless, seemingly small opportunities to show that love daily. Start today. Be intentional. It may feel awkward at first, but keep going. Seeing your spouse warm up to you will be more than worth it. If your desire is to make a good marriage great, the answers may just be this simple!
This is eight simple suggestions, but I totally concur with these suggestions. Thanks for to suggestions and providing to the public – powerful information and simple concept.
You guys are SO AWESOME! Thanks for the encouraging and instructional words of wisdom!
Great suggestions…..Thank you! I would add turn the TV off too and talk or go for a walk. The TV can be as addicting as phones.
Absolutely! The TV is just as bad or worse at times!
#marriagerocks
I love the “say I’m sorry” IF you were wrong. The problem I see in this, though, is that little word, “if.” Men OFTEN think they are not wrong. I have made apologies and had my boyfriend say, “I did nothing wrong here” and refused to own his part of the conflict. It destroyed our relationship. It’s very hurtful, and no one is to always to blame in conflict. It takes one for forgive but two to reconcile. Men just don’t apologize!
It was probably a blessing your relationship with that guy fell apart if he didn’t love you enough to apologize to you. But to generalize all men from the selfish man you once dated is a bit of a stretch. When a man loves his wife, and they have a true biblical marriage, it is not about the pride of saving face, but rather the trust and the vulnerability that is only found in a marital relationship.
Until you get there with a man, keep your standards high and don’t accept anything less than you deserve, which is a man that will be willing and able to be open and unguarded with you.
Oddly… My husband says sorry more than I do. I definitely have a pride issue in that area. I quite like Mike’s reply to you. Keep your standards high, a guy is out there.
Lynn, sorry about Ur boyfriend not apologizing but u can’t put dat generally on men. My husband apologizes all d time even when I’m wrong.
Yeah. I have to agree with Mike. My hubby is usually the first to apologize and I’m very thankful, because it’s not one of my best qualities. I don’t think our marriage would have make it 21 years so far if not for that. We do need to work on all the other points though. 😉
Wonderful, simple info that will make a difference. Thank you for posting.
I beg to differ on number five. There’s nothing worse than be complimented on your looks. Looks are NOT what is most important. It’s being a beautiful PERSON, not a beautiful/handsome body.
And on number six, I would add ‘and turn off the television’, lol. You are right, life does ‘get in the way’. Our home should be a haven from the outside world. I believe we should stop allowing the outside world to come into our home, our castle, our refuge – so much. Take joy in each other, find our ‘safe harbor’ in each other, not others things.
Might I offer you a different perspective, from a fellow woman? I hear compliments from others, but they don’t mean as much as one sincere compliment, yes, on my looks, from my spouse. I want to be the most attractive person to him, and I know he’ll see my personality and my character when he looks at me and compliments “my looks”, just like I “looked” at him differently when we fell in love. I want the sight of me to be a blessing to him, and I fail often in my efforts to get in the shape I once was. I’m sharing my body with him, so it’s important for me to hear that he enjoys the sight of it. I liked the author’s suggestion of varying the ways the man compliments her so it’s not the same all the time. My personhood, however, is something God is developing and growing and shaping. If he complimented me on my personhood, I would be more than a little bit confused. (But I would love to hear him thank God for what he’s doing in me!)
Thank you Valori, well said. I care most what my husband thinks of me. I want him to be attracted to me. He’s surrounded by women all day at work, so to hear “honey you look nice” or ” you are beautiful”, means so much.
It is true that the most important aspect is the inside, but we all live in these bodies and it is nice for the soul to be complemented about the outside too.
Great practical ways to demonstrate your love. Especially like praising your spouse in public.
They absolutely work and the more you can make it a habit, the easier it becomes and the better you marriage becomes!
Simple and ridiculous indeed. One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband during courtship. We would always send messages all day, showing love and affection. Unfortunately all that changed few months into the marriage as soon as his 27yr old married daughter decides she doesn’t want her father married again.
Its my second marriage and the fouth for my husband.
Now he would rather text, chat and send emails to his daughter than me and my daughter its from 6an -6am constantly . All those simple ridiculous words/things I loved have disappeared!
She is in different country and text now come in at 2am or 4am!! I cant even have a lunch date without him chatting with her on whatsap. His reason? He has a crush on his kids and will die for them.
Funny thing is one of the reasons I fell for him was his love for his kids. Now he has two families I saw a man who made mistakes, and was willing to change. I thought he would be a good father figure for my daughter as her biological father was a no show.
His daughter even sends emails planninv holidays for the year. Holidays that dont include me and my daughter.
Not sure why he fell n love with me or why he wanted to get married although he still says he loves me.
I will pray for you that you will have the courage to speak to him honestly about how you are feeling…and that the Holy Spirit will give you the right words to say. God bless.
Thank you for the tips, we know them as good and how importent habbits these are, but keep forgetting and loosing the value of them with the lost of honesty and the genuineness of our relationship.
So simple, yet, so necessary. We love the “Big 8” and use them whenever possible. #7 gets tougher as you get to our age!!