Opposite Sex Friendships: 3 Scenarios and What to Do

It can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender. While same-sex friendships tend to be easy to nurture after we’re married, there’s an entirely different set of considerations when it comes to having opposite-sex friends.

The first question to ask ourselves is, where are we going to invest our energy and focus? Obviously, our marriage is the most precious relationship to protect. Outside of that, we have to decide how we’re going to approach our other relationships in light of this sacred covenant we’ve created with our spouse.

So does that mean we have to abandon our opposite-sex friends once we’re married? Not at all. But we may have to make some changes in order to prioritize our marriages moving forward. Read on for a few common opposite-gender friendship scenarios…and how to handle them.

1. Maintaining friendships with the opposite sex when your spouse is uneasy

First, it’s important to note that simply having opposite-sex friends shouldn’t be threatening to your marriage. That is, unless your spouse is feeling deeply unnerved by it.

If your spouse feels threatened by your friendships, you’ll need to be respectful of their feelings. You’ll also need to talk to your spouse about it. Without hostility or blaming, gently let your spouse know that you’ve noticed they seem to be feeling uneasy about your friend(s). Give them a chance to tell you why, then offer reassurance that you’re committed to your marriage.

Your spouse’s discomfort with your friendships doesn’t mean you have to sever them completely. But it does mean you need to be extra diligent about building your spouse’s confidence. Your treatment of the situation should help reassure your spouse that your friendships are safe. You don’t have to lose your friendships, but you do have to demonstrate that your spouse’s needs and your commitment to the marriage are more important.

If you can, involve your spouse in the friendships, or build them into couple friendships. Set some boundaries that help your spouse feel more secure, like carefully considering where you go and what you do with these friends. Above all, make sure your spouse can feel comfortable and relaxed–not uncomfortable and anxious. Building these protective hedges around your marriage will let your spouse know that you cherish your relationship, and you care about it enough to protect it at all costs.

2. Navigating a close friendship with an opposite-sex coworker

If you’ve developed a close friendship with an opposite-sex coworker, it’s important to be aware that this can set off warning alarms in your spouse’s mind. After all, we spend a huge part of our lives at work; it’s very common for spouses to question, “Could there be something more to this friendship?” And unfortunately, workplace affairs are common.

Be aware that a friendship with your coworker could make your spouse feel suspicious, jealous, and vulnerable. With this in mind, reassure your spouse that you love them and cherish your relationship. Then, it might be best to make some decisions together about how and where you’ll spend time with your coworker during business hours and work-related activities.

Keep your in-office interactions as public as possible, and make sure to speak positively about your spouse often. Display photos of your spouse and children around your desk to show their importance to you life.

Perhaps your spouse might feel more comfortable if you agree not to be alone with your coworker for prolonged periods of time. You might need to avoid going off-site alone with your coworker friend, to lunches, meetings, or elsewhere. Maybe you can agree to carpool with three or more people if you travel out of the office for any reason–or arrange to drive alone if carpooling isn’t an option.

Most importantly, if your spouse comes to you upset about your friendship, be careful not to become defensive or reactive. Try to empathically understand where they’re coming from, and be patient as you listen. Let them know it’s okay to express vulnerability, and give them the reassurance they need to feel more secure. Above all, keep the dialogue open and honest.

3. Reestablishing a friendship with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend

So an old flame has tried to reconnect with you, and you’re considering whether you should pursue a friendship with them. If you have to question whether it’s appropriate to reconnect with an ex after a period of time, you might be dealing with some old feelings. It’s easy to tell yourself you don’t have any sense of attachment to that person, but if you’re asking the question in the first place, you need to pause.

First, you need to sort through your feelings. You’re confused, and that’s understandable. But before you pursue this friendship, ask yourself a few questions:

  • Do you feel like this is a relationship your spouse doesn’t need to know about?
  • Do you doubt whether you could include your spouse in the friendship?
  • How can you make your marriage and commitment to your spouse part of the reconnection and friendship?
  • Do you feel comfortable with the idea of being friends with your ex?

Listen to your gut. If you know you wouldn’t feel totally comfortable with this relationship, this isn’t going to be a healthy connection for you or your marriage. The heart is nostalgic, and it’s very possible for old feelings to be stirred up and evoked in you when it comes to a person you used to be romantic with.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking back fondly on an old relationship, or even having a friend. But if you feel like this needs to be separate from your marriage, that’s a major red flag.

Talk to your spouse about this potential reconnection to see how they feel. If you decide together that this ex can be brought into your current life as a friend, it might work out if they can also be friends with your spouse. But tread carefully–this is sensitive territory. The bottom line is to always, always protect your marriage first.

How do you and your spouse navigate opposite-sex friendships in relation to your marriage? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.


  • sandra says:

    I have a lot of guy friends who are strictly just friends but my husband feels threatened by every single guy who I talk to or talk about with him and he believes that he caught me talking to guys and flirting with them because at some point I was texting them more than my husband. I explain to him that I was just catching up and of course we are just texting more back and forth then I would usually do it with him because I see him everyday at home and I talk to him in person rather than through text I also reminded him that I had told him for us to go on a double date with my friend and his girlfriend I don’t understand why he feels threatened by every single guy if I had told him multiple times that they’re just friends and I even came up with a double date with several of my friends so that they can meet up but my husband refuses to it could be an Ego thing for my husband. things that if I have that many guy friends that couldn’t just be friends because he talks about the friends that he used to hang out growing up and the girlfriend but it seems that his feelings are stronger than the facts and i have left the conversations as is to prove him that I have nothing to him. Still he has “trust issues” o believe he is not confident in himself to be confident on our marriage because of guy friends. He needs therapy but refuses.

    • EmilyM says:

      I am an outgoing, professional woman – had many close male friends when I married at 28. We’ve been married now for 10 years and ….the more my relationship and friendship grows with my husband – the less room there has been for any other male. This has been a natural evolution BUT I have evaluated texts/emails/lunches/ workplace conversations…. the more I’ve really considered making my husband my closest friend – those relationships have waned. The TRUST value in our marriage is now huge and I would strongly encourage you to reduce those male connection ON YOUR OWN. You’ll be amazed at the returns in your relationship with your husband.

      • Steve says:

        Well said!!! Thank you.
        This article made me very uneasy. I use to have a marriage that used this luke warm approach to marriage and now its destroyed. Playing with fire- you will get burned. I don’t text woman or have woman Facebook friends! The marriage is sacred and satan wants to destroy you and your spouse.

        • Maureen R Rocha says:

          If only all men could understand and see that. My boyfriend was constantly “liking” the women’s pictures on Facebook that were very scantily dressed. It causes a huge problem but he refuses to see that there is a problem with constantly connecting with other women.

        • Shelley says:

          I agree with your comment.
          Thank you

        • Joy Lewis says:

          Good point, Steve!

        • NSmith says:

          if your husband is your husband and he means more to you than this so-called guy friends or these guys you need to be spending more time with your husband texting and talk instead of other men I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to do the same thing to you with other women so women kill me when they think it’s okay for them to have male friends but they husband can’t what they think they husband is supposed to tolerate that you supposed to be separate yourself away from people like that once you are married you are committed to your husband not committed to know so-called male friends this always calls affairs an breakups in marriage is because people put their feelings first instead of their spouses feelings first which is being supposed to do women seem to think that they can do it because they think they know that they can be faithful to their husband and find ourselves in situations that causes them to end up cheating on their husband or spending more time with someone outside of their marriage it is not okay no matter what philosophy psychologist or whatever say it is not okay for anyone to spend more time with the opposite sex other than their own spouse it is not okay for no man to come into my marriage to my wife and think he’s going to be friends with her that is totally ridiculous I don’t care how many degrees you have that’s why the divorce rate is so high even in the workplace women have the tendency to be close to male coworker and they spend more time on their job with the man then they do with their own husband when they get home so they develop an emotional relationship let alone which would turn into a physical and vice-versa a man could be at work and spend more time with a female co-worker and he find himself involved with her before he knows because he didn’t got attached to her emotionally and then people have shared with the opposite sex more than they do with their own spouse personal information private information when they need to be spending that time and conversation with their spouse and not someone outside of their marriage.

      • Broseph says:

        Thank you for squaring this woman away

      • Livhuwani says:

        Thank for this article. It has some facts and truth that many ignore early in their marriage. And by the time they realize so much damage is done.

    • Timothy says:

      I used to have the same feelings when we first got married with a couple of my wife’s friends. What helped me was a five minute conversation with him. My wife was talking to him and had to go take care of something. It was just a casual conversation, and I don’t mind her talking to him at all now. Maybe remind him that you had all those friends before, and you chose him, and you still would.

    • Heather says:

      My husband and I had similar issues with what we considered appropriate in regards to communication and friendship with the opposite sex. It became such a big issue that we realized we needed to BOTH meet with a counselor and sort through it all. It was the best thing we could have done. In my humble opinion, it’s something you need to work through together with a professional. It’s not just his issue. Blessings!

      • Mrs. C says:

        I wish my husband would go to therapy with me. It would be so nice to get an unbiased persons help. I am insecure but I have my reasons for it. He has never cheated on me but has crossed emotional boundaries. I’m worried it is going on again and I’m a nervous wreck. I’m so glad therapy worked for you!

    • Zach says:

      I agree with EmilyM.
      And As a husband of a wife who had many guy friends before we got married, I knew that she chose me over those other guys. And yet I still struggled and had a hard time with her talking so much to a few of her guys friends when they were “catching up” over text or even a phone call now and then. I didn’t worry about her falling for them so much as I worried about those guys developing feelings for her. I worried about an emotional connection that could have been developing and quite honestly, I believe did for a time…
      However, this biggest reason for my having a hard time with had nothing to do with an “ego issue” but simply for the fact that she spent so much time investing in friendships with other males. I felt that I became less of a concern for her. I felt that she may have even gotten lazy with our own relationship at times because she figured, “well we’re already married, we know each other, what’s left to talk about?” And if we’re being honest, for some reason it has a different and sometimes stronger positive feeling attached when someone outside of our marriage paying attention to us, where as our spouse is expected too because we are married. We let it become less meaningful when we recieve “spousal attention” so to say.
      Since then, she has put more time into “couple things” and we began feeling more like ONE again. Now her brain isn’t always thinking about all her conversations with those other guys that I KNOW are just friends and nothing more. That has freed up her mind to think about our marriage more.

    • Bill R says:

      With all due respect Sandra, your approach to this is going to derail your marriage. You constantly insisting that these relationships are “just friends” and that he is wrong for being threatened will NEVER reassure him. Rather it invalidates his very real (if misguided) emotions, and he interprets your response to him as very disrespectful. The quickest way to push a husband away from you is to disrespect him. Telling him he needs therapy (even if he does have some things to work out) further sends the message that he is not the man you want him to be. Think of how you might feel if he bought you a diet cookbook for your birthday. Might you interpret this gesture as him saying that he won’t love you unless you slim down and take on the appearance of a cheerleader? Even if you confide to your girlfriends that you could shed a few pounds (which I am NOT insinuating here), getting that book from him feels like an unloving gesture. (Ironically, if said girlfriend gave you the same book, you’d probably take no offense to it, and you’d likely try recipes out together.) Back to the point, your response to your husband, as you’ve described it, probably feels very disrespectful to him.

      You wrote “I don’t understand why he feels threatened” but nothing in your response seeks to understand him. Rather than telling him he’s wrong for feeling threatened, or suggesting what to do about it (double dating), might I suggest a different approach? Gently reassure him that you certainly don’t mean to be hurting him and ask him if he can help you understand why these men are threatening to him. Also, since he is the one threatened, ask him what he would like to see change in order for him to feel more comfortable and confident in his marriage.

      Seeking this understanding is the only way you can approach a solution to the issue. I would also encourage you to re-read section 1 above and commit to doing whatever it takes to protect the marriage, even if it means ceases from these communications. This is not unheard of; since we’ve been married (17 years) my wife and I have committed to never being alone with the opposite sex (whether personally or in cyberspace). It’s not that we don’t trust one another; we don’t trust the enemy, and nothing on earth is more sacred or deserving of more protection than our marriage covenant.

      I hope this helps.

      • Joyce says:

        Bill thank you for this comment from a man point of view. I recently left a very good relationship because of the “ other female friends.” I wished my boyfriend had the compassion to see that’s all I wanted was reassurance and a few extra hugs when I was fewling insecure. Many of us have been in relationships where we’ve been cheated on so of course we’re gonna perhaps be a little nervous. Instead of dismissing the insecurity your approach would have saved my relationship. As I didn’t want him to stop being friends with the woman, I just wanted to know that it was me he loved most!!

    • Barry Chandler says:

      Every case is different, however I do believe there must always be boundaries if you are in a committed relationship. Example, my wife dated this guy once and they knew it wasn’t going anywhere yet they remained friends before we met. After we started dating, she would want to go hang out with him at an event he invited her to b/c his buddy or another gal pal couldn’t make it. I had no problem with her going to an event with him if was a group thing, but her going by herself with him didn’t set well with me at all. I believe this is a boundary line you shouldn’t cross. Am I insecure? Yes because my ex-wife cheated on me with someone who was a friend of ours. Affairs can start out with seemingly innocent relationships. It always starts off emotional before it gets physical. So in my opinion, your relationships with the opposite sex should be very guarded and you should value your husbands opinion and respect his desires. Otherwise, you are creating tension and struggles for him.

    • Sue says:

      As a girl who loves sports, I could easily spend a lot of time with guys talking about and watching sports. If I did this, I would be taking time away from getting other things done so I could ultimately spend quality time with the one person I chose to devote my life to – my husband. Our intimate partners need our time, attention and affection. They deserve to have ALL of use because they are devoting themselves to us as well. Choosing to give attention of any kind to another man outside of the family can lead to temptation when times aren’t so rosy with our spouse. Having other men to run to takes away opportunities for your spouse to grow and learn to be there for you in new situations. Who is there to listen to me run on about boring stuff, run to the store when I need something, take care of me when I’m sick, support me and my family, emotionally financially, etc…
      Believe it or not, we get something when we interact with someone of the opposite sex whether we want to admit it or not – and they get something from us! I’ve spent more time cultivating my friendships with females, which has made my partner my ‘go to’ which he deserves!!! It’s easy and fun to have friends of the opposite sex, especially if your attractive or fun to be around, but it’s also self indulgent. Just my opinion.

    • Joel says:

      You sound like you’re friends are very important. Do one thing encourage your husband to talk the opposite sex more just like you do, also encourage him to be friends with them text them more than he texts you and you shouldn’t bat an eye. This will help in feeling less insecure about your social interactions as he’ll be having the same sense of satisfaction you get from those interactions or friendships. Hope it was helpful 🙂👍

  • Lyn says:

    What if spouse loves the attention of other women ? What if after hanging out in their offices @work or with them @work events he uses porn to act out + gets angry @wife for not wanting porn in their martiage. What if he agreed to go to several counselors but dismissed their advice , because he knows more than they do. +does not want to have boundaries w/ women or change his habits that are escalating his anger ?

    • Lynn H says:

      You are not alone on these issues. My first husband was the same way. I just dealt with it for years not knowing what to do. Then i got involved in a marriage class support group at church. It hurt me so much to share what was going on, but i did it. They prayed for me and for him. But best advice they gave me was for me to go get some Godly Christian counseling. It really helped me.
      I will pray for you and please try to get some counseling. If you don’t know who a good counselor is, try calling Focus on the Family 800 phone number. They give free counseling names in your area.
      God Bless your heart.
      And remember God Loves You

  • Daniel says:

    I really appreciate the comments written above. My work as a paramedic puts me with women partners all the time so this definitely could become an issue. Things that have helped are my relationships with Jesus Christ, older married mentors and intentionally investing in my wife. We had some major financial stress before getting this job seven months ago and she’s been very encouraging. She brought the kids for a surprise visit on Father’s Day and that was so wonderful.

  • Laura says:

    My husband’s ex decided they would remain best friends after their divorce no matter how her current husband or I felt about it. It took 5 years for me (and our pastor) to convince my husband to put boundaries in place. Although they are now all in place, the resentment I feel for having to initiate and try to convince all this time has all but ruined my health. After running up $5K of doctors bills this year, I let my husband know the root of my health problems. I’m still waiting for him to respond.

  • Aaron King says:

    The concept of a married person having ANY friend (“opposite sex” or “same sex” either one), of which their spouse does not approve is an indication of that persons immaturity and selfishness more than it is their spouses. Our spouse is given to us by God to be a safeguard against sin. God uses our spouse to help us become more Christlike. And if we refuse to hear the voice of His spirit in us, our spouse is usually the first audible voice He will use to warn us of those snares with which Satan tries to entangle us. It may be possible for some to maintain a pure heart and mind through friendships with the “opposite sex,” but I would submit this to be the exception and not the rule. God made us to be sexual by nature (a good thing), but this very nature is, for most, the primary area where we, as humans, are tempted. 1 Cor 10:13 You are tempted in the same way that everyone else is tempted. But God can be trusted not to let you be tempted too much, and he will show you how to escape from your temptations (Contemporary English Version).
    I believe a wise person who’s desire is to be ever more Christlike will work harder toward the goal of distancing him or herself from “opposite sex” friendships, rather than spending the time and energy in finding ways to justify and maintain those friendships, as by our very nature they give increased opportunity for our enemy to do us more harm than good.

    • Denise Zanutto says:

      I wholeheartedly agree with Aaron. I was married 36 years, and knew my husband for 37. He passed a month ago. He was my BEST friend. I was HIS. We both had many friendships. All the same sex. We have no idea how much time we have together on this earth. Believe me. When they pass, you want NO REGRETS!! Enjoy the wife/husband of your youth. Work on that relationship above all else. And make sure that Christ meets all of your needs and your spouse’s. Enjoy his provision of grace thru your mate. You’ll have no need for any other opposite sex relationship. ENJOY that special, one of a kind sacred relationship with your spouse. I wish i had more days to enjoy mine.

    • Laura says:

      Thank you Aaron! Immaturity and selfishness is right. My pastor pointed out to me that it did nothing to promote a healthy marriage and was a total lack of empathy on his part. I am still trying to wrap my head around it.

      • Laura says:

        OH, and please consider deleting your ex on Facebook. It shows everyone that you still care and is completely humiliating to your spouse.

    • Angela says:


  • Jack says:

    Wow. This article and the replies are a huge encouragement. My finance has male business associates and friends which I don’t have any issue with at all. I think over time they will be my friends as well. My angst was over her former fiance with whom she was still very close and wanted to continue the friendship. As hard as I tried and seeking to have the Gospel produce a fruit in my life through these circumstance, I could not get past her need for this relationship. I came to the conclusion that even though I believed she would always be faithful I felt like she was playing with fire, especially since I don’t know the guy. I was not able to emotionally move past it. I suggested we get counseling so that I could understand her need and understand my reaction. As it turns out, after praying and reflecting she came to the conclusion that she needed to give up the relationship. I think our deepening love for each other and mutual commitment to a strong marriage were decisive. It still hurts but we’ve talked through it and I believe we are stronger for the experience. Talking openly with trust based in mutual love is essential.

  • Kevin McCarthy says:

    How do you and your spouse navigate opposite-sex friendships in relation to your marriage? We follow Dr. Harley’s Policy of Joint Agreement: never buy anything (over a certain pre-agreed amount), do anything, go anywhere, or befriend anyone without your spouse’s enthusiastic agreement. If my spouse won’t sign-off on something without a smile on her face, it’s a no-go. Joint Agreement requires Radical Honesty: be completely transparent about your past, present, feelings, and future plans. These policies (www.marriagebuilders.com) force you to consider your spouse’s feelings in all of your plans, and protect you from becoming a consistent source of your spouse’s unhappiness. We have opposite gender friends, but none that our spouse isn’t completely comfortable with, and aware of our interactions with. Another rule: no opposite gender Recreational companions… that’s a recipe for infidelity.

    • Mrs. C says:

      I think respecting the feelings of a partner is so important. I do not think my husband always does this. He just get offended and feels like I don’t trust him. It’s so hard.

      • Gina says:

        My husband too. Or soon to be ex. After 6 years, during which he not only me lots of reasons not to trust him like lying and being impulsive, he also blamed me for not trusting and wanting boundaries. He said it was too stressful for him. We are getting divorced now.
        I’m sorry you feel that way, it is so hard. You are justified in your feelings! As am I!

      • Beth says:

        This is so my husband

  • Kay says:

    These responses are so glib ! These days there are so many emotional affairs it’s a crutch ….The person of the opposite sex can always be on they’re never in a situation where they’re stressed between the two of you, there’s never fights between the two of you, there’s no real world it’s all a fantasy and some men and some women cannot handle the situations at all ,wake up. I believed my husband and both times , when he said they were just friends, it got me into a situation where I thought it was all my fault and it wasn’t it was totally his because he has this in fullfilled need for approval on women.

    • Jack says:

      Kay, why are they glib? Speaking for myself, it was anything but glib, more like heart-wretching. If you saying that opposite-sex friendships are dangerous then I could not agree more.

    • Paul says:

      Kay, my question as a husband would be, have you considered why your husband has an “unfulfilled” need for approval from women. A husband has a deep need for respect and honor from his wife. A man without that is an easy target for other women

  • Dee Bowdoin says:

    I’m in my 60’s and am a Christian Counselor. I NEVER encourage opposite sex friendships. I’ve seen too much! Maybe there are some exceptions to the norm as someone else made comment above, but I’ve never seen one. The Billy Graham model is a great one to follow.
    This was also followed by my parents and in-laws who had great marriages until they “Moved to Heaven”. My husband and I now married well over 40 years also have followed the “Billy Graham” model without any of us ever hearing of it. It should be “common sense” not to play with fire as so many writers above have mentioned. I reference Billy Graham’s rule so you can google it to read more about it. Marriage is all about being “One Flesh” and putting each other above “self”. Jesus is our ultimate role model. He is the Bridegroom, and we the “Church” are His Bride. Jesus ministers to the Lost, but does not choose friendship with the world and world systems in preference to His Bride. He is Faithful and True. Why would we ever want our spouse to feel uncomfortable and place ourselves in a situation that can be so dangerous. You’ve all heard the phrase before, “Don’t stand on a train track and not expect to be hit as some point”! Please at all costs, put Our Father, Our Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit first in your life, your spouse second and children third. Satan is devouring marriages and families. Please, let it stop with you, and watch a Godly Heritage develop in your Family Line. With Much Love for Him and His Church… D.

  • Ricardo Holmes says:

    My spouse has begun to be engaged in what she details as a business in which I know very little about. She has to meet with male clients and assures me that she is never by herself. If this is the case then why can’t I go along when she goes out of town on some weekends. I am pretty grounded but her lack of disclosure creates a degree of distrust. I have confronted her about this a made some head way but feel she still is not completely honest. Married 26 years and don’t feel we should be dealing with this stuff at this junction.

  • TimR says:

    In my pre-marital counseling (I use SYMBIS), I frequently tell people they cannot have close opposite-gender friends. If they are not the ‘couple’s friends’ and you spend any amount time texting, calling, or having 1:1 meetings/lunches/dinners together, it is a disaster waiting to happen and the Enemy knows it. As someone mentioned above, it may not be you – but you can’t always control the thoughts/feelings of your opposite-gender “friend.” It is also extremely easy to develop an emotional attachment to the opposite-gender friend; emotional affairs are about as damaging as a physical/sexual affair. In my humble opinion – there is no way to justify an exclusive opposite-gender friendship (especially when you are meeting and/or communicating 1:1 with them on a regular ongoing basis). This is different from talking to opposite-gender friends when you guys are out in public – that’s not what I’m talking about; and it’s not the same as having professional relationships with co-workers. But, as mentioned in the post, a huge amount of extramarital affairs begin in the workplace. The best bet? Don’t do it – focus on your marriage and what you be constantly doing to honor your spouse and to develop a God-honoring marriage…. opposite-gender friendships simply don’t fit with either of those.

    • Mrs. C says:

      100% this. Especially considering I met my husband at work I know how easy it is for it to turn into more. We were both single so it was 100% ok. But it is far to easy for it to start as something innocent. Taking a break together etc. I don’t even always think the parties involved realize what’s going on until there is an attachment. I think it is better to steer clear. I know I need to talk with my husband about his current friendship at work with a mutual friend that at this point is innocent. I’m scared and I know it wont be well received 🙁

  • JL says:

    there is someone i am close to who continued to have close relationships with opposite sex after marriage. This led to my friend deciding she was poly-amorous. This in turn led to bringing other men into the marriage and has created a MESS.
    It’s better to focus on one’s spouse and create relationships with same sex people who help support your marriage.

  • Steve P says:

    “I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of house of bondage; you shall have no other gods before me; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; you shall not make for you self any carved image in the likeness of anything above, below or on the earth. For I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the father on the 3rd or 4th generation of those who hate me but showing mercy to thousands who love me and keep my commandments” When a couple marries, they make a covenant before God to forsake ALL others (of the same gender) to commit their whole heart to their spouse. Israel got into trouble over and over again when they strayed from God to follow after the gods of the pagans around them. When they began to “flirt” with false gods, their intimacy with God was greatly compromised, and there were grave consequences. Brothers and sisters, lean into giving your whole heart over to your spouse and keep making that a priority. Don’t try to justify those little “harmless” flirtations; in the end they will lead you down the path to destruction (read the first 5 chapters of Proverbs).


  • Maria R Edwards says:

    My husband would always have these female friends that he would talk to and meet up with and also on Facebook and to him there is nothing wrong with it. I tried to tell him if you knew these friends before me and introduced them to me then its ok to still be old friends, but when you keep your female friends a secret then its a problem. I never kept in touch with my male friends. So for 2 years we had marriage problems. Now he stop the contact with those friends (as far as i know) and our marriage is getting stronger. Well last year one of my ex contacted me on Facebook and we started texting and calling each other just as friends because he respects my marriage i told my husband he wanted to get together for lunch so they can reminisce of the base they were both stationed in. But my husband refused. So i feel my husband understands now how i was feeling when he had his female friends.

  • Anthony says:

    this is all great but what if you’re fighting all the time because your spouse doesn’t listen to you or she ignores you. nothing but issues and is accusing you of things you are not doing at all. walking on eggshells. she has mentioned divorced multiple times and threatened me. she has now been taken for domestic violence against me. so now what? stay with her? don’t talk to opposite sex friends for help? thanks

  • We have to prove that it is a problem with just opposite sex friends so we have to search up other friendships to show its a problem with j

  • Mr. A says:

    In my own opinion, having a opposite sex friend is just fine, but there should be a clear boundary line between that “Friend” and your spouse.

    My wife has this friend of her who is feeling close to my wife, and I have observed the person and I saw some actions that for me, on my own opinion is a red flag. This includes putting his hands behind the back of my wife, putting his hands on his shoulder when they take a group picture, and mostly I got furious is when he again put his hands to my wife’s shoulder where I am physically present and suddenly he removed it coz I see his actions. I really wanted to hit him that moment, but still I controlled my emotions.

    This actions should not be done especially when you know that the person is already married, there should be RESPECT within the boundaries of friendship.

    Me and my wife talked to each one and I have said to her that if, this Friend of her will again do said actions, I will confront him in that moment in a calm manner so that he will know his boundaries are.
    By doing this, is it just fine to do it? though we are co-workers?

    Any suggestion or advise is highly appreciated.

  • Chris says:

    I am getting uneasy. Me and my wife just got married on march 23rd and I have known she had had lots of male friends in her past. I was OK with it, as it never interfered with our dating nor did she spend prolonged amounts of time alone with any of them.

    However, a coworker has become really close with her as of about a month ago and they regularly go out to grab lunch, they go on walks often at work during break, etc. This has always stayed in 2-4 hour increments and I have always respected and trusted her in this regard. But as of late, once a week or so she will go out with just him for hours on end, full blown date seeming interactions, just now literally as i type this, she went hiking, dinner and movie with the guy. I want to confront her and let her know how I feel, but I am fairly certain she will instantly be defensive and claim I am paranoid.

    How do i let her know I feel that boundaries are being crossed? In most other eyes, is this not a red flag? I read constantly about marriage building articles, and this was a major flag is when a friend spends more regular time with your spouse that it leads to emotional attachment via sharing about personal lives, etc.

    I already fear for my marriage. I am currently always available for her, currently looking for work. Therefore she has plenty of ability to spend time, talk and connect. Just the other day she turned my idea down to see a movie, yet she is literally going out to a movie with this friend now… I truly have never been an insecure or jealous person, but this just makes me feel uneasy…

  • Sue says:

    As a girl who loves sports, I could easily spend a lot of time with guys talking about and watching sports. If I did this, I would be taking time away from getting other things done so I could ultimately spend quality time with the one person I chose to devote my life to – my husband. Our intimate partners need our time, attention and affection. They deserve to have ALL of use because they are devoting themselves to us as well. Choosing to give attention of any kind to another man outside of the family can lead to temptation when times aren’t so rosy with our spouse. Having other men to run to takes away opportunities for your spouse to grow and learn to be there for you in new situations. Who is there to listen to me run on about boring stuff, run to the store when I need something, take care of me when I’m sick, support me and my family, emotionally financially, etc…
    Believe it or not, we get something when we interact with someone of the opposite sex whether we want to admit it or not – and they get something from us! I’ve spent more time cultivating my friendships with females, which has made my partner my ‘go to’ which he deserves!!! It’s easy and fun to have friends of the opposite sex, especially if your attractive or fun to be around, but it’s also self indulgent. Just my opinion.

  • Mrs. C says:

    This post was very triggering for me. My husband and I have been together 18 years. I was only 17 when we met and we worked together. It started as innocent flirting and slowly built into a relationship. This is probably why I feel uneasy about opposite sex relationships in work. It is so easy for them to start as friendships and slowly move into more sometimes before the people involved even realize it.

    Recently I’ve been feeling uneasy about a friend of mine who works with my husband. He doesn’t have a great history with establishing boundaries. He has never cheated but he has been there for people emotionally. The friend of ours he works with is going through a divorce. She has been upset and he recently told me they have been going on daily smoke breaks together. It’s bugging me but I also know he will get defensive when I decide to say something. My anxiety is up so high. I know I need to talk to him but I don’t want to fight. I just hate this.

  • kim says:

    Is everyone here saying that having opposite sex friends not appropriate when in an exclusive relationship? I am not married but my boyfriend and I have been going out/living together for almost 3 years now and I have a few male friends (and a couple of male cousins) that I have always been close with. My boyfriend is always saying that I’m emotionally cheating on him because one of my guy friends and I text back and forth a lot and im comfortable sharing things about my relationship as well as talk about anything with this person. I know that they will not give me a sugar coated answer and will be extremely honest with me even if I do not want to hear what they have to say.
    My boyfriend is everything to me and would break me in half to have him leave me over this, but I dont know what I should do…

  • Tim says:

    Close friendships with those of the opposite sex is not necessary inappropriate, yet it could easily open up your relationship to a world of hurt. This is because
    1. frequent conversations are like cords of a rope–each one making the connection stronger and more intimate which should be with our significant other. opposite sex friendship tend to break to cords/commitment.
    2. longing for more interactions is evidence of your desire to know a person more, and this is dangerous territory when such longing is for opposite sex partners when one is married or in a relationship.
    3. As a man and woman, it is only natural for this connection to continue to progress to a physical, sexual relationship over time, unless you are intentional about putting boundaries in place and creating distance between you and your friend.
    4. The excitement and allure of being with opposite sex friends is intoxicating and is harder to let go the longer it carries on.

    When an opposite-sex friend meets the most important emotional needs of affection  (expressions of care and concern), intimate conversation (conversation about personal problems being faced, and topics of personal recreation (spending time together enjoying common recreational activities), honesty and openness (revealing personal feelings, past history, present activities, and plans for the future), physical attraction or admiration  (expressions of respect, value, and appreciation), romantic love is almost sure to follow. Don’t take unnecessary chances.
    Any friend of the opposite sex that meets your need for affection (expressions of care and concern), intimate conversation (conversation about personal problems being faced, and topics of personal interest), recreational companionship (spending time together enjoying common recreational activities), honesty and openness (revealing personal feelings, past history, present activities, and plans for the future), physical attractiveness, or admiration (expressions of respect, value, and appreciation) especially when your friend does a better job meeting your needs has a big potential to wreck your relationship.

    Any relationship outside that of your marriage, or that with your significant other should have clearly defined BOUNDARIES and accepted by your significant other.

    Sue’s post up there is pure gold. Maybe you wanna re-read it.

    Sit with your boyfriend. Listen to his concerns and address it as needed.

    Hope things work out for you

  • Jane M says:

    My husband of 22 years decided to go on a dating site to find a friend of the opposite sex because he said he is not happy with his social lfe. 10 years ago, we moved out of his country and settled for good to my country – his idea.

    He said, he is happy with his married life but wants to have a friend since I, his wife, is the only friend he has. So, he spent an effort putting up his profile on a dating site and honestly stated he is married. In a wink of an eye, a single gal, 30 years younger responded and now they had been chatting everyday for the past 2 months (until now) but they haven’t met yet. I had very strong objection about it and had anxiety attacks over it. My moral conscience totally disagrees about this action. I can never do such a thing to my husband. For me, it is inapproriate for a married person to be looking for a friend on a dating site even if it is purely for friendship purposes. About a month of their online chatting, I told my husband that I will be gone for awhile because I can’t handle being in the same room, same couch while he chats and I had a very bad anxiety attack about it.

    He decided to stop the online friendship because according to him, I am the priority. However, immediately after that, he was miserable and depressed for days. When asked, he said he misses chatting with his friend. After about a week of seeing him depressed, I couldn’t handle him being that way and he even mentioned that he had suicidal thoughts over losing his “chat friend”. Because of this, I decided to accept his ways after asking a mentor for spiritual guidance. Immediately after I told him that I will accept his online chatting, he contactd back his chat friend and since then back with their daily chats. So, it is a daily chat – first thing in the morning, last thing at night and anytime during the day.

    I lean on to God’s guidance everyday to carry me through each day, became prayerful and focus on my journey towards getting close to God while facing this battle in my life. Also, surrender this situation to God. Me and my husband had totally different views on this matter. I decided to carry the burden.

    I don’t know where this daily chats will lead them. Apparently, my husband’s chat friend lives within the same province where we live.

    For me… In God I trust.

    I still think it is wrong for my husband to go to a dating site to find a friend of the opposite sex and behave like a teenager.

  • Skarelis says:

    My husband (not legally) have moved to another state after infidelity hurt our relationship. We decided to leave the subtle reminders and people and start fresh. I found a job and he stays at home with kids. For one year it was just us then he met a neighbor through our child at the school bus. He befriended both him and wife along with other couples. He told me he needed the adult interactions and it was also an outlet from me. We had deactivated our social media because it was one of the temptations that lead to the infidelity. After a few interactions he reactivated it without my knowledge and friended everyone to include the wives. I told him I had a problem with that and trust issues. We argued and he deleted her. I approach the couples to talk to them because I can understand the need for adult interactions and explained (without needing to) why I had asked him to delete the wives and everyone seemed to understand. Few days later he friends one of the wives again along with other people (which I didn’t know). The wife also posted pictures of them hanging out (without me) stating family game night on the main caption. Then she changed her profile picture to include her, her husband, another couple and my husband with the caption Family. Which he liked. That’s how I realized they were friends again. He told me he deactivated Facebook but all he did was delete the app and kept messenger app. Again we had an argument over this. I explained I wasn’t comfortable with them being friends on social media or having eachothers numbers. I also stated I’m fine with him having just the husbands information and if he goes out with the husbands and they were there that I was fine with that too. I Just didn’t understand individually communicating with any woman that doesn’t talk to me. He won’t budge and I’m afraid that this will end us because he feels I should trust him fully but I said I need more time and this doesn’t help. These people don’t know him, don’t know me not our family but yet he’s fighting to keep them and says I’m trying to control him. IDK what to do anymore. I can’t be any clearer and I REALLY want to approach this wife and see what’s her agenda because this is about to break up our home. Some unbias advise would be appreciated at this point.

  • White Angel says:

    Being in a committed relationship is not easy, we have to accept the other person on WHO and WHAT they really are…

    This includes all their flaws in life, all their weakness, strengths, and goals.

    We need to understand that Loving a certain person for our life is a continuous thing, When we love, we accept them as a whole individual. Knowing they will also love us as what and who we are.

    Here in this world, there is no perfect relationship, and all will have misunderstanding/s all the way. Remember that. No matter how sweet or lovable your loved one is you will always end up in a fight or misunderstanding.

    Misunderstanding/s are common, why? because it is where we can really understand and accept the person we love. This will keep us close to each one, unless you or your partner is withdrawing in your relationship.

    The key in maintaining a relationship is these words: GIVE and TAKE


    To the point that you love the person;
    You care for that person;
    You want to grow old with him/her
    You want to have a whole family;


    If you know that you are wrong, ACCEPT IT. BE MATURE ENOUGH
    Don’t get selfish just because you wanted something or a change in attitude
    Respect is a mutual thing between you and your loved one

    ** Is very vital in every relationship.

    Hope it helps.

  • Pearl says:

    I and my husband just got married…
    I don’t have a problem with the friends he keeps whether male or female because i trust him but there’s this particular lady he hid from me from the beginning when we started dating and because of that I made him understand that i have complete trust issues with him and this girl…
    It’s not a thing attributed to jealousy..
    It’s simply the way he handled it which led to the lack of trust and insecurity around this person…
    Ever since he noticed this, he didn’t cut off all ties with this lady rather he started hiding their relationship from me…

    It was really painful to find out…
    He would delete their chats and only call her when he’s at work or when I’m not there…

    Just recently, while I was with my husband’s phone trying to get myself I saw that he opened Facebook (my husband is not really a Facebook person).. I didn’t bother clicking on it because all I could see was that he was viewing her page/Facebook stories…

    By the time he woke up, he had removed it…Why it hurts is because, I don’t trust him on this and there’s nothing he’ll tell me now that would make me believe him

  • Destiny says:

    if you wont trust your partner around other people why even be in a relationship lmao, what the ones who are bi gon do? have no friends smh💀Me and my guy best friend been friends since middle school, my boyfriend and him will have to become homeboys or imma just leave him, I wont cut off someone I literally grew up with.

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