In healthy marriages, there’s one important thing that spouses consistently seek. This perspective positively impacts the tone of every interaction in their relationship. When a couple pursues this in their marriage, it can make a tremendous difference in their dynamic over the years.
So what are these healthy couples doing to help keep their marriages happy and harmonious? They’re consistently looking for the good in one another.
Look for the Good in One Another
Couples who want to develop a healthier, more positive relationship put effort into seeking one another’s good qualities. Looking for the best qualities in your spouse will ultimately lead to greater satisfaction and harmony in every area of your relationship. Not only can looking for the good prevent unnecessary turmoil in your marriage, it can also help you both to assume and expect the best rather than the worst.
The beautiful thing about looking for the good in your spouse is that the more good you seek, the more good you will find. Good compounds. That means as you invest more time and effort into identifying your spouse’s good qualities, you’ll notice more and more over time.
Unhealthy couples only see the “dirt” on one another. Their focus lies on whatever blemishes, warts, and flaws they can find. As a result, their interactions are tainted by all the messy and negative things they see first.
Looking for the good doesn’t mean ignoring problems or failing to call out issues that should be corrected. But it does give you both the positive perspective you need to approach problems in a constructive way. When you see the good in each other first, it helps you to stay focused on those positive qualities while you work through challenges.
Avoid Jumping to Negative Conclusions
Many of us tend to jump to negative conclusions about our spouse’s intentions, particularly when we’ve been embroiled in turmoil. Looking for the good means that you need to shed the tendency to assume the worst when they’ve done something that feels hurtful or upsetting to you. Take a moment to consider what their best intentions might have been, and try to see the situation from that perspective before you make any assumptions.
When we look for the good in one another, we’re more likely to avoid assuming things that add hurt to our relationship. Jumping to conclusions puts us in a position to add insult to injury, so slow down and prioritize positivity.
Remember: Red Flags Demand Attention
Looking for the good in one another does not mean glossing over destructive behavior and abusive dynamics in your marriage. If you’re experiencing abuse on any level, you need to get help and get to safety. In cases of unhealthy, abusive relationship dynamics, not only is it necessary to predict future behavior based on past patterns–it could also save your life.
Healthy Marriages Create Happiness
Seeking out each other’s positive attributes over negativity can help you and your spouse create a truly happy marriage. If you’re looking for more tips to build a happier marriage, check out our book, Making Happy. It includes a robust 21-day happiness plan to help kick-start you and your spouse toward a more joyful relationship. Get your copy here.
If you’re in a healthy marriage, how do you and your spouse stay focused on finding the good in one another? Leave us a comment and share your story.
This is so rich and practical. Thank you!
Great reminders, at least two of which I have failed misrely at recently … thanks.
Thank you for this article and for adding the comments regarding abuse. The simple things we can do to cultivate a healthy happy marriage are so important.