Has your spouse been distant from you lately? Wondering how to reconnect and reignite the spark? It’s normal to experience seasons of disconnection in marriage. But it’s also important to intentionally reconnect when you notice the drift.
For some individuals, great conversations are the key to intimacy. For others, it’s more about physical connection. Let’s look at a few ways you can reignite the spark in your relationship in each scenario.
If You’re Looking For Deeper Conversations…
If good conversation fills your soul, it’s disconcerting when your spouse is distant. You might feel panicked; you want these conversations, and maybe you used to have them often. But leading with panic could push your spouse away rather than bringing them closer.
Sometimes, engaging in a shared experience or activity can spark conversation naturally. Doing something together that you both enjoy can help your guarded spouse open up and be more willing to talk. When you share activities, you show your spouse that you’re in this together.
It won’t help to approach your spouse with something like, “Honey, we need more intimacy.” But taking a walk together, going to see a movie, or having dinner together could open the floor for a more natural exchange. Sharing activities, and simply being in each other’s presence, can help your spouse feel closer to you.
Eventually, spending time together becomes the backdrop for great conversations that happen more spontaneously. You feel more relaxed and connected because you’ve shared an experience. This takes the pressure off your spouse to connect in a way that may not feel authentic when you ask for it.
If you’re not sure what kinds of activities to start with, try joining them in an activity they enjoy. Maybe it’s golf, hiking, or biking. Doing something your spouse loves builds you into their life in a natural way, and even if it feels boring to you, it’s a way to join your spirits.
If You Want More Physical Connection…
Let’s say you want more physical intimacy. This could look like non-sexual physical touch, like holding hands, hugging more, or cuddling. It could also look like more time in the bedroom.
If it’s challenging to get your partner engaged, consider how they most prefer to connect. Then, intentionally offer them more of this kind of connection. They may want to have deeper conversations with you, or spend more time together in shared activities. Maybe they want to feel a connection on other levels beyond physical intimacy first.
It’s okay to gently express what you’d like. But be open to asking your spouse what they need from you, too. Maybe they’re overworked, exhausted, or overwhelmed by life’s demands. If you have small children or if you’re caring for aging parents, those demands can make physical intimacy more challenging. Listen to what your spouse tells you and be willing to help lighten their load.
We tend to grow distant when we’ve overextended ourselves and have little time to nurture one another. If you’re ready to build more precious time together into your day, take a look at our book, Your Time-Starved Marriage. It’s a roadmap to taking back more of your time and deepening your relationship in the process. Take a look and order your copy here.
Have you ever grown apart for a season? What did you do to reconnect with your spouse? Leave us a comment below and let’s talk about it.
