My Spouse Feels Like My Roommate! What Now?

My Spouse Feels Like My Roommate! What Now?

Does your spouse feel more like a roommate these days?

Maybe you’ve hit a rough patch in your marriage, or perhaps you’re empty nesters. Either way, life together feels much quieter–and less intimate–than it was before. If you’re wondering what happened to the passion you used to enjoy, keep reading.

First of all, know that the distance you feel right now doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship. There’s hope for bringing the spark back to your marriage! With a little bit of work and intention, this quiet season could become a new beginning for you and your spouse.

Cooling Periods Are Common

First, know you’re not alone. It’s important to understand that most married couples experience times when they feel distant. This emotional distance often becomes physical distance, and both contribute to a lack of intimacy.

The most common times for married couples to drift apart are seven years after marriage, and again after their children move out. This is especially true when the couple has poured all their energy into raising their kids. Once the nest is empty, it’s common to feel like the marriage itself has gone by the wayside. Luckily, it’s possible to regain the intimacy you’ve lost–and you might even find that on the other side of this divide, your marriage is stronger than ever.

See One Another Through New Eyes

Remember that today, your spouse isn’t the same person you married. People evolve throughout life. Over the years, you and your spouse have both changed, so it’s time to get in touch with who you both are today.

What kinds of conversations would you be having if you were just starting a dating relationship? Get curious about one another as if you’re getting acquainted for the first time. Ask open-ended questions and seek to learn more about your spouse.

Share Your Dreams for the Future

What are your dreams for the future? What are your spouse’s? Don’t assume you already know; ask!

Sharing your dreams could reignite a sense of excitement and give you both something to work toward together. Whether you share the same dreams or have separate individual goals, you can cheer each other on. Maybe there are adventures you want to go on together, or experiences you’d like to share. Get clear on your dreams, and start finding ways to work toward them as a couple.

Quick Tips for Rebuilding Your Connection

Getting back to the intimate marriage you desire is a matter of connection. When you reestablish this, you can start to heal the distance you’ve been feeling. While there are countless ways to reconnect, here are a few quick ideas to get you started.

If You Don’t Have Children…
Whether you’re early on in your marriage or have chosen not to have children, you and your spouse are in a unique position to refocus solely on each other. You can do this at any time in your marriage. Set aside intentional time to fully connect and get to know one another all over again. Aim to start sooner rather than later, and your efforts could pay dividends.

If You’re Still Raising Kids…
Look to your “village” for support. This is a critical time to heal your relationship and get your marriage back on track. If you have trusted friends or family who can help you make more time for one another, such as regular date nights or seeing a marriage counselor, lean into those resources. Getting outside help in more ways than one could help you rebuild the intimacy you’re missing.

If Your Nest is Empty…
Did you know that most couples are happier and more satisfied during the second half of their marriage? Even if you’re feeling unhappy right now, it’s possible to turn things around and rebuild the connection you and your spouse lost over the years. Stay focused on the gift of time, because you now have more of it to give to each other.

Try a Relationship Assessment

As you’re reconnecting with your spouse, it might feel overwhelming to know what to ask for or where to start. A relationship assessment can help break the ice and give you plenty to talk about! Try the Better Love assessment, which generates a personalized report that reveals your:

  • Love languages
  • Fight, money, and talk styles
  • Intimacy
  • Personalities

It’s easier than you think to gain valuable insights into your spouse and begin the process of rebuilding intimacy in your marriage. Get started with Better Love here.

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse were just roommates? How did you address the issue? Leave us a comment and let us know!

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