How to Know Your Marriage is in Trouble

By August 12, 2016February 23rd, 2018Communication, Conflict, Self Reflection

What are some basic signs that your marriage is in trouble?

There’s no exhaustive or magic list that details all the different danger signs for your marriage, but if there’s something in your relationship that’s raising a red flag, now is the time to look closely at it.

In today’s video, we’re discussing some different signs that your marriage may be in danger, and what to do.

One thing you can do to gauge where your relationship is would be to ask yourself, on a scale from 1 to 10, how satisfied you are with your current marriage relationship. For every marriage–even healthy ones–there will be a time when one or both of you feels unsatisfied. Circumstances in or around your family, health issues, stress, etc. could contribute to this, but most of the time, how you rate your marriage is a fairly good predictor of whether it’s in trouble.

Another question you can ask yourself is, “How important and central is this marriage to me?” If you don’t answer positively (in other words, if other activities and priorities take precedence over your marriage), that could be another sign.

You may evaluate your situation and realize your needs aren’t getting met. Be careful, though, because this can be a fluid and tricky answer, even in strong marriages. You’ll both have seasons where you feel like at least some of your needs aren’t being met by your spouse. Your job is to discern whether your relationship is in the danger zone, based on your answers.

Unmet needs also aren’t always the fault of your spouse, and it’s your job to determine that, as well. You may have neglected to articulate those needs to him/her, or perhaps you’re expecting your spouse to read your mind or preempt your asking for what you need or want. Again, this is where you’ll have to take a careful look at your unique situation.

One major warning sign of a marriage in trouble is if you’re regularly getting into out-of-control conflict with one another. High conflict relationships can easily move into the red zone. If your marriage is there already, that doesn’t mean it can’t be turned around. But it does mean it’s time to take action.

Get the conversation out in the open. Ask your spouse, “What’s going on?” Carefully communicate your feelings (“Honey, I’m feeling pretty miserable lately. Is that how you’re feeling, too?”) and put it all on the table. Sometimes all it takes to get on the road to a happier marriage is to start that conversation.

Together, you and your spouse should invest in your relationship. We recommend reading Christian marriage books (like our book, I Love You More), attending marriage seminars in your community, and finding a good counselor or mentor couple. You’ll need a strong, objective voice as you explore the issues you’re dealing with.

Has your marriage been to the danger zone and back? How did you overcome the hard times? We’d love to hear your story in the comments section.



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