Intense Marriage, Intense Kids: How to Cope

Children are always a blessing. But children bring a tremendous change to your home and your relationship as you previously knew it. And if your kids have intense, spirited, strong personalities, the changes to your world are even more pronounced! If one of your personalities is also intense (or both!), this makes life all the more interesting.

Today, we’re sharing a few tips on how to cope with intensity in your home.

  1. Actively manage your stress levels.

We cannot emphasize enough how important it is to keep your stress levels as low as possible. Intensity in your marriage or family could increase any life or work stress that is already present, creating a pile-on effect…in other words, not the best recipe for a peaceful home.

Start by working with your spouse to identify ways the two of you can reduce your own stress load. This might involve cutting back on activities, hiring some extra help around the house, or saying “no” more often to obligations that make you feel overloaded. Then, consider whether your kids need additional help in this area.

If Mom and Dad can keep their stress and intensity dialed down, this will have a positive impact on the kids. Win-win!

  1. Inject humor and fun into everyday life.

Laughter is definitely the best medicine, and it soothes all manner of ills. Take time with your spouse to have fun, and laugh on purpose. Be silly with each other and with your kids, and make life as happy and lighthearted as possible. Focusing on negativity and anxiety will only serve to amplify the intensity you’re attempting to calm.

Use humor to diffuse intense situations and emotions, particularly when your kids are having a meltdown or a hard day. When it comes to dealing with hard adult issues, agree with your spouse to try to keep things as light as you can.

Sometimes the only way to keep from crying is to find something to laugh about. If you’re feeling the pressure of an intense marriage or parenting kids with intense personalities, this is definitely true.

  1. Remember that this is only for a season.

It’s all about perspective. Remember, your kids won’t be little for very long, and before you know it, you and your spouse will be empty-nesters. That may not be easy to picture now, but time passes by more quickly than most of us realize.

Take the time and effort to help your kids learn to manage their intense feelings throughout their lives, and they’ll be able to manage them when they’re grown. Work to manage your own, and you’ll be better equipped to help your kids!

Intensity in your home might be overwhelming at times, but you have what it takes to cope and create a healthy, peaceful, thriving family life. Keep your stress as low as possible, remember to use humor, and keep in mind that this is just for a season; it won’t be like this for long!

Do you have intense kids (or an intense marriage–or both)? How do YOU cope? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section!





  • Jennifer says:

    Oh my word. This is SO my family. My husband and daughter are both super intense and I’m the lonely peace maker (and craver!). I’d never heard this idea and it was just a huge relief to hear, it finally made sense! Thanks! I’d LOVE to hear more!!!

  • Amber says:

    I appreciate this post a lot. I have a 4 month old girl, a 5 year old and almost 3 year old; Both boys and both beat to their own drum. The intensity of life catches up so fast and before I know it I am screaming at my kids while on the edge of breaking down in tears. I needed this reminder to implement light heartedness more often and not to be so serious that I lose my cool all too easily. My kids are a beautiful blessing that I am so thankful for. I don’t want to miss out on this sweet season with them. I want to invest good everlasting gold nuggets into their futures. Thanks for sharing the tips!

  • Annette says:

    We have a 4 year old who is very strong willed which makes life interesting. She is very definite about her wants. We need some more humour in our lives. The pressures of work and general life build up,

  • Teresa says:

    I so need to hear this! I am the intense one, along with our 7 year old daughter, who is so strong willed it isn’t funny. Our 12 year old daughter is entering puberty and and beginning to be emotional, and sometimes smart mouthed. Our 9 year old daughter is our drama queen, princess, smart mouth, and more, all wrapped up in one package. They don’t listen to me when I talk, most of the time, and its extremely aggravating in the morning when I need to get out the door for work. They won’t get out of bed, won’t get dressed, won’t get their items ready to leave when I tell them. I have to yell, nag, pleed, argue, etc just to get out the door!?? . I need to learn to laugh but its not funny when I have to get them out the door on time and I’m always late because they don’t want to listen.

    • Tasha says:

      I would try to get as much done the night before as possible.

      Then in the morning, if you need to leave at 7:30, stick to it. Give them a warning and get yourself ready. I promise you, the first time you load them up for school wearing their pajamas with disheveled hair, they will realize the seriousness of the situation. No yelling required. The risk of ebarassment is high and no child will pay that price. ?
      As they attempt to get dressed in the backseat and cry bc they forgot their hairbrush, calmly repeat that we leave the house at 7:30 and you will no longer be late for work due to their irresponsibility.
      Problem should be solved in a matter of days. Stick to your guns.

      • Jenny Delesandro says:

        AWESOME advise here Tasha!!! Laying ground rules, and healthy boundaries will make them feel more secure in the end AND will reap great dividends in your home, especially when they all hit those teen years!!! I would add to pray daily for your kids before starting this ‘new” way of living, and also ask God for strength for yourself. Might want to take a weekend, maybe a Sunday night to give advance notice things are changing, after all, it’s only fair before we “change lanes” in life, to put the “turn signal” on giving them time to prepare. I learned that it “prevents” or at least lessons the tension and so comments like “well, we don’t usually, we didn’t know, YOU didn’t tell us” are as likely to come up, for long at least!! I will be praying for all of you, God’s Peace that only HE can bring!!. (my son is 36 now and we had to do A LOT of changing lanes as kids don’t come with a manual…..LOL…..however, when it isn’t working and they are bordering disrespect, it’s time for a change)

Leave a Reply