What can I do if my in-laws don’t accept me?
When someone withholds their blessing from you, that hurts. You feel rejected and “not good enough.” And when your in-laws are the people who have rejected you, the pain can feel almost unbearable.
In today’s video, we’re discussing how to respond when your in-laws have rejected you.
Not only is it hurtful to you that your spouse’s parents (or other relatives) have made it clear that they don’t approve of (or even like) you; it’s also devastating because it creates distance between your spouse and their family.
Everyone is human and fallible, and unfortunately, for whatever reason, your in-laws aren’t able to reach out to you. And when that happens, it’s hard to not feel like it’s somehow your fault. You might spin in circles and worry yourself silly, trying to figure out what you might have done wrong.
You can’t keep trying to change or perform in a way that gets your in-laws’ blessing. Instead, strive to separate yourself from them with a “this is me, that’s them” attitude; you have your own life to live, and your own family to create with your spouse.
Even though it hurts right now, go on without their blessing. You can find peace and contentment in your marriage despite their attitude. There’s no magic formula to win their approval, so don’t try to find it.
It’s okay if you want to keep space in your life open for your in-laws. Be willing to include them if they want to be included. But don’t live in such a way that you’re actively trying to get them involved. Exude a sense of space, openness, and hospitality, but don’t focus, strive, or waste your time on something that probably isn’t going to happen.
Finally, grieve the loss of that relationship and move on. They may not be your blood relatives, but you probably expected to have, at the very least, an amicable relationship with your in-laws. Grieving is essential to moving on with your life.
Over time, it’s possible that things may change. Sometimes, in-laws come around when grandchildren are born. Other times, hearts soften with age. Unpredictable moments in life can be milestones.
Most importantly, remember that this problem is more about them than it is about you. Stay focused on your own marriage, and you can find happiness and lifelong love together.
Have you dealt with rejection by your in-laws? Was the issue ever resolved, or did you and your spouse learn to live without their blessing? Share your story below.