I Only Want to Spend Time With My Spouse. Is That Okay?

Is it wrong to want to spend all your time with your spouse?

Maybe your spouse has lots of friends and enjoys spending time at social gatherings. In contrast, you’d rather stay home, just the two of you, and spend time together. Is that too much to ask? You’re content without a large social circle, and you wish your spouse felt the same way. How can you navigate this major personality difference?

What Recharges Your Inner Battery?

When it comes to our social needs, a lot of people are hardwired to be surrounded by people. They need to spend time interacting. These are the extroverts in our lives, and maybe your spouse is one of them.

On the other hand, introverts are wired to need more time apart. They thrive in fewer, close relationships and recharge by spending time alone. That alone time is where they find their energy. Does that sound familiar?

Are you and your spouse opposites when it comes to energy? What recharges your inner “battery” has little to do with how much you value or care about people. It doesn’t diminish their importance. But it does mean you need to manage your energy level and the activities you choose to engage in.

It hurts when someone is critical or judgmental of the way we engage with the world. In the same way, you want to empathize with your spouse’s social needs rather than judging them. That’s why it’s so important for you and your spouse to talk about where you feel most energized and engaged, and what you need to recharge when you feel depleted. Then, you can help each other get your needs met, rather than continuing to clash.

It’s Important to Make Intentional Social Connections

As an introvert, it might be easy for you to imagine a blissful life of isolation and endless one-on-one time with your spouse. The thing is, even for introverted people, it’s crucial to make intentional social connections. You need community, and that doesn’t mean you have to connect with people all the time, or in ways that don’t fit your needs, style, or personality.

If both of you were introverts, you might be happy spending time together at home and maintaining a small social circle. But even if that were the case, you would still need social support—and you need to be present in others’ lives. If you’re planning to raise a family in the future, you’ll need that “village.”

Invest quality time and energy in meaningful friendships and family bonds as you build your village. You’ll appreciate the deep relationships that result from this investment. Even better, your spouse just might feel more at ease knowing you’re making those important connections. And if you need a guide to help you find and nurture deeper relationships, Leslie’s book, Soul Friends, just might be for you. Learn more and order your copy here.

Are you and your spouse social opposites? How do you work together to get your needs met and keep your batteries charged? Let’s talk about it in the comments.