One of the biggest misbeliefs of time is that you can “find” it. We talk about time as if it’s hidden in the rubble of our attic, or high up on a shelf waiting to be dusted off. Truth is, we will never find time, but we can certainly make it.
We can make time when we decide what matters to us most is a priority. Saying something is a priority and actually making it a priority are two very different things. You may say that your marriage comes first, but that doesn’t matter if you devote your time to something lower on your list.
Today, we want to share some tips on how to get your marriage back on course and to the top of your priority list; by making more time.
Do the Right Thing
Consider what’s right for your relationship. What are specific activities you enjoy doing together? Does your marriage suffer when you don’t make time to do these things? For us, it’s having date nights. But let’s face it, getting all the stars to align for the “right” thing can be tough.
Date nights can be complicated for couples; babysitters, budget, schedules. You may have lots of reasons to neglect what’s right for your relationship. The important thing to remember is it doesn’t have to be perfect. Even if that means getting out the door for only an hour or two. Focus on doing the right thing, then you can work on doing things right as time moves on.
Make a List
We all have to-do lists a mile long. Even if we have a clone, those to-do lists would rarely get done. We need to accept this fact, and prioritize things. The same goes for our marriage as well. Here’s a tip: make a to-do list for your marriage. What matters most today in the time you have with your spouse? Prioritize it.
Start with “If I do nothing else today for my marriage, I will….” Then complete it. Here are some ideas. If I do nothing else today for my marriage, I will take a walk with my spouse…make my partner a nice dinner…sit and have a productive conversation. You get the idea. Make your marriage a priority, and complete the item(s) you want to get done the most.
What to Leave Undone
If you want to make more time to spend together, then you have to decide what to leave undone. What eats up time during your day? Can you cut back on any activities? Perhaps cutting back on golf once a week, or saying no to the birthday party of an acquaintance. Make a list of time consuming activities that you can give up so you have more time for your marriage. Say no tactfully but firmly to the things that can rob you of your time together. Knowing what to leave undone might just be the best move you’ve ever made.
Margin in the Unexpected
When you are booked solid with activities, there’s no room for the unexpected. And if there’s one thing we can always expect, it’s the unexpected. Traffic jams, a misunderstanding, or a miscalculation of time, can be major culprits. Allow for extra time that will keep you from feeling frazzled. If you need to get up by 7:00, then get up by 6:30. If you need the babysitter to arrive by 5:30, schedule them for 5:00. These simple margins will help reduce the mayhem, and make more time for your marriage.
The key in a marriage is to make it a top priority, and this means making the time for it. Remember, what we say and what we do are two different things. Make your marriage the best you can by carving out the time it deserves.
Check out Your Time Starved Marriage to learn more.
Do you have any tips you can share on making time for a marriage? We’d love to hear what works for you!