Too Scared to Speak Up: How Do I Open Up to My Husband?

I’m so scared of speaking up. How do I open my feelings up to my husband?

Many times, we find ourselves hesitant to speak up about our feelings to our spouses. Because we value harmony in our marriages, we find it easy to withdraw inside ourselves to avoid even the thought of creating conflict.

In the spirit of making peace, we often misstep. When your spouse asks, “What’s wrong,” and you respond with, “Nothing,” you’re actually hurting your relationship. Sound familiar?

It’s better to be up-front and honest with your spouse, even if it’s a little scary–and even if it creates temporary conflict that the two of you must resolve. It’s frustrating to your spouse for you to sidestep problems that might be easily taken care of in the short term.

And avoiding conflict also inhibits your ability to create a genuine relationship. Conflict resolved in a healthy manner creates more closeness in a marriage. On the other hand, maintaining the illusion of a conflict-free marriage robs both of you of the ability to be authentic.

In today’s video, we discuss ideas that will help you open up to your spouse, rather than avoiding vulnerability.

So what can you do to help yourself begin being more genuine with your spouse?

If you’re overwhelmed by the idea of opening up, you could ask your spouse for some extra space and time (maybe half an hour or so) to reflect on your feelings.

Some people express themselves better in writing than they do verbally, so it might help you to organize your thoughts by putting them on paper. You could write about what you’re feeling and give that to your spouse, or you could simply write your feelings down in order to sort them out before approaching him or her for a conversation.

Your spouse will appreciate your honesty. It’s okay for you to say, “You know what? Sharing my feelings is really hard for me.” Then do it anyway. An honest, genuine answer is a gift to your spouse.

What do you think? Have you overcome communication barriers in your marriage? How did your relationship improve after you became more authentic? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section.


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