Help! My Marriage is Boring. What Do I Do?


Nobody expects to feel bored in their marriage, but sometimes it happens. And the problem is more common than you might think.

Boredom sneaks up on us. By the time we realize what’s going on, we’re feeling like we’ve lost the energy and the spark in our marriage. We find ourselves wondering when we stopped having fun together, and when we stopped looking forward to spending time with one another.

You might be feeling embarrassed to admit that you’re feeling bored. But if you start to pay attention to how you feel, then you can also work to find solutions. Feeling bored is a symptom, not a diagnosis, so let’s talk about some solutions to help you get unstuck and start feeling invigorated in your marriage again.

Take a New Look at Your Spouse

If you’re feeling bored in your marriage, you might have stopped seeing your spouse for who they truly are. You might be out of touch with how they’ve changed over the years. For instance, their skills, hobbies, and interests may have shifted without you realizing it.

On the other hand, one or both of you might have stopped investing in some of the things you did together in the past. Did you share activities that you no longer share? Did you spend time on something your spouse loved, which you no longer spend time on?

Think back on the things you and your spouse have let go by the wayside. Can you rekindle those? Do either of you have new interests you can use to forge a deeper connection?

Rather than resigning yourself to the idea that life is just boring after a certain point, consider leaning back into old interests or cultivating something new. Take interest in something your spouse treasures. Ask them about the things they love, and then listen. Try to look at them through fresh eyes.

Ask Your Spouse What Gives Them Life Now

Second, check in with your spouse and ask simple questions. What’s their favorite movie these days? Favorite book? Favorite hobby? You might be surprised to find that you no longer know exactly how to answer those questions yourself!

Use your spouse’s answers to create new conversations. If you missed the changes, ask for the stories behind them. Get tuned in and truly listen to each answer. The stories that come from these experiences just might be enough to cure your boredom on their own!

Create Something to Look Forward To

Now that you have a better understanding of your spouse now, create experiences you can look forward to together. Make plans to spend time on something that’s special to your spouse, and vice versa. Dive back into shared activities you used to enjoy as a couple.

It’s important to understand that if you’re bored, sometimes you have to create interesting moments, conversations, and experiences. This is a joint effort. Curing boredom isn’t something either of you should shoulder alone.

Check in with yourself occasionally. Ask, “Is it possible that I’m contributing to my own boredom?” Then, make adjustments. Start new conversations. Make new plans together.

Need something to talk about? Our book, Love Talk Starters, includes 275 conversation starters to get you talking, digging deep, and learning more about each other. It’s a great way to stop boredom in its tracks. Take a look and get your copy here.

Have you ever felt bored in your marriage? What did you do to shift the dynamic? Let us know in the comments.

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