Chores tend to be a frequent and hot source of arguments in relationships. Why? Because chores are there – day in and day out. For many of us, chores aren’t on the top of our to-do list, which makes arguing about household duties an easy thing to do.
Couples enter marriage with unconscious expectations, the key is to communicate these expectations and determine together who does what. As your lives grow and get more complicated (children, career shifts, etc.) the household responsibilities become more complicated as well. Chores will never disappear, but your disagreements about them can. Here are four ways to alleviate your arguments about chores.
1. Communicate
This step should seem obvious, but is often overlooked. You can’t expect your spouse to read your mind and know what you assume will take place, and vice versa. Sit down when chores aren’t irritating everyone, and lean into what needs to be done.
Whatever works for your flow, be sure to communicate your expectations so nothing is overlooked. Divide and conquer! It’s also a good idea to check back in from time to time to see if your chore routine is working. When life changes happen, this is a good time to reconvene and reassess.
2. Focus on who is good and willing
When you designate and divide up household chores, it helps to focus on who is good at what, and who is willing to do what. Are you better at cleaning bathrooms than your spouse? Then take that on. Perhaps your spouse doesn’t mind doing the nightly dishes. Or maybe whoever cooks dinner, the other is designated to do dishes that night.
You will each need to give and take, and the ultimate goal is to harbor a mutual understanding that one person may be more suitable than the other for a certain chore duty. If things aren’t working, then change it up! You’d be surprised what you may not know about your spouse, and will quickly learn what they are good (or not good) at.
3. Don’t criticize
Regardless of what you decide, remember that if you delegate a chore you have to release control – no complaining how things are done. Nitpicking almost always guarantees an argument is on the horizon. If you criticize and want things done perfect, then chances are you will be stuck with the job.
Show gratitude for your spouse and let them know you appreciate the help, no matter how perfect the job is done.
4. Take the SYMBIS Assessment
Are you having a hard time coming to an agreement, or is your chore routine not working? If so, you can take our SYMBIS Assessment to explore and work through these issues. The SYMBIS Assessment is packed full of information including your personality types, your talk styles, and has an entire page dedicated to chores and role expectations. And most important, it’s insightful and fun! Get started today by connecting with a SYMBIS Facilitator in your area.
Don’t let chores be the source of your arguments. With these four tips, you can help alleviate your disagreements, and stay accountable for what you are each responsible for.
Do you and your spouse fight over household duties? If so, how have you reached a resolution? We’d love to hear your tips below!
