Getting married–whether it’s your first marriage, or whether you’ve been married before–is a major step in your relationship and your life. It’s a decision that will have a ripple effect on your future. Because who you marry so deeply affects the trajectory of your life (and oftentimes, those around you), it’s not a decision you should rush into.
There are many reasons why you should approach marriage in a measured, cautious manner. Let’s look at nine of the top reasons why.
1. You’re feeling intense outside pressure.
It’s common for unmarried individuals to feel pressure to marry or remarry. Pressure often comes from friends, parents, extended family, church family, and society in general. If you’re in a relationship, are you feeling this pressure?
There are many reasons why you might feel this way. Maybe your closest friends are married, or you’re feeling lonely. Perhaps you’re engaged and you’re expected to marry quickly. Regardless of the source, pressure is not a healthy reason to marry.
2. You feel too invested to break up.
Sometimes you feel that you’ve invested so much in a relationship that you must go through with the marriage. But that’s not true. If you’re having second thoughts, you should listen to them.
It’s natural to feel guilty when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. Still, if something isn’t right, getting married won’t fix it. An unhealthy relationship won’t complete your family or erase past pain–for you or your partner.
3. You want to be rescued.
Some people believe that a new relationship or marriage will help them feel fulfilled or fix their problems. They want to be rescued from past misfortunes, such as a bad first marriage. But that’s a “grass is greener” mentality. Unfortunately, marrying to escape discomfort won’t bring you lasting satisfaction.
4. You’re defying expectations.
Do you feel that the people around you expect you to wait before you marry (or marry again)? Do they disapprove of the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with? Don’t rush into marriage out of defiance.
Your loved ones may have good reasons for feeling this way. Instead, approach their concerns with an open mind and plenty of discernment. You may find that their worries are unfounded–or you may find a reason for pause.
5. You fell in love quickly.
No matter how quickly you and your partner fell in love–even if it was “love at first sight”–that’s not a basis for rushing into marriage. Love is only one component of a healthy, lifelong relationship. While it’s romantic to fall for one another quickly, it’s hazardous for couples who have imagined that marriage will solve their problems or give them the life they’ve been dreaming of.
6. You’re rebounding from a breakup or divorce.
Entering a relationship when you’re rebounding is risky enough. But marrying on the rebound can be disastrous. Rebound relationships are almost always the result of our reaction to the loss of a previous relationship. Our self-esteem takes a hit, which can negatively impact our judgment in choosing a new partner.
7. You don’t want to be alone.
Feelings of loneliness are strong, sometimes overwhelming, and difficult to cope with. Loneliness can drive people into ill-advised relationships and even marriages. If you’re worried about spending the rest of your life alone, the solution isn’t to rush into marriage. It’s far better to be unmarried for a little while longer than to marry someone who isn’t your best match.
8. You need financial support.
Marrying or remarrying based on financial support can lead couples to unhappy, unfulfilling marriages. Yes, money and resources are important. But far more important is your ability to build and sustain a happy, fulfilling marriage that’s full of enough love and joy to last a lifetime.
9. You’re wildly attracted to one another.
Physical attraction, like the idea of love at first sight, is romantic and idealistic, but it won’t hold a marriage together for life. Even if you’re feeling that intense chemistry, it’s important to take your time getting to know one another. Whether this is your first marriage or remarriage, you both owe it to yourselves to ensure you’re making the right decisions for both of you.
Save your marriage before it starts.
It’s important to invest the time and effort into understanding each other on a deep level before you say, “I do.” We have resources to help you!
- Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) is great for couples embarking on marriage for the first time. This collection includes our highly popular SYMBIS Assessment, a devotional, plus books and workbooks to help you start your marriage off on the right track. Learn more here.
- Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts is tailored specifically to couples who are planning to remarry. Combine the SYMBIS Assessment with our actionable, effective book bundles to start your remarriage in a healthy way. Learn more here.
Do you have any tips to add? Share them with us in the comments.
This is so spot on. I ignored wisdom and followed my heart, quickly. It was a disaster. I married someone recently widowed. He wasn’t ready, though his assurances were that he was. I hardly knew him. I wanted love and security after being a single mom for 10 years. We have constant conflict in our marriage and he isn’t willing to work on the issues.
These are very good reasons NOT to rush head long into marriage. The euphoric stage of a relationship can be very strong. In one sense it is part of God’s plan. However, rushing into marriage in this state can create lifelong pain. God also gave us brains to use at a time like this. Getting to know who each is, is very important at this stage in the relationship. In this stage of excitement, it is really easy not to see the worts, wrinkles and hairs, these are the yellow and red lights that say take your foot of the gas pedal and put your foot on the break so you can be more objective in making your choices to continue.