6 Things To Do When Happiness Fades in Your Marriage

You’ve begun to feel unhappy in your marriage. You and your spouse haven’t been spending time together like you used to. There’s distance between the two of you, and your interactions have cooled. As blissfully happy as you were when you got married, you can’t imagine how you got to this point.

This is supposed to be your soulmate, right? So what is going on? Do you even know this person any more?

Long before we ever get married, we imagine that once we’re in a marriage with our soulmate, that person will meet our every need. But that’s not true because even after we say our vows, we’re still the same people with the same baggage and the same emotional hard-wiring.

Even though you love your spouse deeply, you will still feel unhappy and alone sometimes. This is normal; it’s not an indicator that something has gone wrong with your marriage.

Symbis- 728X90

There will be times when outside stressors invade your marriage and dampen your happiness. There will also be times when the two of you will have to invest extra energy into one another in order to find your footing again.

Don’t become fearful; with hard work and perseverance, you and your spouse will be able to overcome the unhappy times you face together. Here are a few tips to help you get through.

1. Get To Know Each Other Again

When you’re dating, you spend a lot of time getting to know each other. After you’ve been married for several years, you think you still know one another–but your tastes change over time, and your old favorites aren’t your new favorites any more.

Being married is a continual process of getting to know your spouse again and again over the course of your relationship.

Taking time to intentionally learn the things that are significant to your spouse will stave off boredom. You can easily become disinterested in someone who you think you know, and who you believe really hasn’t changed since you got married. If you put that effort into constantly learning about your spouse, you’ll see that he or she will keep you fascinated.

Husbands, take note: we learned of a study done by a great researcher on marriage, and what makes the happiest couples happy. One corollary he discovered was how well the husband knew his wife. (Because women tend to tune into little details, there wasn’t much of a fluctuation for them.)

Basically, how well husbands are tuned into their wives’ favorites (movie, color, flower, perfume–whatever things are most significant to them) directly affects the level of satisfaction in the relationship.

A great way to get re-acquainted with each other is to work through Love Talk Starters. The book contains 275 questions to spark conversation and help you learn more about one another.

Invest some time to get to know each other better, and watch the level of happiness and fulfillment in your marriage grow.

2. Be Generous With One Another

It’s important to cultivate a spirit of generosity toward your spouse. In fact, it’s the best marriage insurance you can invest in.

Being generous has little to do with money; focusing extra time and effort on your spouse will make a world of difference in your marriage.

Little things count BIG. Offer your husband or wife little comforts, tokens of affection, extra help, or special attention. If your wife loves to have her back massaged, offer that to her–don’t wait for her to ask. Or if your husband likes to have coffee before he leaves for work in the morning, prepare it for him, and maybe throw in something special, like a flavoring or a creamer he enjoys.

Be careful not to keep score, though. Being petty and keeping tabs is definitely not the way to draw happiness back into your marriage.

When it comes to paying extra attention to your spouse, go above and beyond to display generosity and unselfishness. The impression you’ll leave on him or her will be hard to ignore.

3. Spend More Time Together

One great way to bring happiness back into your relationship is to make more time for each other–valuable, energized time, not the leftovers after you’re already exhausted.

The two of you need time to hang out together, when you can be playful and affectionate with each other. You can’t do that when you’re focused on kids or your to-do list.

It’s easy to get stuck and comfortable in patterns that starve your marriage of this special one-on-one time, but it’s imperative that you find ways to ignite one another’s desire for that companionship.

Be fully present with each other as you create space in each day where you can slow down together. These moments are essential to the well-being of your marriage.

Share your dreams; inspire each other. What are some things you dream about doing together as a couple? Perhaps you can plan a special vacation that signifies a new day in your relationship.

If you’re having trouble finding the time to set aside for one another, we suggest that you take our very short time assessment. It will help you identify your (and your spouse’s) major time style, and will give you insight to one another’s approach to time. This will set you on the right path to creating moments for just the two of you.

4. Don’t Be A Victim

When the happiness in a marriage fades over time, the blame rarely rests on one spouse. And when you find yourself in this situation, it’s incredibly easy to point the finger at your husband or wife, mentally listing, re-listing, and memorizing the faults and behaviors that you believe are to blame.

Any time you’re facing an ongoing or long-term unhappiness issue in your relationship, it’s your responsibility to take a look at your life and question what role you may have in your situation.

Instead of assuming the victim role and assigning the role of oppressor to your spouse, focus on becoming a healthier, happier person. Work on yourself and make the necessary changes to get yourself into a better place.

Ask yourself what changes you can make to your own behavior, or your treatment of your spouse, to help lift some of the burden from your marriage.

Making positive changes on your own will have an impact on your spouse. It will affect how you view yourself, how your spouse views you, and ultimately, it will benefit your relationship.

If you are being mistreated, neglected, or abused by your spouse, getting healthy will enable you to set appropriate boundaries, protect yourself, and enact change. Make sure you seek support from a professional counselor and trusted friends or family members as you work toward a healthier future.

5. Exercise Forgiveness

As Ruth Bell Graham once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” No matter what you face in your relationship, it is imperative that you and your spouse be willing to forgive one another’s shortcomings.

Forgiveness in marriage is the only way to move forward through a period of unhappiness. It’s likely that both of you have done (or not done) and said (or not said) hurtful things to one another leading up to and during this time.

While it’s tempting to hold onto that negativity as an excuse to keep your spouse at arm’s length from now on, resist the fears you have and release your right to exist in a defensive state. Withholding forgiveness will foster bitterness toward one another and drive you further apart.

6. Focus on the Positives

When you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage, it’s easy to allow yourselves to be completely drowned in negativity until you are unable to see the positive aspects of your spouse and your life together. During times like these, it’s important to be deliberate about being positive and cultivating a sense of gratitude for your blessings.

Not only should you take responsibility for your part in the bad situations you face; you must also take responsibility for the good times–that is, what good you can create in, and extract from, your life.

Create a daily habit of having several positive interactions with your spouse. Thank them for what they do for you; pay them compliments; take the time to point out or share something that makes you feel good (or that you know they’ll appreciate).

Gratitude will protect you from losing yourself to negativity during times of marital unhappiness.

No matter what, always believe that good wins, every time. If you stay focused on the good around you, you and your spouse have much greater chances of overcoming unhappy seasons.

Hold On Tight

How you feel in your marriage right now isn’t how your marriage will always feel.

The truth is, relationships are ever-changing. Love is always evolving. Hold tight to each other as you ride out the rough times together. When you come out on the other side (and you will!), you will be closer than ever.

For more tips and suggestions for making your marriage the happiest possible, check out our book, Making Happy.



  • Denise W. Nothdurft says:

    …I think that all of your suggestions and ideas are well thought out with one exception…GOD…Christ within us is what enables us to change because on our own there is nothing good in us..Our best IS but filthy rags without the Desire for and Presence of the HOLY SPIRIT within US…I can’t change my spouse and he can’t change me but GOD can..Prayer is essential! Man’s efforts without God’s blessings are RARELY satisfying….
    This is 2nd marriage for both husband and I–we have an un- blended family –and 2 grandsons—without the Lord, we would have split up long ago—!!!!

    • Melinda says:

      I laughed until I realized you weren’t kidding. Religion makes things easier when you realize that living is suffering with meaning….as opposed to suffering without meaning, which is just depressing. However, once you get past the initial feelings of futility and terror that your life is the consequence of your decisions and interactions in this world, I believe life becomes liberating. We create our own lives and we can choose whether to foster anger or joy or sadness within each other. Choosing love is the only way to be happy….and whether you love God or you love, say, pancakes or something…. the important thing is to make it count and share that love with others. I think that’s the key to happiness in life and to marriage.

      • Akira says:


      • Kaflee says:

        How do you place God in the same category of comparison with pancakes??

        • Rick says:

          By saying you should focus on any positive aspect of love withoit having to force a religious aspect on it. Love of anything is valid and worth sharing. If God is your thing than Great! Some of us may not have the same beliefs, but that doesn’t make whatever they love any less valid or powerful.

        • Lala says:

          God created pancakes

      • Vincent says:

        I want to ask. My wife is not happy with us. So what do I do to make her happy

        • Khan says:

          Try your best to make her happy buy gifts for her take care of her feelings and still she didn’t get happy after all your efforts Divorce her if she is not happy don’t waste your time you just move on may be some other girl is waiting for you and you get perfect one on your life

      • Candice Marie says:

        Well said! Wow! You should write a book!

      • Candice Marie says:

        Well said! Wow! Melinda, you should write a book!

    • Lily says:

      Are you kidding us? Unbelievable that you would take this very sensitive platform as one to stand upon, preach, and in such doing, alienate those who don’t believe as you do? How arrogant. Can you not see how demeaning your words actually are here?

      • Vig says:

        I find it a little disheartening how those who claim to be Christians here are the ones who show the least tolerance. Doesn’t your religion teach you to accept, respect and tolerate others? You seem surprised and hurt by the fact that there are many who do not share your faith and could not possibly agree with you statements about what is necessary in a love relationship. But you are being met with tolerance and acceptance in the comments here, so maybe consider returning the favor? I think that’s one of the main points in Christianity. People are sharing their thoughts and are giving of their own experiences here. This is about love in relationships. If you and your partner both share a love it’s good for your relationship. If it’s a supernatural love like religion, that’s fine if you share it. If it is a more hands-on love, like the aforementioned pancakes, or walks in nature or music or whatever-it’s a good thing in a relationship..

    • GaylenRay says:

      I completely agree. A Christ-centered marriage is important. I don’t think it changes spouses relationships much though. In fact, if anything I feel like it would be harder for the believers than the unbelievers. I used to wonder why so many people seemed to have life easy. Dream home, business owners, great marriage, happy family. Then God said “you have more to look forward to. Ultimately, you win. This May be the closest to heaven that they ever get” which is really upsettig if you ask me. This world is broken, but it’s not my home and won’t be until I arrive in heaven. As long and my husband and I both have that attitude, we will make it just fine. (:

      • Brandi says:

        I love love this!!!! I completely agree

      • Emma says:

        Ultimately you win ? Wow.. that’s really competitive. I very much doubt anyone has this perfect life you describe. I expect you have no idea about their own struggles. Do they not teach that in church? If not then no wonder people feel that believers think they are better than non believers.

        I do personally feel this idea is deluded as I don’t believe in afterlife but we have no way of knowing what is true, and there is certainly no ‘better’ or ‘worse’. But if it helps with your jealousy then hey I guess thats good for you.

        Good article. Thanks. I’m not currently at the point I can forget and properly move forward with kind words and gestures but I have forgiven and happiness and will hopefully return soon.

        • Bo says:

          It’s not competitive at all, this is one race where EVERYONE can win, if you choose to do so. There’s no quota for getting into Heaven. See 1 Tim 2:4

  • Dee says:

    what happens when the other person fails to see the hurt they cause in the marriage? I have been married for 19 years needless to say we have had oue share of issues and tough situations that we have been through. I have forgiven and I have held on tight even when I really felt like giving up. I keep hoping.things will change but they don’t. it has to ba a team effort. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is going to pass me by and I will still be in the same situation. I know I am not happy. how long is long enough?

    • Luz Flores says:

      I feel the same way 16 yrs together and I feel like my life is passing me by. so I started doing things on my own and my kids. I didn’t want to lose myself again. what do you do then, I am not playing victim. this man has done so much wrong to me I Don’t Know Where To begin

    • Frustrated says:

      Omg I am I. The same situation. Idk you always want to give him a fare chance to change. But that’s their personal decision and we can’t predict when that is and if we can wait that long. But I start to fear by the time I say enough and go out try to find love again I’ll be too old and will have no one. Not even what you had before and if you cheat then the win instantly cause you really ducked up. No matter what they do or did. I’d like advice on this too. I have been to MC and it didn’t help.

    • Lanail Miles says:

      I just came across your response and I feel the exact same way …how long is enough I’m in a 20 year and no matter what I do it’s not enough…I work faithfully cook clean make love you name it but no matter what his problem is it reflects back to what I’m not doing for him…I’m literally tire of being married…this is my 1st and his 2nd hes simply too fucking perfect in his Own Eyes, no matter what I say to get him to see my side of things I’m the one who’s left looking like the fool for staying…

      • Emma says:

        My advice to anyone feeling resentful is DO SOMETHING. Don’t let resentment continue. Sounds like you are doing far too much and not getting what you desire in return. Often men seem to switch off and ignore our requests until we TAKE ACTION to show we need change. Don’t be afraid, if he loves you he will make changes. And if not…

      • Chris says:

        Hi Lanail, I am so sorry to hear that your husband is such a dick, he sounds like me and I am ashamed of having been like that, as your husband should be too. I don’t deserve my Wife and he doesn’t deserve you. My goal in life is to find the way to be the best husband I can be for my Wife. If there is a God she or he knows that my Wife deserves that, as much as you do too 😊💖

      • Berta says:

        You said it best, spot on. 25 years in and I can do nothing right anymore. My husband has always been a narcissistic type. But he adored me, put me on a pedestal and that was worth everything to me. But, he no longer adores me, is still narcissistic and worse. My heart hurts most of the time, I spent half of my life with him, and now starting a new life seems impossible to me.

    • Linda says:

      I’m just two years, and it’s exactly the same with me, I know I have my own faults…. But my husband always seems to over look the fact that he have faults too and always focus on what I’m doing wrong never on what I’m doing right, and he’s already extending this attitude with the members of my family, I feel it’s too early to be loosing myself, hence my seeking for help in this platform. I need help effort I loose it..

      • Joram Kangethe says:

        Hi Linda.
        I have seen your post here.
        I would like to give you some tips.
        My name is pastor Joram and also marriage counselor from Kenya.
        The problem is not you nor your spouse.
        We usually set high expectations in one another.
        People say love is 50/50 or should I say marriage is.
        But that’s wrong!
        You should give 💯% and expect less.
        With that you won’t have any chance of noticing what your spouse could have done to make it more better.
        Cause the moment you notice that,well you will tell him/her and that will be “criticism” of a kind.
        They will be defensive and you will be offended on the process.
        Instead focus on what you can do to improve your marriage.
        Remember the less you expect the less chances of your feelings getting hurt is.

  • Denise says:

    My husband wants to still be best friends with his ex girlfriend that he’s been in a long relationship with her for over a year and we’ve been married 2 years I feel like I’m competing with her their friends on Facebook together am I crazy knowing this I feel he still hanging on to something because he wants to know what’s going on in her life everyday cuz he’s on there every time and liking everything on her facebook how do I tell him I wanted to stop or am I just crazy

    • shannon says:

      You’re not crazy. I would be very concerned with the amount of time he’s spending “catching up”on what she is doing. When you’re married, you shouldn’t have a relationship with someone of the opposite Sex (especially an ex) that takes time away from your spouse. Nor should you have a relationship where things are talked about that related to your marriage or anything personal. It has to be strictly a surface relationship or it can easily lead to much, much more.

    • Cary L Nelson says:

      Make a request to him not a demand

    • Dana says:

      I have been through that and it wasn’t nice …u feel really hurt that they are holding on to someone when they are with u .. .its hurts u deeply and u lose ur self esteem it took me a good while to get over that pain .,it really messed up my head my advice to u is hold on to him if u want ..but have a very serious convo with him and tell him its not right for a married man to be chatting with an ex especially everyday..
      .u shouldn’t have to be fighting for ur place in Gus life is either he want u or not …

    • claudia says:

      Explain to him how he is hurting you and that you would like him to stop hurting you. That should be enough to end the nonsense. I asked my husband, when we were dating, to tell his ex girlfriend that I want her to stop calling him. He did and she stopped. If it had continued, we would not have gotten married. I think its nonsense to say that a man cant be friends with a woman, but he cant remain friends with an ex lover,BECAUSE it hurts you and he wouldnt like it if the tables were turned.

    • Teresa says:

      Tell him Hell no. To the no, no, no. That is wrong to the highest marriage level.

  • Denise, I’m going on 11 yrs of marriage.My husband , was on Facebook with a woman that led to love connection.I figured something was wrong, he was treating me aweful.So I went on his Facebook. Messenger and. What I found out hurt me aweful.Let me tel you ,I lost it.I had a complete melt. down. To this day he blames me.His excuse is I was mean to him. My heart still needs mending.I lost so much trust in him.I’m still with him trying to make our marriage work. Very hard.This other women knows more about me then I know.He. told her everythi g about me of course nothing good.

  • karina says:

    I am having a hard time right now. My husband and I will be married 21 years in one month, and I can’t seem to find the happiness. We have our day to day activities and it’s like it is all on auto-play. We work together so we never really have time away from one another. We are also in a very visible role in our job. A dissolving of the marriage could change both of our lives and how we are viewed as people. I have been struggling with this and how to be happy again. It;s so difficult.

    • claudia says:

      UNless he is the cause of your unhappiness,he is not responsable for your happiness. Definetly make time for YOURSELF. It sound like you lost touch with who you are, what you like,where your joy is. I dont think this has anything to do with him and to end the marriage now wont fix anything. Make yourself havppy and when you are personally in a abetter place decide what to do about your marriage if anything needs to be done at all.

      • Joan says:

        I am an affected person, i can say the minor things become major and so toxic. My husband gets angered so quickly,and during that time he talks lots of uncomfortable things to me which tear me into peace.
        I don’t know what to do. Please help me out

  • Diana says:

    I have been with my husband for 14 years and this is the second time in our marriage I find him on social media asking for friend requests from random girls and having conversations with them asking for pictures the first time was way longer I didn’t know till a month or so in and this time I found out within a week on top of all our other issues I can’t help but wonder what is he thinking in my heart I feel he has cheated but till this day I can’t prove it so for him to do it again is a slap in the face I wish he would just have the balls and call it quits or even better tell me what I need to do if he feels he needs attention we have two kids and yes things could be better but he’s looking elsewhere so at this point is like why fight for a person who has clearly lost interest in me

    • Mac says:

      I am so resentful. Not even one year married and I don’t desire my husband. I held him on a pedestal. He ended up breaking up with me and then immediately dated a girl from work. I didn’t find out until 7 or 8 mo later. I was devastated and wanted him back and wanted to restore our family. I did so at a price of sacrifice. I wish I could love him like I did. But I don’t. I’m angry. Resentful. And he disgusts me. Please help me. Tips?

      • Joan says:

        Am so sorry to hear about that. I think men take advantage of us ladies, use us annoy us then leave to another. There is something i was told by a counselor, women are like an egg , once broken the cracks can’t be seal, we are very fragile and we need people who can understand us.
        I will leave you with this, what goes around come around and karma is a witch, what he did to you shall be done yo him and it will be too late .
        Have heart my fellow woman.

    • Khan says:

      SOrry to say that you already lost him the time he need the things from you you don’t give to him so that’s why he started that things from other women’s you know i am not supporting mans because I am man I am also married but sometimes I also feel that I am not enjoying my life after getting married because my wife keep emotional distance from me I am the one who have to start conversation with her when we are together she will not say single words she never get close to me she never hugs me never kiss me but whenever I ask for sex she never say no she always say yes but this bother me a lot that when will that day come she will ask me for sex I am fed up of trying trying and trying I hope my life will be happy soon I can pray for me and for you all

  • sehmat says:

    I definitely agree with these tips. Great work. These tips are really very helpful.

  • TlJ Sr. says:

    I have taken the time to read through the marital tips because me and my wife are at tough place. After almost 25 years of marriage I have finally come to terms and now truly understand how I hurt my wife through the years. I owned it, asked her to forgive me and allow to show her that I finally get it. Through prayer, spiritual counseling and me coming to terms with some things in my past I have set out to be the type of husband my wife needs and deserves but in my genuine effort I feel as though I am failing and in so I am loosing her. I have never violated our vowels and feel she’s a dime (most beautiful women in the world) but I have a chronic illness that sometime put a financial burden on her coupled with my inability to remain fiscally disciplined at all times has broken the trust and communication within our marriage. I am determined to fix it (me) but struggling to remain optimistic about our life together. I believe that marriage will have valleys and divorce is not an option. I just want to be the best version of myself everyday. Can anyone point me in the direction of a book, person etc so I can work on myself because I believe my wife, family will benefit from a healthier me.

    • Susan says:

      Jesus. Read the Bible. Surround yourself with positive people who are in a good marriage and love Jesus.

    • Chi says:


    • claudia says:

      You sound awesome. How about marriage counseling? Someone impartial with experience helping you both to work out your feelings? Could be a pastor?

    • Biraj says:

      Marriage means unshakeable trust in each other and Actually DOING the things which make a union successful. Namely Mental Emotional Spiritual Physical and Financial Oneness and Responsibility. No point in feeling love but doing Nothing about it. In my eyes the key to any loving happy relationship is :
      Effective Communication
      Behaving Responsibily
      Deep compassion and understanding for each other
      Uplift one other every single day
      Work at creating happiness within so it will shine out between you two.
      Meditate and exercise together !
      Have fun with one another !!
      Express your feelings and appreciate more!

      All the best 🙏💐

    • Joan says:

      You are a blessed man,i hope all went well in your marriage coz am reading this a year later after posting,
      I wish you can talk to my husband and let him reason like you.

  • Dal says:

    Tlj Sr. Well done sir, you have taken the biggest and hardest step.
    I’m not under any delusions, my husband’s mother is the first woman in his life, (she’s also very aware of this) she has hurt me and our first child, very badly (even putting my baby in hospital once). He defends her and takes her side every time, even if he knows without a doubt that it comes from a place of bitterness, hate and/or spite. We’re together almost 15 years, we live in the same house (thank goodness, not with his mother) but there’s no relationship between us. He pays the bond, I’m responsible for the kids and everything else. He works long hours and does very little at home. I’ve done everything I can to be supportive, try bring love back, but for years, it was only from my side. I don’t love him or even like him (i won’t list the reasons, it’s not healthy!) But I ask for time, date nights, even a conversation, I try to discuss our issues, try to get involved in his interests. I try to understand his viewpoint but again it all feels one sided. I want to heal the main cause of our destruction. I don’t trust him, I am on gaurd around him, I’m very careful what I say and do. He’ll make me coffee in the morning and rub my back a bit at night, in the hope of sex (this only started when the last brick on my wall went up) Our lives together is empty. There’s no connection whatsoever. I feel old and tired, I’ve developed a lot of health issues (far from what I used to be)
    I struggle to keep up, but my children are my motivation to continue. Once they are set up with their own lives, I can move on.
    The main reason I’m still here, is because I can still intervene between him and our children when I need to. (This becomes impossible with joint custody)
    Try take your wiife to a nice restaurant, get a private quiet table and hand her a letter saying what you feel (be honest & straight forward) Then seek counselling. Even if she is where I am now, it would take a heart of stone to not get through. you have shown a great deal of bravery and responsibility for your part.
    I wish you and your wife all the joy, love etc of a newly wed couple. God bless you

  • Tully says:

    Married for 2 years but that 2 years feels like 20 0years. A lot has happened in tht 2 years including him impregnating another woman.He cheated on me many times and never accepted tht he was wrong. My life is a mess and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been abused by him and his girlfriends in many ways

  • Michele says:

    This was like the breath of fresh air I was in dire need for. It’s sad that some people have to nit pic and impose their personal thoughts on something that didn’t agree with them. If you want your own open forum of your “advice” than create your own blog!! I personally am very grateful for all the loving, honest and very valid truth that was stated here. Thank you!!!

  • Marge says:

    That’s death till we part…thing.And now that I’m in the senior years, hopefully this death part thing happens soon..

    • wisdom says:

      good one out here

    • Dorothi Ghosh says:

      Married for years now. The first year was blissful but then everything changed. He has always been mess creater and never there in a way that would cater to my emotional needs. Yet there were things that were incredible like never blaming me for anything, it was always us responsible for anything going wrong, and challenging me to see things in new light. It was good. But he keeps things scattered, not even takes care of his own things. I have to run like a mother picking up things, cleaning creating a order and packing up his bag like you prepare a child for school. All this was manageable. I could overlook things until my baby was born. Raising a kid is lot and lot of work. I am in a nuclear family where all the responsibility fell on me. No one was there to share the load. After the birth of my child everything changed, he not only did not evolve to step into my needs and the childs but also started blaming me. After two years of giving up my job and taking care of the child all day I am worn out and frustrated. I love my child. He is an angel. But kids being kids means lot of work and keeping the house in order is challenging. I do not find that I can rely on my husband for anything. Now and then he does some chores but that doesn’t mean I won’t be shouted at or have to hear resentment the next time I ask for it. I have tried everything I could think of. I have had a proper detailed conversation about what is the problem and what can be done. He would agree in what I say, seem understanding, state that yes my situation is painful and frustrating, but there would be nothing in action. I am tired of words and empty promises. I have this feeling every morning, nothing is going to change, I am never going to have life of my own, or opportunity to be something, all my days are going to be just one struggle to another. I am tired.

      • Sarah Jane says:

        I think you all are very brave for sharing your story. I am a newlywed of 2 years and their has most certainly been ups and downs. Moving, having another baby, starting a new career, exc.. I just wanted to offer some words of comfort and kindness to those that are struggling and I will pray for you today…. I pray that your emotional burdens will be lifted from your heart and that you will be filled with a sense of great peace, it is never too late to start a new chapter in your life oh, it does however take great courage to make the first step. I have also found especially for women that raspberry leaf tea/chamomile tea does wonders for hormone balance as well as easy any emotional ups and downs. Cannabis is also very helpful for these things

      • claudia says:

        It sounds like he has adhd. I try as hard as I can to keep things organized and clean but I cant. Im forever chasing my tail. I suspect I need meds and your husband might also.

      • Oyindamola says:

        I hope everything changes dear.

        Don’t loose yourself in the process.
        Make yourself happy too and you will be able to bring happiness to the table.

      • Laura says:

        This sounds like an exact description of my husband. We will be coming into our 3rd year of marriage now and I’m petrified about the thought of having a child with him because of this. We are going to try counselling and make a few changes to see if anything helps.

    • Thia says:

      I’m smiling because I have been married almost 30 years & I have put to death my dreams of that BIBLICAL marriage of oneness. Now, I focus on kindness to my spouse, sorrowful yet rejoicing & getting the most out of MY OWN relationship with GOD!!

  • Sarah Jane says:

    I think you all are very brave for sharing your story. I am a newlywed of 2 years and their has most certainly been ups and downs. Moving, having another baby, starting a new career, exc.. I just wanted to offer some words of comfort and kindness to those that are struggling and I will pray for you today…. I pray that your emotional burdens will be lifted from your heart and that you will be filled with a sense of great peace, it is never too late to start a new chapter in your life oh, it does however take great courage to make the first step. I have also found especially for women that raspberry leaf tea/chamomile tea does wonders for hormone balance as well as easy any emotional ups and downs. Cannabis is also very helpful for these things

  • Tammy Billings says:

    That is the book we all need to mend all brokenness. Now I have read all these comments and came to this. That is truly the answer. I lost my first love who cares for us and like a light bulb. I can only fix me. I don’t want to loose 30 years of marriage and all I have worked for. So, I have to turn back to God and have his word to help me stay focused on what matters. Today I pray for God’s power to work in our marriage! That is all needed.

  • Rodney ward says:

    Well I’m furious that so many couples are so unhappy. We’ve been married 55 years and like all of you we’ve had our ups and downs but I’ve always worshipped my wife and done everything I could to make her happy but since we stopped working and moved to Australia to be with our children it’s all been downhill. We’ve always been very fit but my health took a nosedive but I’ll only mention two little things one was prostate cancer the other dreadful depression. I asked my surgeon will I recover doctor and he said yes but only with the help of your wife. Now when it came to sex I have always tried to be adventurous but my wife was the opposite however I never forced anything just went with the flow. I’ve just mentioned this to my wife and she just blew up saying you always blame me but I didn’t I just said the doctor said you will recover but only with help from your wife ,well that was eight years ago and still no help and it’s not about sex it’s about recovery closeness togetherness call it what you will but there’s nothing like your wife caressing and cuddling you stroking you massaging you and making you both feel good. Well the next thing follows doesn’t it Depression because you feel unwanted unworthy obsolete useless unlovable uncared for and in a really bad state. We’ve been to marriage guidance but she just takes over and makes me look a real bastard which makes me so sad. I’m not making out that lm Mr Wonderful because I can get angry and be abusive but I’ve always thought this was forever but my wife won’t discuss anything sensibly it’s always you told me to fuck off twenty years ago or you did this or that. I was so depressed l ended up in a mental hospital. She came in the middle of the week and took me home against my wishes and said come on everything will be alright but nothing has changed. She hasn’t got another bloke but in some ways I wish she had because then I could sell the house and move away completely then I wouldn’t need to worry about her being on her own. There’s no love left in me she’s destroyed that and there’s no way back I can’t try any more and I can promise you especially young people you only get one life so don’t end up like me old miserable living in a very cold loveless home please do something only you can do it especially you young women. Two or three years in a relationship is nothing but it quickly becomes fifty odd then it’s too late so just do it and I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you think God will help then you’re going to wait a bloody long time. Just one more thing I think the most wonderful thing on this planet is women and you should be loved and treated with the utmost respect,I’m saying this because most of the letters are from women which really makes me sad and ashamed to be a man. That’s it ,I’m sure my wife would say different things and that would be her right and choice. Good luck to you all best wishes Rod.

  • Family Law says:

    This is a great blog post. It’s so true – there are so many things that go into making a marriage work. Your article is great – and really hits on the foundation and building blocks of a relationship. I really enjoyed reading this post!

  • Chris says:

    This post is lasting longer than a lot of marriages 😂. The sad fact is men can never make women happy long term, they can short term, but not long term they can’t, not as long as there are issues around equality. We can’t look to our parents relationships that were from the eighties, seventies, sixties, fifties or prior. Women were oppressed in those marriages as those marriages were based on what was a totally male dominated world. Males still try to dominate, but liberation has become stronger for women in modern times, but their struggle still goes on for total equality within society and within relationships. Their hasn’t been any real mainstream books that have been successful in helping assist change in this area. There is a place for religion for some in this world who need spiritual fulfillment and hope, but we need to forget about religion when addressing equality between men and women. The reason why is because religion is also based on a male dominated perspective.
    The question should be – How does a man and woman have equal power and control in a relationship? I may need to start again if I as a male is wanting to be successful in a marriage (relationship) and re-ask the question – How does a woman and a man have equal power and control in a relation? This is new frontier stuff. New skills that we need to help us evolve. We can’t get most of this stuff from our parents, as they didn’t or don’t have total equality in their relationships. Please can someone with the insight and knowledge write a series of manuals to help us all – How to have equal share of power and control in a relationship – How to have equal share of power and control in a relationship when buying a house together – How to have equal share of power and control in a relationship when having children while both parents work – How to grow old together while having equal share of power and control in a relationship. Thank you to those who can help us all transition to total equality within relationships.

  • This article was really amazing as well as helpful too. Nothing is more important than a happy married life to lead a peaceful life. I definitely agree with these tips. These tips will help people who are unhappy in their married life.

  • Linda says:

    I’m just two years, and it’s exactly the same with me, I know I have my own faults…. But my husband always seems to over look the fact that he have faults too and always focus on what I’m doing wrong never on what I’m doing right, and he’s already extending this attitude with the members of my family, I feel it’s too early to be loosing myself, hence my seeking for help in this platform. I need help effort I loose it..

  • Mats Wolff says:

    I loved that you mentioned how well a spouse knows the other’s favorites, such as movies and flowers, which can greatly affect the relationship. My parents are having some marriage problems and these see some great advice. I encouraged my parents to see a counselor help them overcome any differences.

  • Hello blogger, good morning. Gorgeous blog post. You have gained a new reader. Please keep it up and I look forward to more of your incredible articles. Regard

  • Maya kareem says:

    hello bloger how are you thanks for informiton i like this

  • Hey,

    Incredible post! I totally agree with your all points. In your post your every point is too useful.
    These tips will help people who are unhappy in their married life.

    Priyota Parma

  • Diana James says:

    Hello there, your article is so good. Following your news.

  • Hi
    Thank you so much for sharing nice blog your article is so good

  • Josephine says:

    Am very happy to tell everyone to share my testimony i am from united state, am a nurse, this story of my love life.I have been married for 4years and on the 5th year of my marriage, another woman had to take my husband away from home, my husband left me and the kids to suffer for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr.olorun have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my husband back home and believe me i only sent my picture to him and that of my husband as requested and after 48hours as he had told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar problems to meet with this powerful man and have your lover back to your self.You can contact him with this email address;dr.olorun@gmail.com Thank you Dr olorun. I am sure he will do same to help you

  • Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates says:

    So it’s been awhile since anyone posted but I’m wondering if any of these situations have changed for the better and if so how? I’ve been married 6 years. My husband believes in the traditional gender role type marriage. He wants me to cook, clean up after him, 3 kids, and a pet. I did this for 4 years before I decided I couldn’t take the demands of a perfect house, 3 kids and a pet. Every time I would try to apply to a job, he would say things like you don’t really love your children because if you did you would stay home. But then on fb he would post memes and make comments on posts that say “your supposed to have an equal relationship” “women need to understand that I’m not their daddy”. So I finally ignored his guilt trip and got my job. As soon as I got a job he quit working. Long story short he still expected me to do all the cooking and cleaning even though he was home and the kids were in school. I had to nag him to clean and he would never cook anything except eggs which he knows I’m allergic to (He finally went back to work after many months of fighting). Now that he works, he hasn’t changed much – it’s still me doing all the cooking/cleaning (unless I hire someone to help) – though occasionally he helps do dishes/laundry (but he never actually puts the laundry away he just turns on the washer machine/dryer and if I didn’t take it out and put everything away they would sit in a laundry bin all wrinkly). Why is it that men expect women to do all the house work even if the woman works all day? Even when he was home all day, he expected me to do all the house work. I don’t comprehend this. His excuse everyday for not doing housework or cooking was always that he brings home the bacon. Now what is the excuse? That I’m a woman? I have even fought with him about this and he still is ungrateful for all the work I did the past 5 years – granted I didn’t get a perfectly clean house because I was staying home with 3 toddlers and I focused more on cooking the family their meals and packing his lunch at the wee hours of the morning. . . Are there any men who can explain to me why men think this is okay? How can I change the situation short of separating? I’ve tried extra intimacy, and have even tried to live up to his ridiculous expectations, but in the end he just complains that my work isn’t good enough.

  • Mrs KM says:

    I’ll be married for 25yrs,i got marred when I was 19,we have to beautiful kids, boy and girl. My son passed when he was 16 in an accident. It divided us as a family but we managed to stay together, my daughter is 25,my husband has recently lost his job and I try every to make him feel loved, recently he joined a neighborhood watch and has changed, he is constantly on his phone, he aways wants to be out with these guys, they go away on wee and even tho we are broke he insists on going, I have a blood clot in my brain and when I get sick, he still leaves me. I spoke to him but he says I complain too much. I’m thinking of divorce as my daughter is tired of his lies and the way he treats me 😔

  • Since I got married,my life has changed totally. My job stop my husband job can’t feed the home,I now become someone that couldn’t buy a pant taless of clothes,shoes, jewelries for herself and my later stop working too.over 7month now,my husband has nothing doing and I am thinking of rearranging myself back to my former place to start another life without my family.am I wrong

  • Tex Hooper says:

    Great tip about creating a place where you too can talk with each other. I need to get a therapist to help me and my wife patch up our marriage. I’ll have to hire someone who has experience in the past.

  • You made an interesting point when you mentioned that it is important to hold on tight when going through rough times in marriage. I would think that it would be a good idea to work with a counselor during rough times. It seems like a counselor would be able to help couples strengthen their marriages.

  • Frank says:

    Awesome post! I agree with your points. Sometimes a relationship or marriage is like it is all on auto-play. We get so use to our partner that we are losing the special parts to the relationship. So that happen in my marriage. Thanks to your article it help me to clear something up. Thank u

  • Everyone wants a happy family, but sometimes it is hard to get one due to a lack of communication, financial problems and many more. I hope many people will read your blog because you enlighten us and make us realize how important family is. Let God be the centre of our family.

  • Sabrina Sector says:

    He is a cheat and a liar. He disrespects but he says he loves me. I was going crazy because i do not understand how you claim to love someone and treat them with so much disrespect. It was a big concern for me until i met Dr Okosu on the internet. So many people said nice things about him and i was curious if he can also help me. He said my husband was under some sort of spiritual manipulation but good thing is that he was able to set him free. now he treats me with all the love and respect much more than i can ever imagine.

    Dr Okosu this is my testimony as i promised, thank you sir. please guys help share until it gets to Dr Okosu. His email is drokosu01 @ gmail. com

  • K m says:

    I cant forgive my husband for cheating on me many times! This is all well and good if we wasn’t lying about cheating and blaming everything on me, it doesn’t work that way

  • Thank you for sharing this. No family is perfect, but cheers to all couples who fight and stand to give their loved ones a happy, loving, and complete family!

Leave a Reply