3 Ways to Soothe Your Spouse’s Anxiety

By November 9, 2016February 20th, 2018Communication, Conflict

Anxiety. Most of us have been there: an issue that–to the outside world–seems arguably small balloons into a crushing, suffocating weight. Our hearts race. Our palms sweat. We descend into a spiraling panic, and find that it’s difficult (and even hopeless) to stop the feeling of dread building inside our chests.

Most of us know what anxiety feels like when it’s happening to us, but it can be difficult to know how to help someone we love when they are being riddled with it. It’s easy to feel at a loss, not knowing what to do or say. Can’t they just get over it, already?

Unfortunately, it’s easiest to write off a spouse’s anxiety and come up short when it comes to offering comfort and help. So today, we’re sharing tips for helping your husband or wife overcome the panic monster when it attacks.

1. Soothe your spouse and listen to his/her fears.

When your spouse is in the throes of anxiety, it can be difficult to relate to the things that are bothering him or her. In fact, it may seem impossible to you. But it’s critically important to lend an ear and offer comfort to your spouse anyway, regardless of whether you can identify with his/her turmoil.

Encourage your spouse to talk to you about what’s upsetting them. Sometimes a person who is in a state of panic can calm down on their own if they talk about their worries.

If you can do anything to alleviate your spouse’s most pressing sense of panic, do it. Help him/her find ways to calm his/her body and mind. If the anxiety can be lessened, your spouse has a better chance of clearing their mind and approaching the issue from a calmer place.

2. Don’t tell your spouse to “just get over it.”

Panic and anxiety are driven by emotions, and even though an anxious person’s brain might be telling them one thing, their emotions are communicating a sense of urgency (and potentially danger) that they feel has to be resolved immediately. It’s classic fight-or-flight.

Unfortunately, there’s no easy fix for anxiety and panic. Telling your spouse to “get over” whatever is upsetting them is just going to make the situation worse. Instead, show empathy and determine what you can do to help.

If your spouse is feeling anxious about a decision that needs to be made, help him/her walk through the options, examining the pros and cons as a team. If work is making your spouse anxious or panicked, sit down and talk together about why, and explore possible solutions. If your spouse’s anxiety is rooted in matters at home or with family, see where you can pitch in and help.

If the anxiety is uncontrollable and has disrupted your spouse’s (or your, or your family’s) quality of life, gently encourage him/her to seek professional help. If the problem is complex and out of control, don’t be afraid to seek help. But if it’s something you can find a solution for between the two of you, all the better.

3. De-stress and unwind–deliberately.

If anxiety has had a hold on your life, focus on ways the two of you can unwind and find peace. Seeking out pleasurable activities and having fun together will boost your sense of well-being (and your intimacy, which is a huge bonus!).

The panic monster can be a hard one to beat, but by working together and focusing on ways to alleviate your spouse’s anxiety, it can be done. As you help your spouse deal with his/her feelings of panic, remember that most everyone experiences difficult seasons like this at some point. Armed with understanding, patience, empathy, and love, you can overcome this together.

Have you or your spouse dealt with crippling anxiety? How did you help–or, how did your spouse help you? We’d love to hear your stories. Share them below.



  • Lisa R says:

    Biggest key is empathy & listening. My ex was allot of the cause of my anxiety & would never want to talk about it. My own issue so my need to ‘get over it’ & deal with it myself. I got better with therapy & proper meds. Sadly he never got over his issues so hence…the ex. A hug, an empathetic ear & working together to help one suffering are big steps in the right direction as it affects you both.

  • Cal Koellmel says:

    I resort to scripture, having several verses handy on my phone or if I can remember , in my heart.
    Listening without my idea of fixing helps & of course praying for her.

    Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

    Psalm 94:19 When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought joy to my soul.

  • Willy says:

    I am undergoing this right now. I simply am clueless of how to help? She is very emotional about her past and I really want to help but I don’t know how.

  • Julie says:

    Spending time together for fun helps a lot to get the anxious person’s mind off of dwelling on issues. Riding bikes, walking/hiking, going to a movie or things that are distracting. Also, physical intimacy helps so much to affirm stability, love and support that no matter what each person is valued and love no matter how they are feeling.

  • I really appreciate your post and you explain each and every point very well.Thanks for sharing this information. And I’ll love to read your next post too.

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