11 Questions to Ask Your Spouse to Spark Deeper Conversation

By June 9, 2015June 11th, 2015Communication

All of us, at some point, go through times in our marriages when we find it difficult to create the meaningful conversations that keep intimacy alive. Here you will find 11 questions you can ask your husband or wife on date nights, on road trips, and during tough times that will initiate deeper communication in your relationship.

When using questions like these as conversation starters, remember to keep the questions open-ended (don’t ask anything that will elicit only a “yes” or “no” answer), and always follow up. After your spouse has shared his or her thoughts, engage and share your own answers.

Questions for Date Night

Date night is a time for you to unwind together, reconnect, and decompress. Use these questions to keep your conversations positive and focused on one another.

  1. What is your favorite memory from our first date?

You may be surprised to learn what aspects of your first date together stood out the most to your spouse. You may have more vivid memories of your first romantic moments together, while your spouse focused more on the things about you that would matter the most in a serious relationship, like personality, behavior, and character.

  1. How do you like to be romanced?

Maybe you already know the answer to this question—or do you? Your spouse’s preferences could have changed since you married, or perhaps you’ve lost focus of their preferences. Take a little time to find out if there’s anything you can do for your spouse to help him or her feel more loved and cared for.

  1. What are your dreams for our future?

Because dreams are often fluid, you may find that your spouse’s dreams for the future have changed since you last talked about them. Be sure to share your dreams as well, so that you can work together to align them.

  1. What interest or activity would you like me to be more involved in with you?

Married couples can have major differences in their interests and activity preferences, so this is a great way for you to find out if there’s something your spouse dearly wants to share with you. Maybe he or she feels like you aren’t interested—and maybe you weren’t in the past. This question will help you to become involved, if even a little, in something your husband or wife really loves.

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Questions for Road Trips

Travel can reignite a sense of adventure that has stagnated under the pressures of everyday life. Take advantage of the excitement of the journey to learn a little bit more about each other and your place in the world.

  1. What places do you dream of visiting?

Ask your spouse about cities, states, or countries he or she would love to see, then share your own travel dreams. This will bring you one step closer to helping one another live those experiences.

  1. What is your favorite childhood vacation memory?

This is a fun topic that will help the two of you get better acquainted with who you were as kids. It might even spark some ideas for future vacations, or even detours on your current road trip. If you have kids, it will get your wheels turning on how to create memorable experiences for them.

  1. What mission fields are you inspired to support?

Getting away from home and out of your comfort zone expands your view of the world around you. What better time to start a conversation about areas of your country (or the world) where your family might serve together?

Questions for Tough Times

Going through difficult times can be a major strain on communication in your marriage. Your challenge could be from external forces, or within the marriage itself. Regardless of the problem’s source, these questions will give you some tools to get started on serving one another and working together to get through a tough time in your life.

  1. How can I pray for you?

When you and your spouse are hurting, it can sometimes be difficult to focus in prayer, together or separately. Take the time to find out what your spouse needs, and pray on his or her behalf. Don’t be afraid to share the things you need your spouse to pray about for you, as well. You can do this separately, together, or both.

  1. What are some things I can do to help you alleviate stress?

Find out what things you can do to help make a difficult time easier for your spouse. Share your needs with each other, and work together to relieve one another’s stress and focus on positive things.

  1. What are the most memorable ways God has blessed you?

This question will jog your spouse’s memory to the times in his or her life when blessings have been abundant. Share your answers as well, and then go a step further by discussing the blessings you currently have, despite the storm you’re facing. Focus on the hope that your difficult situation will soon pass.

  1. What new experiences would you like to share together?

A wonderful way to cope during a hard time is to focus together on making new, happy memories. Whether it’s a hobby or activity, a romantic date, a day trip, a long vacation, or a new tradition, you can craft experiences that will be a ray of sunshine during tough times.


Using these prompts will enrich your marriage by helping you and your spouse get to know one another on a deeper level. Start with these ideas, then add your own—the possibilities are endless. When your communication is deep and meaningful, you will be better equipped with the tools you need to face tough times, and to fully enjoy the abundant blessings of marriage.CohabAd- 640x640blogmiddle



  • Susan says:

    My husband is a narsiscist. How does one show love so he can return love or show empathy? The only time he has shown empathy was when I was really sick and not sure what I was dealing with. His lack of it drove me to wanting to commit suicide. We have been married for 40 years. 40 long and lonely years. I’m tired but I made a commitment. What do you suggest ?

    • Tre Revilo says:

      Have you challenged him in asking what does he need in order to express his feelings and to be more thoughtful? If met with irritation, an interesting trick is telling him that you need to know whether or not he’s a sociopath because you’re concerned he doesn’t love anyone including himself.

      This triggers a self reflection and forces him to qualify himself. Let his truth come out to determine your next move.

  • DZ says:

    Hi Susan, after earning how to pray earnestly and cry out to God to help my very own marriage, I can comfortably and confidently suggest that you turn Him over to God. Sounds cliche? The past three months of learning how to surrender myself and my marriage to God has brought, tears, miracles and today, a new journey in marriage with my husband on board. Nothing I said or did could fix anything. God took the lead, when I finally gave Him the reins to do so. No complaining, no yelling, no trying to figure out what the problem as. Just sincere praying and praising God even in the time of deep hurt and sorrow. I am sorry to hear that you feel alone in your marriage but I would like to humbly suggest prayer and praise to God. If you are interested in a person to pray with, let m know.

  • Dillon says:

    Struggling pretty bad in my marriage. My wife works evenings and I work during the day. We have two children, ages 2 and 6. Often I feel like a single parent just struggling to survive. I am starting to feel dead inside, my wife and I barely talk or see each other and date nights are non existent due to not having a sitter. The only day we get to spend as a family is on Sunday. We wake up and go to church and then get to spend the rest of the day together but that’s about it. Our house and lives always seem to be filled with chaos. Communication is rare and often results in arguing and finger pointing. It breaks my heart to live like this and I see no end in sight. I feel trapped. As a man, I feel as though I am failing as the spiritual leader of my family, as a servant, as a husband and as a father. Please pray for my family and I.

    • Tre Revilo says:

      That’s no way to live. If she cannot switch her work arrangement, you’ll need to obtain a new passion and place the desires for your wife on hold until a major lifestyle change happens.

      This new passion would be any side project that brings you happiness. Yeah, it hurts. Had you known life was going to be like this, you wouldn’t have gotten married. You’ve suffered long enough. Stop suffering by shifting your desires. Your new passion is a profitable one, it could lead into a lifestyle change that does allow you both to be together again.

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