You’re married, but your spouse still acts single. They spend more time with their friends than with you, and that’s a frustrating position to be in. How can you convince them to prioritize time with you instead?
No one wants to experience loss in order to pursue something new, but marriage is a life commitment. The truth is, it’s impossible to cultivate intimacy in your marriage and still support the kind of time you gave your friendships while you were single. You and your spouse don’t have to give up your friends, but making adjustments is essential.
If You’re the First to Get Married…
If you’re the first of your friends to get married, that can be challenging. You’re the first person making a major life change that takes you away from the group. Friends who aren’t in serious relationships can’t understand, and they may pressure you to stay the same regardless of your new status as spouse.
Sometimes, spouses cave to that pressure. If that sounds like your situation, it’s understandable that you would feel upset. This situation requires a measure of empathy, though. Put yourself in their shoes and work to understand where they’re coming from. (And they should do the same for you.)
You Can Be an Example to Your Single Friends
If you’re a young couple with many unmarried friends, you’re in a unique position. You get to model marriage for your friends. As the first couple in your friend group to marry, they’ll be watching how you handle this transition.
It’s essential to set healthy boundaries with your friends that protect the friendships and your marriage. Let them know this new season requires you to prioritize your marriage. You and your spouse can work together to figure out how much time you feel comfortable with giving your friends going forward.
This season won’t last long, because eventually your friends will start getting married, too. Within the next couple of years, life will look very different. It might feel lonely for a time as you and your spouse lean into this new phase, but you also have the chance to set some great patterns in motion.
If You’ve Been Married Long-Term…
We’ve talked about the transition from being single to married in early adulthood. But what if you’ve been married long-term and your spouse still acts single? What should you do?
Examine why you might be experiencing this dynamic. Is it possible you and your spouse could prioritize more togetherness? It’s time to discuss how you’re feeling and see if you can reach a solution that works for both of you. If it becomes difficult to navigate the conversation, consider getting support from a trusted pastor or family therapist.
The good news is, you can cultivate closeness, intimacy, and shared activities at any age or stage of marriage. It may help to seek out more friendships with married couples who you can both spend time with. For the long-term health of your marriage, it’s crucial to make these changes
Taking a marriage assessment like SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) can help you get to one one another on a deeper level than before. That will help you feel closer as you spend more time together. You can learn more about SYMBIS here.
Have you and your spouse struggled with balancing friend time and couple time? How did you resolve the conflict? Let us know in the comments.
