So you’ve fallen out of “like” with your spouse. What do you do now?
Love is such a mysterious experience. It ebbs, flows, and goes through seasons. Married couples sometimes feel they don’t like one another as much as they once did. Even though you love your spouse, it’s possible to dislike things about them.
It’s not realistic to expect the full experience of love at all times. That’s because love is made up of many components: respect, companionship, humor, shared experiences, intimacy, and more. In some seasons of life, you may have an imbalance of some of these factors that make your relationship feel fully satisfying.
What Causes Spouses to Grow Apart?
We don’t always like the person we married. Sometimes, your spouse can drive you nuts. Living with someone, sharing your life with them, can mean you annoy each other. Marriage means you weather every storm together, and share every life experience.
Sometimes, seasons of life can stress your relationship. Loss, hardship, financial challenges, raising small children, caring for aging relatives, growing apart, pursuing separate interests, or having frequent arguments can all impact how much you like one another.
If you’re feeling this way right now, the most important thing to understand is that it’s common. You’re not alone. It’s normal for spouses to feel strain in their marriage from time to time, but you can take action to move through this season well.
How to Fall Back in “Like” With Your Spouse
Do you ever find yourself thinking, What in the world did I get myself into? There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s possible to feel affectionate toward your spouse again.
Focus on what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. Make a list of the things you admired about them in the beginning. Take time to notice those things now. Your love for them will help you see their best qualities.
As you shift your focus from the things that upset you to the qualities you like, you might notice a few things. Maybe you’ll realize you lost touch with your spouse’s best traits. Or perhaps they’ve developed new positive qualities you missed along the way.
Over time, you’ll find that respect and “like” begin to return to your relationship. While your spouse’s annoying qualities may not disappear, emphasizing the best traits will help you stay focused on the positives. If you do this consistently, you could find yourself fully enjoying your spouse again on all levels.
Committing to love means sticking together even during times when you don’t like one another. Love carries you through to happier times on the other side of this. Don’t get too discouraged if you feel you’ve fallen out of “like,” because a better season is on the way.
If you want to fall back in “like” with your spouse, communication is a great way to begin. When you’re annoyed with your spouse, you might not want to spend time with them. Finding something to talk about, rather than arguing, can be hard. Our book, Love Talk Starters, is a collection of 275 conversation starters to get you talking with one another more. Learn more and get your copy here.
Have you ever disliked your spouse? What did you do to nurture affection again? Let us know in the comments.
Yes I found this with my own spouse — I didn’t really enjoy being around him anymore but I realized I was the problem. I was putting too much pressure on him to make me happy or fix my day, I need to look to The Lord for my everything. When I got my eyes off myself and up to Jesus, I looked to my husband with a whole new perspective. It took time but it worked! (By the way, you both were my professors at SPU back in the 90’s. Met my husband there too! — keep up the good fight for strong marriages!!)