How to Intentionally Pursue Joy with Your Spouse

By August 2, 2017February 23rd, 2018Communication

Keeping your marriage infused with joy is one of the greatest challenges–but can also be one of the biggest adventures–in your life as a couple. After the honeymoon, life can get bogged down by day-to-day drudgery and less-than-ideal circumstances that are beyond your control. And while it’s a little too easy to let these things drown your happiness, it’s important for the two of you to stay focused on finding the joy that keeps you moving forward, no matter what.

Today, we’re sharing some tips on how to intentionally pursue joy together, so that when the going gets tough, the hard times won’t destroy your happiness.

1. Get to know each other again.

In the early part of your relationship, you two seemed to know everything about each other, right? You knew your spouse’s favorite movies, foods, songs, colors, and bands. You knew what made him or her tick, and you knew the perfect ways to make one another happy.

But how long have you been married? Even if you’ve only been married for a few years, some of those details may have changed. The longer we’re together, the more changes we’ll experience over time. So if it’s been awhile since you asked, it might be time to get to know your husband or wife all over again.

What matters most to your spouse? Are their favorite things still their favorites now, or have they moved on to new and different interests? If you haven’t been paying attention, now’s the perfect time to get caught up. Share your new favorites with your spouse, too.

Another great way to reconnect is to tell each other stories about your childhood that you might not know about each other. This will deepen your sense of connection and give one another insight into parts of your lives that you may not have shared before.

When you get back in touch with the core of who your spouse is, not only will you feel closer to one another–you’ll feel more joyful and more in love than ever.

2. Stay positive.

The world is full of enough bad news as it is, right? On top of that, most couples are dealing with near-constant crises of one kind of another. It’s just part of life. But if you want to pursue joy in your marriage, it’s critical to minimize the voices of negativity in your life and keep things as positive as you can.

We can’t avoid talking about and dealing with heavy topics; it’s totally fine, normal, and healthy to address the issues in your life. But don’t dwell on the negative all the time. If you’re going through a hard time in your life (or someone close to you is), it won’t be easy to shift your communication into positive messages, but making the effort to do so will pay dividends for your marriage.

When you come together after a long work day or finally go out on that date night you’ve been looking forward to, tell each other about the good things that have been going on at work, at home, or in your activities. Tell your spouse something good that happened to you that day. On the flipside, ask your spouse what the best part of his or her day was.

It’s also inspiring and effective to keep a journal of the things you’re thankful for and the things you love about each other. When you’re having a “down” day, just add to or refer to your existing list and the gratitude will help lift your spirits.

If you’ve allowed negativity to rule your life, it might take some time to shift the polarity. But stick with it, because it can be done–and you’ll thank yourselves when you realize how much more joy you have in your life as a result.

3. Make ‘em laugh!

For an instant shot of joy, find a way to make your spouse laugh. Better yet, look for little ways every day to bring a smile to your spouse’s face.

You know your spouse better than anyone else, so you most likely “get” their sense of humor and know what’s going to make them laugh. Actively seek out ways to tickle their funny bone, because laughter is medicine.

Here are a few quick ways to get a chuckle out of your husband or wife:

  • Utilize social media to find memes or videos that they’ll appreciate
  • Throw out a silly quote or two from a funny movie or show they like
  • Look up jokes in their particular “flavor” of humor to share
  • Impersonate a character or celebrity for them
  • Settle down for a date night in with a funny movie, show, or stand-up comedy routine
  • Go see a new funny movie or attend an event that you know will make your spouse laugh

You’re creative and you know what your spouse likes, so use our handy list or an idea of your own, and get to laughing!

How do you and your spouse pursue joy in your everyday life? Share your ideas & experiences with us in the comments section!


  • Jim Uhl says:

    Another great way is to hold each others’ hands and pray our loud to God, specifically thanking him for your marriage, for your spouse, for the characteristics and strengths that make your spouse special, and for all the blessings He has provided your union with one another.

    There is something special; a certain joy, peace, and contentment that happens when you physically touch one another with the sole purpose of praising and thanking both your Creator and your spouse.

  • Susan Turner says:

    Having been married to the same man for 51 years, it is important to remember to keep our relationship relevant and fresh. I appreciate these reminders so much, especially the one about focusing on the positive! I’ve read the back of the book….and it ends well!

  • Michele Najab says:

    Yes, it is important to find ways to refresh our marriage. We have been married 44 years and our life with each other has not become dull. We find new ways to enjoy each other. We don’t allow the difficult senior years to damper our love for each other. We are still number 1 to each other (after God) and choose daily to encourage and build each other up in some way. I am very thankful. Love CAN last a lifetime!

  • M N says:

    My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and are in a tough spot. Lots of change( jobs, houses, etc) a toddler and new baby on the way. I am not always positive unit I also don’t always feel heard and then I become sad. He gets frustrated and communication breaks down. This is helpful and I’d greatly appreciate any further words of encouragement.

    • K K says:

      M N,
      Just happened to see your comment this morning and it grabbed my heart. Want you to know I prayed for you and your family this morning. I’m no expert, but I speak from the experience of almost 30 years of marriage and two kids now 22 and 24. Don’t give up. Lean into God and His word. Focus on the things you have to be thankful for. There are many, every day. Let your husband know the things you appreciate about him or things he does (even little things).

      • M N says:

        Thank you for the prayers you don’t know how much this means to me. Some days are amazing and we collaborate so well. Other days, like today, we are at a complete breakdown and it makes me nearly sick to my stomach. I so greatly appreciate the encouragement. Leaning in to God is hard to do by yourself.

    • Estrica Clayton-McNeill says:

      Write letters and/or poems to one another. In the letters share your truest, deepest thoughts AND praises for one another. Revisit past photos together.

  • Elizabeth Phillips Branchcomb says:

    As a blended family — we are in early stages of coming together . My husband and I are newlyweds 8 months in but we recognized early on the need for “us” time especially given the challenges of a blended family – our children range from 13-24 whew ..moods are all over the place but Praise God we have faith and fun in spite of what we see and how we feel at times. So for fun we take turns planning us time– we strive for once a month date nights cooking class, walks outside , Netflix dates;-) and often we remind ourselves that that we are better together / stronger together.

  • Linda McGaffey says:

    This week we celebrate 48 years of marriage. Many struggles but the desire for a Christian home kept us focused. Thanks for these reminders of where priorities need to be.

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