What to Do When You Don’t Share Interests

“Self-interest is the enemy of all true affection.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt

He likes going to football games. You like going to concerts. She likes Mexican food. You like Chinese. While love for each other is your common bond, you may not share the same hobbies or interests. So, what do you do when you’re trying to decide how to spend your free time (or even decide what to eat for dinner)?

In today’s video, we’re discussing what it means when you don’t share the same interests, and how to leverage that for the growth and betterment of your relationship.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

The beauty of you two as a pair is the personalities you bring to the table. You each have your own ideas, interests, and way of seeing the world. With any couple, this can bring its advantages and its challenges.

Consider your differences a gift. Use them to challenge each other (in a healthy manner), teach each other new things and sharpen each other. You don’t have to do every activity together, but honor your spouse by showing interest in what they love and asking questions about it.

Find out what brings your spouse energy and how they recharge. Do they like being around people all the time, or do they prefer a quiet spot at home? Figure out your personality balance. Allow each other the time to refuel and do what you love. Together, you’ll sharpen each other and be energized by the things you love.


  • Ray Brook says:

    Amen! We believe communication is key in all relationships, and it is the King and Queen in marriage. Asking questions and seeking to truly understand by listening with our hearts unites us mentally, emotionally and spiritual. Physical intimacy is the fruit of united hearts. Gay and I are very different in our backgrounds and interests, as well as in the way we think and process.
    We have common values and have grown much deeper in our relationship, by reading, watching and listening to YOU, Les and Leslie! We appreciate and are energized by your teaching, books, blogs and podcasts, as we travel the world teaching university students relationship skills through “Pathway for Life”, our signature workshop.

  • Mary Carson says:

    Discovering that an empty nest left fewer conversation starters, I asked my husband if we could pick up an activity from our distant past. As newlyweds we had enjoyed reading aloud to one another. But the busyness of work and family had crowded out that leisurely pastime. Now we are back at it. We alternate picking the book, Bouncing from mystery, to biography; and from contemporary to to historical fiction.
    I don’t fish. He doesn’t garden. But we meet between the pages.

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