As a married couple, you’ll inevitably run into situations where you just can’t see eye to eye on a topic. You’re going to think, Man, you just don’t get it. Maybe you’ll exhaust yourself trying to convince them of your perspective. So what do you do in these situations?
Should you fight with your spouse when you can’t find common ground? Or should you just agree to disagree and move on? If you and your spouse are struggling with frequent arguments and disagreements, it’s possible to calm the chaos.
You Can’t Avoid All Conflict
No matter how well you and your spouse get along, you will face conflict from time to time. Avoiding disagreements will eventually lead to deeper problems. Rather than trying to sidestep disagreements, you both need to be able to face them head-on.
It’s possible to agree to disagree, and you should do so when you can. However, that’s not always easy to do. One or both of you might find yourselves clinging to your position in an argument. When you find yourselves in a stalemate, how should you move forward?
Rate How Deeply You Disagree
One of the most helpful tools we’ve used in our relationship is a simple rating system. It helps us rate how deeply we feel about the issue we’re disagreeing on. This might sound odd, but it has helped us navigate disagreements over the years.
We developed a simple tool called the Conflict Card to help you rate these issues when they come up. You can download it for free here. How deeply do you really disagree? If an issue isn’t really a big deal to you, can you let it go?
If you rate an issue as a one on the scale, it’s likely not a major issue for you. On the other hand, rating something at a nine or ten means it’s a significant issue. This rating system lets you know how deeply you feel, or you can simply ask yourselves, “On a scale from one to ten, how serious is this for me?”
Rating how deeply you feel about a topic can help you avoid checking out on each other. When you understand where your spouse stands on a topic, you have a better chance of empathizing. Walking in each other’s shoes is a game changer in your relationship, and helps you understand one another on a deeper level. And when you realize an issue rates as a one or two for you, you have the chance to pick your battles and save your energy for more significant matters.
Knowing and focusing on the issues that matter most to you and your spouse will help you choose your fights well. And knowing how to fight well will help you throughout your marriage. Our book, The Good Fight, can show you how. You can take a look and get your copy here.
Do you and your spouse argue often? Do you agree to disagree, or hash things out? Let us know in the comments.
